1. Don't be gay.

2. Be "true".

3. All people who aren't "true" are gay.

4. Be grim.

5. Be necro.

6. Be simultaneously grim and necro if at all possible.

7. Break things while being grim and necro.

8. Don't have fun at concerts. Stand around with arms crossed.

9. Repeat all above while denouncing organized religion in any form.

10. Never ever, EVER under ANY circumstances...

11. ...Listen to Peccatum.

12. When someone asks you if you enjoy the music of Mayhem, point out that
you only enjoy the music of "the true" Mayhem. Maniac is gay.

13. Don't play with fuzzy things, excepting that by "play" you mean "burn".

14. Don't be Dani Filth.

15. Never, ever, under any circumstances utter the phrase "Kenny G slams,
man."

16. Don't be Dani Filth.

17. When your mom tells you to take out the garbage tell her that you're too
metal to remove refuse.

18. Run for it!

19. Sodomize a virgin whore.

20. Sodomize anything that is not male. (Fuzzy things look out!)

21. Make sure your album goes out of print about 3 years after its
release... so it becomes 'cult'.

22. When in doubt, say "True Norwiegian Black Metal!"

23. If that doesn't work, blast beats can fill any silence.

24. Turn any cross you find upside-down.

25. Nipple twisting is not a blackmetal activity..

26. Write a cult, underground, grim and necro zine. Feature only interviews
with bands no one has heard of, even "true"
blackmetallers.

27. Never ever, EVER, EVER be open-minded.

28. Never write songs less than 15 minutes long and containing less than 15
adjectives in the title.

29. a) paint face. b) go in woods. c) act like troll.

30. Don't be Mortiis (or Dani Filth).

31. Don't wear white shoes after Labor Day.

32. Don't make jokes only your mom would get.

33. Don't make jokes.

34. When in doubt, scowl with eyes downturned.

35. Don't eat Marshmellow Peeps.

36. To producers of black metal albums: remember...no low end! If it doesn't
hurt to listen to, it can't be "true".

37. Make sure that no less than half of the musicians on your album are
"session" members.

38. When in concert, always growl names of songs so that they are
imperceptible. This will ensure that anyone who doesn't have your "cult" LP
won't get it.

39. Never play live.

40. When getting ready to go to a show, completely forget that the other
people there are not going to the show to look at you.

41. Use barbed wire whenever possible. (Note: this assists in being both
"necro" and "grim".)

42. When asked by a non true BMer what BM is, say something like, "BM is the
raw essence of pure black evil in man", in any case, make sure that by the
conversations end, the other person still has no idea what black metal is.

43. Drive one of your band members to suicide, and claim he died because of
the "mainstream" "infecting" the "scene".

44. Reform with "old members" and release an album intended to produce
commercial success.

45. When it flops say that you meant it to fail cause anything less wouldn't
be "true".

46. Have a side project. Ensure that all other members of your band also
have side projects.

47. Fill out the other slots in your other member's side projects as
"session" musicians.
48. Record everything in the same studio with the same
producer/instruments/equipment/etc
 .

49. Make sure your album cover never consists of more than three colors
(color options allowed: grey, black, white).

50. Publicly state that your band is "non-religious", then use the word
"Satan" over 400 times on your one-song thirty-minute album.

51. Never stuff your shoes to make them appear puffy and avoid the wearing
of backwards baseball caps if at all possible. Red ones in particular.

52. Insist that music should never progress and that it should still sound
the same way it did 9 friggin years ago.

53. Never say "friggin".

54. Never finish anything you start.

55. The w

Now that the wind called my name
And my star had faded now hardly a glimpse up in the empty space
And the wise one-eyed great father in the sky stilled my flame

For the ones who stood me near
And you few who were me dear
I ask of thee to have no doubts and no fears

For when the great clouds fills the air
And the thunder roars from o, so far away up in the sky
Then for sure you will know that I have reached the joyous hall up high

With my bloodbrothers at side
All sons of father with one eye
We were all born in the land of the blood on ice

And now you all who might hear my song
Brought to you by the northern wind have no fear
Though the night may seem so everlasting and forever dark

There will come a golden dawn
At ends of nights for all yee on whom
Upon the northstar always shines

The vast gates to hall up high
Shall stand open wide and welcome you with all its within
And Oden shall hail us bearers of a pounding hammerheart