The word "fuck"

Perhaps one of the most interesting and colorful words in the English language today is the word "fuck". It is the one magical word which, just by its sound, can describe pain, pleasure, love, and hate.

In language, "fuck" falls into many grammatical categories.

It can be used as a verb, both transitive (John fucked Mary) and intransitive (Mary was fucked by John).

It can be an action verb (John really gives a fuck), a passive verb (Mary really doesn't give a fuck), an adverb (Mary is fucking interested in John), or as a noun (Mary is a terrific fuck).

It can also be used as an adjective (Mary is fucking beautiful) or an interjection (Fuck! I'm late for my date with Mary).

It can even be used as a conjunction (Mary is easy, fuck she's also stupid).

As you can see, there are very few words with the overall versatility of the word "fuck". Aside from its sexual connotations, this incredible word can be used to describe many situations...

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Fraud "I got fucked by the car dealer."

Resignation "Oh, fuck it!"

Trouble "I guess I'm fucked now."

Aggression "FUCK YOU!"

Disgust "Fuck me."

Confusion "What the fuck.......?"

Difficulty "I don't understand this fucking business!"

Despair "Fucked again..."

Pleasure "I fucking couldn't be happier."

Displeasure "What the fuck is going on here?"

Lost "Where the fuck are we."

Disbelief "UNFUCKING BELIEVABLE!"

Retaliation "Up your fucking ass!"

Denial "I didn't fucking do it."

Perplexity "I know fuck all about it."

Apathy "Who really gives a fuck, anyhow?"

Greetings "How the fuck are ya?"

Suspicion "Who the fuck are you?"

Panic "Let's get the fuck out of here."

Directions "Fuck off."

Disbelief "How the fuck did you do that?"

It can be used in an anatomical description- "He's a fucking asshole."

It can be used to tell time- "It's five fucking thirty."

It can be used in business- "How did I wind up with this fucking job?"

It can be maternal- "Mother fucker."

It can be political- "Fuck Enda Kenny!"

It has also been used by many notable people throughout history...

