How To Shower Like a Woman

Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry
basket according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.

If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to
do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.

Get in the shower.

Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added
vitamins.

Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.

Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until
red.

Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair.

Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

Spray mold spots with Tile cleaner.

Get out of shower.

Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If you
see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.





How To Shower Like a Man



Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them
in a pile.

Walk naked to the bathroom.

If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the
'woo-woo' sound.

Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum.

Get in the shower.

Wash your face.

Wash your armpits.

Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart
and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash
your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.

Wash your hair.

Make a Shampoo Mohican

Wee.

Rinse off and get out of shower.

Partially dry off.

Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath
the whole time.

Admire willy size in mirror again.

Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on. Return
to bedroom with towel around waist.

If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the
'woo-woo' sound again.

Throw wet towel on bed.

I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!!

have i ever......

1 Slept naked? yea
2. Taken a shower with someone? yea
3. Kissed a member of the same sex? yes, no tongues obviously
4. Drove a car? yes...
5. Stole anything? yea....foolishly!
6. Been in love? eh...no comment
7. Been Drunk ? bowling alley, bottle of whiskey, i dont need to explain
8. Stole money from a friend/family member? like 50p when i was about 6 for sweets after mass hahaha
17. Had a crush on your neighbour? i think i did actually
18. Ditched school to do something more fun? ghod yeah
19. Slept in a bed with a member of the opposite sex? yes
20. Lost a friend? no thank god
21. Been on a plane? yea
22. Been to an island? i live on one!
23. Slept in until 3? yes
24. Love someone or miss someone right now? nope
25. Laid on your back and watched clouds go by? yes, havnt done it in ages
26. Made a snow angel? yes
27. Played dress up? wha!
28. Cheated while playing a game? im known for it haha
29. Been lonely? yes
30. Kissed more than 4 people in one night? nope, im not a whore!
32. Felt an earthquake? naw
34. Ran a red light? yes...unintentionally!
35. Been suspended from school? nope
36. Had detention? yes
37. Been in a car accident? yea, 3 of em haha...
38. Had a party in your house while ur parents were away? fuck yeah!
39. Used a fake id? never had ta!
40. Crawled through a window? yes
41. Been lost? yes
42. Been to the opposite side of the country? yes
44. Cried yourself to sleep? naw
47. Done something you told yourself you wudnt do? god yeah
48. Laughed until something you were drinking came out your nose? god yeah
49. Caught a snowflake on your tongue? naw
50. Kissed in the rain? yes
51. Sang in the shower? all the time
52. Made love in a park? no...car is the most excitin ive been!
53. Had a dream that you married someone? no
54. Glued your hand to something? yea hahaha
55. Got your tongue stuck to a flag pole? naw
56. Ever gone to school partially naked? naw
57. Been a cheerleader? yes, i was moate schools top cheerleader hahaha
58. Had more than ten boy/girl friends? on number 3 at the mo!
59. Didn't take a shower for a week? yes haha
60. Ever too scared to watch scary movies alone? im scared to watch no matter whose with me haha
61. Played chicken? no
62. Been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on? no thank fuck
63. Been told you're hot by a complete stranger? yes hahaha
65. Been easily amused? all the time
66. Laugh so hard you cry? yes
67. Flashed someone? no..oh wait yea i did hahaha
68. Cheated on a test? yes, once again, known for cheating!
69. Forgotten someone's name? yea...hate when that happens!
70. Had a dream you had sex with someone? gud auld wet dreams.
70. Done something dumb while drunk? every time im drunk i do something fuckin dumb!?
73. Blacked out from drinking? bowling alley, no recollection whatsoever!
74. Played a prank on someone? pyke theres a big crack on yor cymbal haha
75. Gone to a late night movie? no actually...or maybe i did!...dunno!
76. Made love to anything not human? WHAT THE FUCK, NOOOO!
77. Failed a subject? all me mocks, im so proud!?
78. Choked on something you're not supposed to eat? no
79. Smoked pot? yeah
80. Cheated on a girl/boyfriend? eh...no comment
82. Thrown strange objects? hahaha yeah
83. Felt like killing someone? kill? no...hurt? yes!
84. Thought about running away? no
86. Got a piercing? none
87. Cut your own hair? no
88. Won a trophy? medal for under 11's art count??haha
89. Made a parent cry? no...dont think so
90. Cried over someone? yea
91. Owned more than 5 sharpies? no
92. Dated someone more than once? no
93. Had/Have a dog? yes...miss him too
94. Have an iPod? yes, same tunes on it since i got it 3 years ago haha
95. Smoked a cigarette? yes
96. Been in a band? yeah, too fuckin many
97. Drank 25 soft drinks in a day? no but wud like too, mental sugar rush hahaha
98. Broken a CD? yea haha
99. Shot a gun? no
100. Wanted someone but could