After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
> sheet,"
> which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics
> correct the problems; document their repairs on the form, and then
the
> pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.
> Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humour.
> Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Quantas'
pilots
>
> The solutions recorded by maintenance engineers.
>
> By the way, Quantas is the only major airline that has never had an
> accident.
> ----------------------------------------
> P= the problem logged by the pilot.)
>
> S= the solution and action taken by mechanics.)
>
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
>
> S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
>
> S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: Something loose in cockpit.
>
> S: Something tightened in cockpit.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Dead bugs on windshield.
>
> S: Live bugs on back-order.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute
> descent.
>
> S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
>
> S: Evidence removed.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
>
> S: DME volume set to more believable level.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
>
> S: That's what they're for.
> ----------------------------------------
> P: IFF inoperative.
>
> S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Suspected crack in windshield.
>
> S: Suspect you're right.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Number 3 engine missing.
>
> S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Aircraft handles funny. (I love this one!)
>
> S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, & be serious.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Target radar hums.
>
> S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Mouse in cockpit.
>
> S: Cat installed.
>
> ----------------------------------------
>
> P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
> pounding
> on something with a hammer.
>
> S: Took hammer away from midget

A duck's quack doesn't echo. No one knows why.

Ancient drinkers warded off the devil by clinking their cups.

Lynyrd Skynard was the name of the gym teacher of the boys who went on to form that band. He once told them, "You boys ain't never gonna amount to nothin'."

A cockroach can live several weeks with its head cut off - it dies from starvation!
In the average lifetime, a person will walk the equivalent of 5 times around the equator.

Odontophobia is the fear of teeth

According to suicide statistics, Monday is the favored day for self-destruction.

Each of the suits on a deck of cards represents the four major pillars of the economy in the middle ages: heart represented the Church, spades represented the military, clubs represented agriculture, and diamonds represented the merchant class.

The largest number of children born to one woman is recorded at 69. From 1725-1765, a Russian peasant woman gave birth to 16 sets of twins, 7 sets of triplets, and 4 sets of quadruplets.

The Bible has been translated into Klingon

Ten percent of the Russian government's income comes from the sale of vodka.

Every 100g of Corn Flakes has 1 mg of fecal matter.

The label on the chain-saw warns that: You should not try to stop the blade
with your hand.

Bob Dylan's real name is Robert Zimmerman.

Clans of long ago that wanted to get rid of their unwanted people without killing them use to burn their houses down -- hence the statement "to get fired."

Non-dairy creamer is flammable

A 'jiffy' is an actual unit of time for 1/100th of a second!

Apples are more efficient than caffeine in keeping people awake in the mornings!

By raising your legs slowly and laying on your back, you can't sink in quicksand

More money is printed daily for the Monopoly game than by the U.S. Treasury.

Camels have three eyelids to protect themselves from blowing sand!

Every time you lick a stamp, you're consuming 1/10 of a calorie!

Human teeth are almost as hard as rocks!

Leonardo De Vinci invented the scissors.

Both Hitler and Napoleon were missing one testicle.

Human thigh bones are stronger than concrete!

If you counted 24 hours a day, it would take 31,688 years to reach one trillion!

No piece of square dry paper can be folded more than 7 times in half!

Over 10,000 birds a year die from smashing into windows!

Over 2500 left handed people a year are killed from using products made for right handed people!

The average person has over 1,460 dreams a year!

The bubbles in Guiness Beer sink to the bottom rather than float to the top like all other beers. No one knows why

The Earth weighs around 6,588,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 tons!

The electric chair was invented by a dentist!

The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.

The correct response to the Irish greeting, "Top of the morning to you," is "and the rest of the day to yourself."

The original name for the butterfly was 'flutterby'!

The sentence "The quick brown fox jumps over a lazy dog." uses every letter of the alphabet!

Thomas Edison, lightbulb inventor, was afraid of the dark!

Windmills always turn counter-clockwise. Except for the windmills in Ireland!

Your heart beats over 100,000 times a day!

A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.

A lion's roar can be heard from five miles away.

A whale's penis is called a dork.

According to Genesis 1:20-22 the chicken came before the egg.

Alexander Graham Bell, the inventor of the telephone, never phoned his wife or his mother. They were both deaf.

Anteaters prefer termites to ants.

Babies are born without kneecaps. They don't appear until the child reaches 2-6 years of age

Crickets hear through their knees.

George Washington grew marijuana in his garden.

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle; if the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of

"FROM THE HARDENED PALM"
FROM THE HARDENED PALM OF THE DESERT LAND
ROSE A FIST OF EARTH THAT STARTED IT ALL,
THE HOT ROCK BECAME A BREEDING GROUND FOR THE FORCES WE KNOW,
AND THE ONES WE TRY TO UNDERSTAND

AND THAT ABOUT BRINGS US UP TO SPEED,
EXCEPT WHAT I CALL FREEDOM OF THOUGHT THEY CALL HERECY,
AND THE BLINDING LIGHTS FROM THE CITY GLOW,
IN A THOUSAND HOMES THAT I'LL NEVER KNOW

( SINGIN' LALALA LALALA)

WELL CIVILIZATION BUILT THE MACHINES,
NOW THEY BUILD EVERYTHING THAT WE NEED,
AND I HOPE THEY FIND A MECHANICAL GOD,
TO RATIONALISE THE ONE WE GOT

(SINGIN' LALALA LALALA)

WELL WE ALL KNOW WE'VE GOT BLOOD ON OUR HANDS,
WE CUT THEM ON THE SHELLS THAT TURNED SAND,
THAT TURNED TO CEMENT, THAT LAYED THE FOUNDATIONS
OF OUR CHILDRENS HOUSES... AND THEY'LL DO THE SAME

(SINGIN' LALALA LALALA)