Up at five and really so keen,
To see the bond of man and machine

3 hours to drive to get to the start
We all have a laugh and so full of heart

We know it is early, the weather is damp
But we need to see cars come off the ramp

Through fog and rain we push on with style
We know the main man is due in a while

Then comes a whistle, the marshal says time
A car is now coming through forests of pine

Its howl is so frightening, like a banshee on heat
There is no escape, as we shuffle our feet

And suddenly now its why we are here
McRae over crest of course in top gear!

Its been worth the wait, the weather, the toil,
To see the brave Scot here on home soil

But now there is silence, and its deafening too
Cos you and the wee man have bid us adieu.

So rest in peace Colin you and your lad
You gave us your best, John be proud of your dad.

The memories you left us are all just the best
You shone like a star, just simply the best.

Colin you"re a mate and thats what we all thought
It made you our hero and that just cant be bought.

Now your in heaven with your boy and at rest
But you left us the true meaning of FLAT OVER CREST

You Know You're a Farmer When ......
getting up at 7am is a lie-in

you've run over your own cat in a tractor (dont say a fuckin thing)

when someone says they live on an estate you think of fields and woods rather than a barratts development

you tut at people in tesco buying organic food

you don't sit down to a single hot meal in august

you fall asleep with-in 3 minutes of sitting down in front of the t.v

your sun tan ends just above the elbow in the summer

you get more letters from DEFRA (Department of Environment and Farming Rural Affairs) than you do from friends and family

you can't drive along a road anywhere in britain without studying everyone else's crop's and livestock

drilling does not mean putting holes through interior walls

dress sense means cutting down on nitrogen applications

your 4x4 acctually goes off road

you get frustrated by people calling straw "hay"

your hands look like they are made with the same material as your boots

your bag on your hoover is full of grain from july to september

the faint (but agreeable) smell of diesel never leaves you

you most valued possession is your pen knife

track and field has nothing to do with athletics

you confidently walk arround the supermarket in wellies

you feel naked without baler twine in your pocket

1. When she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes..and girls love that!

2. Never hold her hand, This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness....or if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries, This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are!


3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over...Girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up!

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is say you better be , Repeat this four or five times until morning....This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault, This will pave the way for her own personal improvement and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things, they usually mean the most then
when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them...Because jewellery is for pussies and asian ladies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure shes looking When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words @#%$ you and grab the other girls ass...Girls love competition!

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner, drive for miles so she think it's going to be really special, then take her to a burning tyre yard and when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner, then drive her home...when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean
over and whisper very quietly into her ear "because i can"

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick", women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket...then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear!

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do), Leave immediately, Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh, a good way to do this is if she has a small pet....kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny, Why shouldn't girls?


14. Let her fall asleep in your arms, When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things, like Basketball.

15. Spit often, I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her, this will only give her self confidence, Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be!

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way shell go crazy!

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she's about to order interrupt and say no she's not hungry, Make her watch you eat, Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy!

20. Give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell, a bad smell, you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying, She'll say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you @#%$ baby, Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Nipple cripple and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no, this way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her Birthday but don't get her something, Teach her
material objects arent important. The only thing thatsimportant is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get.