A major earthquake, measuring 7.8 on the Richter Scale hit in the early
hours of the 22/02/05, epicentre on the Gurnos Estate, Merthyr Tydfil in
the South Wales Valleys.

Victims could be seen wandering around aimlessly muttering "how be",
"tidy" and "carn fault it butty".

The earthquake devastated the area causing approximately £18.76 worth of
damage. Several priceless collections of souvenirs from Barry Island and
Parc prison were destroyed.

Three historical and scientifically important burnt out cars were
disturbed. Many residents were woken before their Giros arrived.

Thousands are confused and bewildered trying to come to terms with the
fact that something interesting happened in the valley.

One resident, Sarah Goddard, a 25 year old mother of three said, "It was
such a shock, at first I thought it was the bailiffs, and then little
Chardonnay-Mercedes came running into my bedroom and nearly woke up the
guy from the housing benefits office. My youngest two, Tyler-Morgan and
Jade-Storm slept through it all. I was still shaking while watching Trisha
The next morning".

Fortunately the residents have been able to carry on looting, mugging and
car jacking much as before.

The British Red Cross has so far managed to fly in vital supplies such as
Prozac, Strongbow and Mayfair cigarettes. Rescue workers are still
searching through the rubble and have found large quantities of personal
belongings including, benefit books, jewellery from Elizabeth Duke at
Argos and fine bone china from Hyper Value..

HOW CAN YOU HELP?

This appeal is to collect clothing and food supplies as well as money for
those unfortunate enough to be affected by this terrible disaster.
Clothing items needed include: -

* Fila baseball caps
* Kappa tracksuits
* white sports socks
* Nike Air-Max trainers
* generally anything sold in Poundstretchers

Food items required include: -

* microwave meals
* tinned baked beans
* Pot Noodles
* ice cream
* cans of Special Brew
* flagons of White Lightning

WHAT WILL YOUR DONATIONS PROVIDE?

£10.00 can take a family of 8 to Port Talbot for one day, where children
can play on a radioactive beach in front of the National Collection of
Steelworks..

£2.00 will buy chip butties and blue Panda Pops for a family of 4.

£1.67 provides a bus ticket for an adult to travel to the countryside to
pick magic mushrooms for all the family.

22p buys a biro pen to fill out a loan crisis form from the DSS.

IMPORTANT!

Please under no circumstances send camping tents, as the sight of "posh"
housing could upset the neighbouring areas of Hirwaun and Mountain Ash, and
may cause rioting in these areas.

THANK YOU.

Sometimes when you look back on a situation, you realize it wasn't all you thought it was. A beautiful girl walked into your life. You fell in love. Or did you? Maybe it was only a childish infatuation, or maybe just a brief moment of vanity.

1. Full Name: Joshua *Cough* Chappell
2. Nickname: Dopey much 2 my disapproval.
3. Birthday: January the 20th
4. Place of Birth: Aberdare
5. Zodiac Sign: capricorn
6. Male or Female: Male
7. Grade: Year 13
8. School: Rhydywaun
9. Occupation: Student
10. Residence: Fforest view
11. MSN Screen Name: Josh

__Your Appearance___

12. Hair Colour: Black/brown
13. Hair Length: Medium
14. Eye colour: Brown
15. Weight: 11 Stone
16. Height: 5'8
17. Braces? No
18. Glasses? Readin
19. Piercings: No
20. Tattoos: No
21. Righty or Lefty: Both

___Your 'Firsts'___

22. First best friend: Jay, Jordan, Sam
23. First Award:
24. First Sport You Joined: Badminton
25. First pet: Dog, Lassie
26. First Real Vacation: Spain
27. First Concert: Lighthouse Family
28. First Love: ahh ill leave that one.

___ Favourites___

29. Movie: A Beautifull mind, The Da Vinci Code
30. TV programme: The Bill, eastenders, Top Gear, Fith Gear,
31. Colour: Silly question
32. Rapper: Omg they do my head in they all sound the same.
33. Band: Simply Red,The Kooks,Take That, Matchbox Twenty, Arctic Monkeys, The verve. The View, Klaxstons.
34. Song Right Now: Downfalll by Matchbox Twenty. Simply Red Your Mirror
35. Friend: All Of Them
36. Sweet: Anythin
37. Sport to Play: I have a crippled Back
38. Restaurant: Le Monde
39. Favourite brand: River Island
40. Store: River Island,Zara,Howells,Top Man
41. School Subject: Business But with Mrs Rees, Mrs Seldon is nothing but a Feminist extremist
42. Animal: koala bear
43. Book: Dan Brown Books, The World Of Karl Pilkington, Happyslapped By A Jelly Fish.
44. Magazine: Ok, Hello, Heat love all the celeb goss.
45. Shoes: Whatever.

___Currently___

46. Feeling: larthargic
47. Single or Taken? Single
48. Have a crush: YEEEEE !!!!
49. Eating ? Nothin.
50. Drinking: Piss !
51. Typing: This
52. Online? Pretty Obiast init.
53. Listening To: The wind and a carry bad that goin mad in th wind.
54. Thinking About: Goin to visti my mothers skwl 2mz.
55. Wanting To: Get some sleep cz i got 2 get up in 2 hours
56. Watching: Me type this load ov rubish out.
57. Wearing: Boxers, i think.

___Your Future___

58. Want Kids? Ye i cnt wait to be a dad.
59. Want to be married? Ye, gt 2 find some 1 first
60. Careers in Mind: Id love 2 b an MP. Police Man, Social Worker, Youth Worker.
61. Where do you want to live: In the country, Italy, France,
62. Car: 348 DINO, 1938 Talbot-Lago T150 C SS Teardrop Coupe, Mercedes-Benz Count Trossi SSK, Mercedes-Benz 300sl gullwing

__Which is Better With The Opposite Sex___

63. Hair colour: Brownish blondish
64. Hair length: Longish
65. Eye colour: Blue/borwn/green
66. Measurments: Anythin, Aslong as its natural.
67. Cute or Sexy: Both
68. Lips or Eyes: Eyes
69. Hugs or Kisses: Love Hugs, n a kiss sometime.
70. Short or Tall: Short so u cn cwtch them in.
71. Easygoing or serious: Serious And easygoing.
72. Romantic or Spontaneous: Both
73. Fatty or Skinny: Skinny but big girl still need love, but then you got ppl like Dan shan 4 tha
74. Sensitive or Loud: Sensitive
75. Hook-up or Relationship: Relationship
76. Sweet or Caring: Both
77. Trouble Maker or Hesitant One: What sort of question is that ?

___Have you ever______

78. Kissed a Stranger: Ye
79. Had Alcohol: Ye
80. Smoked: No
81. Ran Away From Home: Ye !
82. Broken a bone: Yeh, many
83. Got an X-ray: Yeah
84. Been with someone: Yeah
85. Broken Someone’s Heart: Doubt it.
86. Broke Up With Someone: Ye
87. Cried When Someone Died: I do have feelins honast
88. Cried At School: Yeah

___Do You Believe In___

89. God: Not really
90. Miracles: They can happen i guess
91. Love At First sight: Not love, but that you can see some one who you could fall in love with
92. Ghosts: No
93. Aliens: No
94. Soul Mates: Yeah, theres some 1 4 every 1
95. Heaven: no
96. Hell: no
97. Angels: no
98. Kissing on The First Date: Go were the mood takes you