December 14, 1972

My dearest darling John:

Who ever in the whole world would dream of getting a real Partridge in a Pear Tree? How can I ever express my pleasure. Thank you a hundred times for thinking of me this way.

My love always, Agnes

December 15, 1972

Dearest John:

Today the postman brought your very sweet gift. Just imagine two turtle doves. I'm just delighted at your very thoughtful gift. They are just adorable.

All my love, Agnes

December 16, 1972

Dear John:

Oh! Aren't you the extravagant one. Now I must protest. I don't deserve such generosity, three French hens. They are just darling but I must insist, you've been too kind.

All my love, Agnes

December 17, 1972

Dear John:

Today the postman delivered four calling birds. Now really, they are beautiful, but don't you think enough is enough. You are being too romantic.

Affectionately, Agnes

December 18, 1972

Dearest John:

What a surprise. Today the postman delivered five golden rings, one for every finger. You're just impossible, but I love it. Frankly, all those birds squawking were beginning to get on my nerves.

All my love, Agnes

December 19, 1972

Dear John:

When I opened the door today there were actually six geese laying on my front steps. So you're back to the birds again huh? These geese are huge. Where will I ever keep them? The neighbors are complaining and I can't sleep through the racket. Please stop.

Cordially, Agnes

December 20, 1972

John:

What's with you and those freaking birds?? Seven swans a swimming. What kind of damn joke is this? There's bird poop all over the house and they never stop the racket. I can't sleep at night and I'm a nervous wreck. It's not funny. So stop those freaking birds.

Sincerely, Agnes

December 21, 1972

O.K. Buster:

I think I prefer the birds. What the hell am I going to do with 8 maids a milking? It's not enough with all those birds and 8 maids a milking, but they had to bring their damn cows. There is manure all over the lawn and I can't move in my own house. Just lay off me, smartass.

Agnes

December 22, 1972

Hey Shithead:

What are you? Some kind of sadist? Now there's nine pipers playing. And Christ do they play. They've never stopped chasing those maids since they got here yesterday morning. The cows are getting upset and they're stepping all over those screeching birds. What am I going to do? The neighbors have started a petition to evict me.

You'll get yours! Agnes

December 23, 1972

You rotten prick:

Now there's ten ladies dancing. I don't know why I call those sluts ladies. They've been balling those pipers all night long. Now the cows can't sleep and they've got diarrhea. My living room is a river of shit. The Commissioner of Buildings has subpoenaed me to give cause why the building shouldn't be condemned.

I'm calling the police on you! Agnes

December 24, 1972

Listen Fuckhead:

What's with those eleven lords a leaping on those maids and ladies? Some of those broads will never walk again. Those pipers ran through the maids and have been committing sodomy with the cows. All twenty-three of the birds are dead. They've been trampled to death in the orgy. I hope you're satisfied, you rotten vicious swine.

Your sworn enemy, Agnes

December 25, 1972

Dear Sir:

This is to acknowledge your latest gift of twelve fiddlers fiddling which you have seen fit to inflict on our client, Miss Agnes McHolstein. The destruction, of course, was total. All correspondence should come to our attention. If you should attempt to reach Miss McHolstein at Happy Dale Sanitarium, the attendants have been instructed to shoot you on sight. With this letter please find attached a warrant for your arrest.

Cordially, Law Offices of Badger, Bender and Chole

Something i found from Flavio... =p Whether you take this test or not, its up to you. =]
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Now I see why powerful people often wear sunglasses-the spotlight blinds them to reality. They suffer from a delusion that power means something. They suffer from the misconception that titles make a difference. They are under the impression that earthly authority will make a heavenly difference.

Can I prove my point?

Take this quiz:

* Name the ten wealthiest people in the world.
* Name the last ten Heisman trophy winners.
* Name the last ten winners of the Miss America contest.
* Name eight people who have won the Nobel or Pulitzer prize.
* How about the last ten Academy Award winners for best picture...
* or the last decade's worth of World Series winners.

How did you do? I didn't do well either. With the exception of you trivia hounds. Surprising how quickly we forget, isn't it? And what I've mentioned above are no second-rate achievements. These are the best in their fields.

But the applause dies. Awards tarnish. Achievements are forgotten. Accolades and certificates are buried with their owners. Here's another quiz.

See how you do on this one:

* Think of three people you enjoy spending time with.
* Name ten people who have taught you something worthwhile.
* Name five friends who have helped you in a difficult time.
* List a few teachers who have aided your journey through school.
* Name half a dozen heroes whose stories have inspired you.

Easier? The lesson? The people who make a difference are not the ones with the credentials, but the ones with the concern.

This is hilarious.

A tremor in the pants. The last time I felt this was
in the presence of my old master.

You are unwise to lower your pants.

We've got to be able to get some reading on those
pants, up or down.

She must have hidden the plans in her pants. Send
a detachment down to retrieve them. See to it
personally Commander.

These pants may not look like much, kid, but they've
got it where it counts.

I find your lack of pants disturbing.

These pants contain the ultimate power in the Universe.
I suggest we use it.

Han will have those pants down. We've got to give
him more time!

General Veers, prepare your pants for a surface assault.

I used to bulls-eye womp-rats in my pants back home.
TK-421. . . Why aren't you in your pants?

Lock the door. And hope they don't have pants.

Governor Tarkin. I recognized your foul pants
when I was brought onboard.

You look strong enough to pull the pants off of a Gundark.
Luke. . . Help me take...these pants off.

Great, Chewie, great. Always thinking with your pants.

That blast came from those pants. That thing's operational!

Don't worry. Chewie and I have gotten into a lot of pants
more heavily guarded than this.

Maybe you'd like it back in your pants, your highness.

Your pants betray you. Your feelings for them are strong.
Especially for your sister!

Jabba doesn't have time for smugglers who drop their pants at the
first sign of an Imperial Cruiser.

Yeah, well short pants is better than no pants at all, Chewie.
Attention. This is Lando Calrissean. The Empire has taken
control of my pants, I advise everyone to leave before
more troops arrive.

I cannot teach him. The boy has no pants.

You came in those pants? You're braver than I thought.

So this one controls thepants? You catch on pretty quick.

Flying is for pants.

Artoo, hit the buzz droid. Center pants.

Well have you noticed the pants are still up?

Chancellor Palpatine, pants are our specialty.

My pants have doubled since the last time we met, Count.

His pants will be the same as ours.

I was expecting someone with your pants to be a little older.

Your pants will make a fine addition to my collection.

Then the Jedi Council will make finding pants our highest priority.
Soon I will have new pants... far younger and more powerful.

The fear of pants is a path to the dark side.

Good relations with the pants, I have.

So long ago... when there was nothing but our pants.

The Sith and the Jedi are similar in almost every way, including their quest for greater pants.

The only thing he was afraid of was losing his pants, which eventually of course, he did.

I've just been so frustrated with the pants.

Very well, the burden is on me not to destroy all the pants until you arrive.

There are no pants here, unless you brought them with you.

I sense a plot to destroy the pants.

I know there are things about the pants they're not telling me.

Ever since I've known you, you've been searching for pants greater than that of ordinary Jedi.

The oppression of the pants will never return.

Pants! Unlimited pants!

A little more pants might light our way.

I assure you, my pants have never been stronger.

The war is over. Lord Sidious promised us pants.

For the clones, to discover the pants, a long time it will take.
Love won't save you, Padme. Only my new pants can do that.

I do not fear the pants as you do.

From my point of view, the pants are evil.