"What the fuck was that?"
- Mayor of Hiroshima

"Where the fuck is all this water coming from?"
- Captain of the Titanic

"That's not a real fucking gun."
- John Lennon

"Who's gonna fucking find out?"
- Richard Nixon

"Heads are going to fucking roll."
- Anne Boleyn

"Let the fucking woman drive."
- Commander of Space Shuttle

"What fucking map?"
- "Challenger," Mark Thatcher

"Any fucking idiot could understand that."
- Albert Einstein

"It does so fucking look like her!"
- Picasso

"How the fuck did you work that out?"
- Pythagoras

"You want what on the fucking ceiling?"
- Michaelangelo

"Fuck a duck."
- Walt Disney

"Why?- Because its fucking there!"
- Edmund Hilary

"I don't suppose its gonna fucking rain?"
- Joan of Arc

"Scattered fucking showers my ass."
- Noah

"I need this parade like I need a fucking hole in my head."
- John F. Kennedy

1) Thou shalt drink only pints and/or "whiskey."
2) Thou shall always ate the skin of yer rasher.
3) Thou shall always stand at the back during mass, or even better in the porch talking.
4) Thine wife shall emulate Biddy from Glenroe.
5) Thou shalt emulate Miley.
6) Thou shalt "suck diesel."
7) Thou shall pretend to know all about "The Headage."
Thou shalt look after your tractor better than your car.
9) Thou shalt have no "Revershing" lights or number plate on your trailer.
10)Thou shalt display a "Travellin' to Flavin" sticker on the back window of all vehicles.
11)Thou shallt wear your Ivomec Pour-On fleece with pride.
12)Thou shalt not use but half-inch Wavin or a "good Sally Rod" for beatin cattle.
13)Thine sons shall play GAA.
14)Thine daaawwwthur shall marry the local centhur-forward.
15)Thou shalt hold regular arguments with d'telly.
16)Thou shalt reminisce the Fair Day, the Treshing,Kickin'Cabbages and the Corncrake.
17)Thou shallt know a Mickeen Tomeen Joe and a Paddy Joe Paaaack from "the top of the parish."
1 Thou shalt ate "Hang Sangwiches" at all the GAA matches.
19)Thou shalt hate "Those Backstard the Tans".
20)Thou shalt be edumacated by the Chrissshtian Brethers.
21)Thou shalt pronounce 'Yellow' as 'Yolla'.
22)Thou shalt carry the A.I Man's mobile number on you at all times.
23)Thou shalt not visit Dublin ( except to Croker and to bring the wife shoppin' on the 8th December).
24)Thou shalt not fail to attend the Ploughing Championships and all Steam Rallies.
25)Thou shalt always know how to reek turk bether than thine neighbour.
26)Thou shalt use balin' twine to hold up thine trousers.
27)Thou shalt not ever visit the dentist.
2 Thou shalt not miss an episode of "The Weather".
29)Thou shallt have many injuries from "that Hoooor of Charlois I got from that cowboy calf-dealer."
30)Thou shalt wear cap crooked.
31)Thou shalt love all Big John Wayne's fims, especially"The Quiet Man."
32)Thine son shall be nicknamed "Bungalow," 'cos "he's got nothin' upstairs."
33)Thou shalt shoot stray dogs.
34)Thou shalt drown cats.
35)Thou shallt think all Lesbians are from Lesbia.
36)Thou shalt annually run the tractor off the end pit when trampling silage.
37)Thou shalt taste all barrels of Molasses.
3 Thou shalt think it's great craic to ring PJ and roar into the phone while he's with "the bit of stuff".
39)Thine favourite chat-up line shallt be "Howya fixshed for a bit of howya goin' on ?" whilst winking like an epileptic.
40)Thou shallt paint "Whatever County for Liam!" on all of your round bales.
41)Thou shalt never leave the country.
42)Thou shalt only bathe on a sathurday niyat, using only carbolic soap.
43)Thou shalt have a heinz-57 mongrel of a dog which is good for nothin' except terrorising the neighbour's sheep.
44)Thou shalt read the read the Farmer's Journal.
45)Thou shalt always support your county GAA team whilst curshing them for being "pure sh!te" at every given oppurtunity.
46)Thine sweet of choice shall be either Ritchies After Dinner Mints or Silvermints.
47)Thou shalt only be aware of strippers of the bovine kind.
4 Thou shalt refer to soccer as "The Foriegn Game."
49)Thou shalt always sing the dirty line to "Alice".
50)Thou shalt always recieve Communion on the tongue,
licking the priest's hand in the process

GHOST POOPIE: The kind where you feel the poopie come out, but there is no poopie in the toilet.

CLEAN POOPIE: The kind where you poopie it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper.

WET POOPIE: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and your underwear so you won't ruin them with stains.

SECOND WAVE POOPIE: This happens when you're done poopie-ing and you've pulled your pants up to your knees, and you realize that you have to poopie some more.

POP-A VEIN-IN-YOUR-FOREHEAD POOPIE: The kind where you strain so much to get it out, you practically have a stroke.

LINCOLN LOG POOPIE: The kind of poopie that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush.

GASSY POOPIE: It's so noisy, that everyone within earshot is giggling.

DRINKER'S POOPIE: The kind of poopie you have the morning after a long night of drinking. It's most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet.

CORN POOPIE: Self explanatory.

GEE-I-WISH-I-COULD-POOPIE POOPIE: The kind where you want to poopie but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times.

SPINAL TAP POOPIE: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you'd swear it was leaving you sideways.

WET CHEEKS POOPIE (The Power Dump): The kind that comes out so fast, your butt cheeks get splashed with water.

THE DANGLING POOPIE: This poopie refuses to drop in the toilet even though you are done poopie-ing it. You just hope that a shake or two will cut it loose.

THE SURPRISE POOPIE: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you are about to fart, but *oops* --- a poopie