CHUCK NORRIS
Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

Jesus can walk on water, but Chuck Norris can walk on Jesus.

Thousands of years ago Chuck Norris came across a bear. It was so terrified that it fled north into the arctic. It was also so terrified that all of its decendents now have white hair.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

One day Chuck Norris walked down the street with a massive erection. There were no survivors.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

In a recent survey it was discovered the 94% of American women lost their virginity to Chuck Norris. The other 6% were incredibly fat or ugly.

If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris shot the sheriff, but he round house kicked the deputy.

When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

Chuck Norris is widely predicted to be first black president. If you're thinking to yourself, "But Chuck Norris isn't black", then you are dead wrong. And stop being a racist.

Fact: Chuck Norris doesn't consider it sex if the woman survives.

Chuck Norris was once in a knife fight, and the knife lost.

The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris. The film was cancelled shortly after going into preproduction. No one would pay nine dollars to see a movie fourteen seconds long.

There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.

Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

"Brokeback Mountain" is not just a movie. It's also what Chuck Norris calls the pile of dead ninjas in his front yard.

When God said, "let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say 'please'."

Chuck Norris uses 8'x10' sheets of plywood as toilet paper.

It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

When Chuck Norris jumps into a lake, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.

Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

182,000 Americans die from Chuck Norris-related accidents every year.

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

The Sherman tank was originaly called the Norris tank until Chuck Norris decided it wasn't tough enough to be associated with him. The Army, for fear of Chuck Norris, renamed the tank and promised to develop a weapon more fitting of his name. To date, no weapon created has been badass enough to be named after Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500, without a car.

When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

Some kids play Kick the can. Chuck Norris played Kick the keg.

Nothing can escape the gravity of a black hole, except for Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris eats black holes. They taste like chicken.

Everybody loves Raymond. Except Chuck Norris.

Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a Chuck Norris glare will liquefy your kidneys.

Chuck Norris is responsible for China's over-population. He hosted a Karate tournament in Beijing and all women within 1,000 miles became pregnant instantly.

What’s known as the UFC, or Ultimate Fighting Championship, doesn’t use its full name, which happens to be “Ultimate Fighting Championship, Non-Chuck-Norris-Division”.

1. Who are you?
2. Are we friends?
3. When and How did we meet?
6. am i the best drummer of all time be honest?
7. Have you ever wanted to punch me?
8. Give me a nickname and explain why?
9. Describe me in 1 word
10. What was your first impression of me?
11. Do u still think the same?
12. What reminds you of me?
13. If you could give me anything what would it be?
14. How well do you know me?
15. When was the last time you saw me?
16. Ever wanted to tell me something that you couldn't?
17. Are you going to put this on your blog and see what I say about you?