Do you want to go to a club where people wee on each other?

I heard that their periods attract bears, BEARS CAN SMELL THE MENSTRUATION!

Howie: I used to think the sun was evil but now I know it's not. Wayne: How's the moon treating you? Howie: Not a fan.

Clark: What's steroids? Richie: Something that makes your pee-pee smaller. Clark: There must be steroids in macaroni!

You're not, you're clearly from Leeds. I've seen the way you speak to women, 'Get in me wheelbarrow you dirty cow'.

I can't go in there, I've got asthma.

So one day, I chopped his head off... Cup of tea anyone?

When you are the moon, there is a person people say is the sun. I saw the sun once, and he came past me really fast and it was called the, an eclipse. And he came, but as he came past I licked his back. He don't know I licked his back, all on his yellow suit. I'm the moon.

He's so bright and milky white, shining down upon the ground. He's so bright, milky white, shining down upon the ground. Everybody look at the moon, everybody see in the moon, the moon is bright, he's milky white, everybody look at the moon. Huh! Uh, I did a song, Jupiter I did a song! You aint' got one! Eh! Ho! Ho! Uh, I feel sick.

Should I have made them a cup of tea?

In the 60s, a man he come in, 'n he put a flag in my um belly. He drivin' around in the buggy and he jump around. One small step for mankind, and one big step for the moon. He not been back since....... should I'ave made him a cup of tea?

I did a bit of acting once, I was in Home and Away. I played Carol.

Once I watched a televisual programme called a Power Rangers and according to them the bad people have a castle on the moon... I'm sorry, but they're all blummin' liars. There's nothing on the moon, not a...sandworm or a sellotape or a washin' baskets or fence made of pasta. It's just me on my own, like a big lonely ping pong ball...floating in the space. I wish I had friends!

Dear Lord baby Jesus, or as our brothers in the south call you, 'Jezus,' we thank you so much for this bountiful harvest of Dominos, KFC, and the always delicious Taco Bell. I just want to take time to say thank you for my family. My two beautiful, beautiful, handsome stricking sons, Walker, and Texas Ranger, or TR as we call him. And of course my red hot smokin' wife Carley, who is a stone cold fox.

(Ms.Swan goes to Candystore when it's closing) I lost someting in the store.
[Man] Okay, what did you lose?
[Ms.Swan] Candy!

I caught you a delicious Bass..

We do Not Condone Hitler In Any Way! BAD! BAD HITLER!

I can't go to prison Roy!They'll rape the flip out of me!

It's not like you've lost a pen, is it? It's so much worse. Would you like a pen. I have a spare one.

I feel trapped like a moth, in a bath.

Last night, I was stirred from my slumber by a crow calling three times 'caw, caw', well you know what a crow sounds like. Passing to my window, I trod on a piece of lego.. oh it went right in the heel! Turning on my television set I noticed the reception wasn't great, not terrible, just not great. Hear me now, no good can come of your trip to the theatre tonight! And if you ask me... well that's just bloody rude. Where's my 'Heat'?

I'm disabled... they've stolen me wheelchair!

A gay musical, called 'Gay'. That's quite gay. A gay musical? Aren't all musicals gay? This must be like the gayest musical ever made.

You'll thank me when were not all eaten by zombies

You want this dog?!

You want this dog?!

I have to em go i have......Terrible foot odour.

[Peter] Oh no she didn't!
[Joe] She did, Peter
[Peter] Oh no she didn't!
[Joe] Peter, she did!
[Peter] Oh no she di-
[Joe interrupts] SHE DID PETER... I JUST SAW IT!!!

You must be a Parking Ticket, cause you got fine written alll over YOU

Hi, Super Nintendo Chalmers!

[Willy] Lunchlady Doris have ya got any grease?
[Lunchlady Doris] Yes, yes we do.
[Willy] THEN GREASE ME UP WOMAN!!
[Lunchlady Doris] Okey Dokey!

Now where's my card. Ok, I'm an elk, a communist, the president of the gay and lesbian comittee for some reason, oh here it is. The Stone cutters.

My Homer is not a communist. He may be a liar, a pig, an idiot, a communist, but he is not a porn star.

Boo yah mother fuckas!

I woke up this morning in a Japanese family's rec room and they would NOT stop screaming!

Champ here! I'm all about havin' fun. You know, get a couple cocktails in me, start a fire in someone's kitchen. Maybe go to SeaWorld, take my pants off. Anyway, I kinda known for my catch phrase WHAMMY! As in Gene Tenace at the plate... iiittt WHAMMY! WHAMMY!

Why so serious?

The Only People Who Drive SUVS are some yummy mummies who didn't get started having kids till there 48 do they care NO! Cause they won't be on the fucking planet when its as red as the fucking mars Get a normal size Car And shut THE FUCK UP

{Andrew} We are a Peaceful country {Jimmy} You should really Stop Broadcasting that you'll get invaded again