I CONDONE ALL OF THE FOLLOWING.

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in a garage makes you a car.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
16. A balanced diet is a biscuit in each hand.
17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change places.
18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognise a mistake when you make it again.
22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy fridge.
24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
25. It's not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings".
27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness".
28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.
29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
31. Never lick a steak knife.
32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we put the clocks back.
34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.
35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.
38. Your friends love you anyway.
39. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.
40. I am god you all shall obey!!!

1. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to sleep

2. Informative TV does not include Richard and Judy and Home and Away

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. Your fantasies of having sex with three women with lesbian tendencies are replaced by fantasies of having sex with anyone at all.

5. You don't volunteer for clinical trials at the local hospital.

6. You know all of the people sleeping in your house.

7. You hear your favourite song in the lift at work.

8. Having sex in a single bed is absurd.

9. The bank manager doesn't write threatening letters any more.

10. You carry an umbrella.

11. Seven-day benders are no longer realistic.

12. You don't go to Tesco with all your friends.

13. You have standing orders and direct debits.

14. The heating works in your house.

15. Your friends marry and divorce instead of get together and break-up.

16. You pay the government thousands of pounds every year.

17. You go from 130 days of holidays to 20.

18. Jeans and a jumper no longer qualify as 'dressed up'.

19. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

20. You get out of bed in the morning even if it's raining.

21. Washing up is not an annual ritual.

22. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

23. You don't know what time Abrakebabra closes anymore.

24. Your car insurance goes down and your car payments go up.

25. You feed your dog Pal instead of McDonalds.

26. You don't get ideas for drinks from local tramps.

27. You don't put half-finished pizza in the fridge to eat later.

28. You don't spend half your day strategically planning pub crawls.

29. You "hate scrounging students".

30. You no longer have a strange attraction to road signs/traffic cones when drunk.

31. Sleeping in the lounge is a no-no.

32. You can't persuade your flatmates to 'Drink till dawn'.

33. You don't spend Wednesday afternoons in the pub.

34. You always know where you are when you wake up.

35. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 p.m.

36. A fire in the kitchen is not a laugh.

37. You go to the chemist for Panadol and antacids, not condoms and
>pregnancy tests.

38. A 3euro bottle of wine is no longer 'pretty good stuff'.

39. You can remember the name of the person you wake up next to.

40. You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

41. You don't tolerate mice living in your kitchen.

42. Grocery lists are longer than pot noodles & cans of lager.

43. You don't go to Lidl to buy Vodka.

44. You hoover.

45. Breaking the law means doing 40 in a 30 zone.

46. "I just can't drink the way I used to" replaces "I'm never going to drink that much again".

47. Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work. (not bebo hehe)

48. You don't experiment with banned substances.

49. You don't get drunk at home, to save money, before going to a pub.

50. Lunchtime is not 'the morning'

Sagittarians are fun loving, generous and extremely friendly. They very rarely tell lies, in fact they're so open about everything, the whole world knows what they're up to. They have marvellous intuitions that they should take notice of. They're pretty clever because they're so interested in everything. They can be a bit rude but that's only because they're very honest and will say exactly what they think. They love travel, fast cars and horse riding. They also love spending money, so a credit card should be avoided...