Regina: Boo, you whore.

Regina: Get in loser, we're going shopping.

Regina: She thinks she's gonna have a party and not invite me? Who does she think she is?

Regina: I like *invented* her, you know what I mean?

Regina: Why were you talking to Janis Ian?

Regina: She's so pathetic. Let me tell you something about Janis Ian. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It's so embarrassing. I don't even... Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first boyfriend Kyle who was totally gorgeous but then he moved to Indiana, and Janis was like, weirdly jealous of him. Like, if I would blow her off to hang out with Kyle, she'd be like, "Why didn't you call me back?" And I'd be like, "Why are you so obsessed with me?" So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-girls pool party, I was like, "Janis, I can't invite you, because I think you're lesbian." I mean I couldn't have a lesbian at my party. There were gonna be girls there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? She was a LESBIAN. So then her mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then she dropped out of school because no one would talk to her, and she came back in the fall for high school, all of her hair was cut off and she was totally weird, and now I guess she's on crack.

Regina: Do you know what people say about you? They say you are homeschooled jungle freak who's a less hot version of me. So don't try to act all innocent. You can take that fake apology and shove it straight up your hair little a-
[gets hit by a schoolbus]

Regina: I know, right?

Regina: I'm starving.

Regina: Motherf -

Regina: Aaaaaaaah!

Regina: I'm wearing a spinal halo.

Regina: Stopping making this about you. I'm the one that got hit by the bus.

Regina: Okay, I'm going to forgive you because I'm a very Zen person... and I'm on a lot of pain medication right now.

Regina: You know Aaron really does like you. He's always talking about how unusual you are and it really pissed me off. Like this one time, I got this really expensive doll house from Germany, but I never played with it. So my mom wanted to give it to my cousin. But even though I didn't want it...

Regina: No. I threw it down the stairs.

Regina: I didn't want anyone else to have it. But that's just me.

Regina: Can you believe my f-ing mom is here?

Regina: [they giggle]

Regina: Bye.

Regina: To find out that everyone hates me? I don't care!

Regina: [Confused] What is happening to the world?

Regina: But you're, like, really pretty.

Regina: So you agree?

Regina: You think you're really pretty?

Regina: Oh my God, I love your skirt! Where did you get it?

Regina: Vintage, so adorable.

Regina: [after girl walks away] That is the ugliest f-ing skirt I've ever seen.

Regina: I know she's kind of socially retarded and weird, but she's my friend... so, just promise me you wont make fun of her!

Regina: I gave him everything! I was half a virgin when I met him.

Regina: I can't go to taco bell, I'm on an all-carb diet. GOD Karen you're so stupid!

Regina: No one understands me...

Regina: Why don't I know you?

Regina: What?

Regina: Wait... what?

Regina: No, I know what home-school is, I'm not retarded! So you've actually never been to a real school before? Shut up! Shut up!

Regina: Still true.

Regina: Still half-true.

Regina: That's funny, put that in there.

Regina: Is he bothering you? Jason, why are you such a skeeze?

Regina: Jason, you do not come to a party at my house with Gretchen and then scam on some poor innocent girl right in front of us three days later. She's not interested. Do you want to have sex with him?

Regina: Good. So it's settled. So you can go shave your back now. Bye, Jason.

Regina: Cady, do you even know who sings this?

Regina: I love her. She's like a Martian!

Regina: Gretchen, stop trying to make fetch happen! I