Untold Stories

1. Dave and Coomey pulled out their lads to compare size and shape in the middle of the kitchen
2. Eoin is now called Gollum. He climbed onto the roof twisted at 5 in the morning to spy on John and Gearoid talk. He was going to TRY to jump off the roof onto them if they started fighting.
3. Mike fell asleep standing up in the hall!!!
4. Dave gave an emotional empassioned to speach to the lads. They all cried and finished by giving each other a group hug.
5. Eoin tried setting up dave and kathryn, got bored and tried scoring with her himself
6. Catriona and Emer were dirty dancing in the living room singing Santa baby.
7. Gearoid scored with a guy
8. Sarah was so drunk!!!
9. Rumours were spread very fast and lots of things were taken out of context.
10. Dave broke the frame of the door.
11. Emer saw her first penis.
12. Coomey cycled emer home to kennelly.
13. Kathryn was the only person not to sleep, left for work at 9 wearing all of eoins clothes and gearoids size 10 shoes, make up still in perfect condition, stinking of drink. She minds children. This is the kind of person you trust with your (future) children.
14. The unbreakable bottle survived another night.
15. Porn was watched, analysed, and it was concluded that real people dont fuck like that.
16. Mark kennealy pulled kathryns dress over her head in the living room.
17. Everybody touched aonghus when he was asleep. They poked him, sat on him and gropped him. He didn't move once.
18. It was agreed that Bear Grylls is the man. I want to be him.

SYMPTOM: Pint appears to be crystal clear...
FAULT: It's water. Somebody is trying to sober you up.
ACTION: Punch him/her.

SYMPTOM: Don't recognise anyone, don't even recognise the room you're in.
FAULT: Don't panic - you've wandered into the wrong party.
ACTION: See if they've any free pints anyhow.

SYMPTOM: Feet cold and wet.
FAULT: Glass being held at incorrect angle.
ACTION: Rotate glass so that open end points toward ceiling.

SYMPTOM: Feet warm and wet.
FAULT: Improper bladder control.
ACTION: Stand next to nearest pet dog, complain about how house training has "gone to the dogs nowadays".

SYMPTOM: Pint appears unusually pale and tasteless.
FAULT: Glass empty.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with fluorescent lights.
FAULT: You've fallen over backwards.
ACTION: Have yourself chained to bar counter.

SYMPTOM: Mouth contains fag-ends.
FAULT: You have fallen forward.
ACTION: See above.

SYMPTOM: Beer tastes tasteless, front of your shirt is wet.
FAULT: Mouth not open, or glass applied to wrong part of face.
ACTION: Retire to loo, practise in mirror.

SYMPTOM: Floor blurry.
FAULT: You're looking through bottom of empty glass.
ACTION: Get someone to get you another pint.

SYMPTOM: Floor moving.
FAULT: You are being carried out.
ACTION: Find out if you are being taken to another pub/party

SYMPTOM: Room seems unusually dark.
FAULT: Bar has closed, have yez no homes to go to
ACTION: Confirm home address with barman, grab taxi home.

SYMPTOM: Taxi's interior suddenly takes on colourful aspect and textures.
FAULT: Beer consumption has exceeded personal limitations.
ACTION: Cover mouth.

SYMPTOM: Everyone looks up to you and smiles.
FAULT: You are dancing on a table.
ACTION: Fall on somebody cushy-looking.

SYMPTOM: Hands hurts, nose hurts, mind unusually clear though.
FAULT: You have been in a fight.
ACTION: Apologise to everyone you see, just in case it was them.

SYMPTOM: Your singing sounds distorted.
FAULT: That lager is too weak.
ACTION: Have more drink until your voice improves.

SYMPTOM: Don't remember the words to song.
FAULT: Beer is just right.
ACTION: Play air guitar.

SYMPTOM: Ugly woman/man in your sights.
FAULT: Insufficient beer intake.
ACTION: Up dosage immediately.

SYMPTOM: Shins and toes hurt.
FAULT: You've been walking into things.
ACTION: Maintain dosage.

SYMPTOM: Squishy feeling in the hands.
FAULT: You have grabbed hold of a woman's breasts.
ACTION: Duck to avoid boyfriend's fist.

SYMPTOM: Bed is bumping around.
FAULT: Taking an ambulance ride.
ACTION: It's too late, you made complete arsehole of yourself...

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your flatmate. Separate your flatmate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your flatmate's potato and eat it. Explain to your flatmate, saying 'He just didn't belong'

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your flatmate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, 'the hair, it's growing. Growing!'

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your flatmate and mutter, 'Soon, soon...'

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your flatmate, 'I've got an important message for you.' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, 'Oh, yeah, I remember!' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your flatmate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your flatmate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your flatmate gets rid of it, and then say, 'Hey, where the f**k is my sandwich!?' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your flatmate walks in yell, 'Hooray! You're back!' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, 'Shouldn't you be going somewhere?'

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, 'No, I want to watch them suffer.'