1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married...The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.
2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."
3. Two peanuts walk into a bar, and one was a salted.
4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."
6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: "Does this taste funny to you?"
7. Patient: "Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home'"
Doctor: "That sounds like the Tom Jones Syndrome."
Patient: "Is it common?" Doctor: "Well, 'It's Not Unusual'"
8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, "I was artificially inseminated this morning." "I don't believe you," says Dolly. "It's true, no bull!" exclaims Daisy.
9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman... The kids were nothing to look at either.
10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.
11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.
12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut off your arms!"
13. I went to a seafood disco last week... and pulled a mussel.
14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.
15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!".
16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.
17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why," they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."
18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal."
19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ..(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)... A super calloused fragile mystic vexed by halitosis.
20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.

UCD Arts Exam!
Subject: UCD Arts Exam
Time Limit: 3 hrs

1. What language is spoken in France?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social conditions -OR- Give the first name of Pierre Trudeau.

3. Would you ask William Shakespeare to
(a) build a bridge
____ (b) sail the ocean
____ (c) lead an army or
____ (d) WRITE A PLAY

4. What religion is the Pope? (check only one)
____ (a) Jewish
____ (b) Catholic
____ (c) Hindu
____ (d) Polish
____ (e) Agnostic

5. Metric conversion. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 5?

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)
8. What are people in America's far north called?
____ (a) Westerners
____ (b) Southerners
____ (c) Northerners

9. Spell -- Bush, Carter and Clinton
Bush: __________________________
Carter: __________________________
Clinton: __________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five.

11. Where does rain come from?
____ (a) Tescos
____ (b) Superquinn
____ (c) Canada
____ (d) the sky

12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
____ (a) yes
____ (b) no

13. What are coat hangers used for?

14. Amhrán na bhFiann is the National Anthem for what country?

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR- spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

17. Which part of Ireland produces the most potatoes?
____ (a) New York
____ (b) London
____ (c) Wexford
____ (d) Sydney

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you have?

19. What does RTE (Radio Teilifis Eireann) stand for?

20. The UCD University tradition for efficiency began when (approximately)?
____ (a) B.C
____ (b) A.D

Signed _______________________

Girls all if these r so true ha

WHEN WE GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............
1. We have absolutely no idea where our purse is.. and for some
reason, that's ok.

2. We believe that dancing with our arms overhead and wiggling
our butts while yelling "WOO-HOO" is truly the sexiest dance move around.

3. We've suddenly decided that we want to kick (or slap) someone's ass(ino bello!) and
honestly believe we could do it too.

4. In our last trip to pee, we realize that we now look more like
a homeless hooker than the goddess we started out as just 4 hours ago.

5. We drop our 3am abrakebabra/pizza slice/veggie burger on the
floor, pick it up and continue eating it like it's nobody's
business.

6.We start crying and declare to everyone we see, including
people we barely know, that we love them SOOOO MUCH. hah this def sounds familiar!!lol

7. We get extremely excited and jump up and down every time a new
song comes on because "OH MY GOD, I LOVE THIS SONG!" Heehee, Wednesday night girls!

8. We're suddenly full of profound spiritual wisdom... and so is
the eejit next to
us.

9. We don't see anything wrong with making out with
profs/co-workers/boss or ahem alot of our fellow college lads should they be around

10. The urge to take off articles of clothing, get up on the table or bar and start to sing or dance becomes strangely
overwhelming to us.

11. Our eyes just won't seem to stay open by themselves, so we keep them half closed and think it looks incredibly sexy.

12. We've suddenly taken up smoking and we believe we're really good at it (oh the shame!)

13. We yell at the barman who we believe has cheated us by
giving us just orange juice, but that's just because we can no longer taste the vodka.

14. We think we are in bed, but our pillow feels strangely like
the floor.. or like the mop.

15. We start every conversation with a slurred "Don't take this the wrong way but..."

16. We fail to notice that the toilet lid is down before we sit on it.

17. Our hugs begin to resemble wrestling take-down moves.

18. We are tired, but we are troopers so instead of going home,
we just sit on the floor wherever we are standing and take a
quick nap.

19. We begin leaving the buttons open on our button fly jeans to cut down on the time we're in the bathroom away from our drink.

20. We take our shoes off because a) they're ridiculously
impractical.. but soo beautiful! b) We believe it's the shoes'
fault that we can't walk straight.

21. We feel oddly comfortable sitting on the toilet peeing while having a full blown conversation with each other.

22. No matter what got broken, thrown up on, stolen, no matter
who said what or who went home with whoever else - we ALWAYS call
each other the next day.
SEND THIS ALONG TO ALL THE GIRLS YOU KNOW WHO LIKE TO HAVE FUN
(and don't mind laughing at themselves a little bit!)