...and now one for all our older listeners. Yes folks its your favourite and mine, its Mad Mel & The Melon Pumps with "Chili Flake In My Eye"...

Chili chili chili chili chili flake,
Oh how in my eye, you do ache,
I don't know how you got there and I don't know why,
Oh chili flake please, get out of my eye.

Chili chili chili chili chili flake,
You're really starting to hurt now, for goodness sake,
I love you on my pizza because you give it spice,
But stuck in my eye, it is not very nice.

Chili chili chili chili chili flake,
I thought you were my friend but now you take the cake,
My eye is turning red now, it is really sore,
I promise never to eat you any more.

Chili chili chili chili chili flake,
You have made me blind now, my eyes are opaque,
Everyone is staring, they are having a gawp,
Oh little chili flake, you're gonna make me - because your really stinging - your gonna make me, beee-bar-iiic YAAAWP!

My name is elaine I am whacked I love sara the weirdo long very much we shall run away togheter and eat vinyl records together exclamation mark exclamation mark and ciara my wife long she s great when I have loads of money ill build us a huge tree house and we will live there with our squirrel children mike and seamy. Ben surf shop ben is great toohe is getting me loads of free clothes and his tll exclamation mark exclamaton mark clare is whacked too and is ringin people jamie isn’t wearin any pants on the telephone.
Sara the great here I just want to say that I love ye all but it was 1952 the year of the salmon run, Elaine’s salmon babies running everywhere, all over the Great barrier reef!! A fine year for brandy!! My monkey is being all lesbianism with her wife. Ben I think our great, an we are going to break into your shop and monKey ate a whole wheel of cheesE, im not even mad that’s amazing! Claire I think I love you… I LIKE CAKE!!!!
The princes ran and ran until the shrew could not keep up any more so the she reached for the stars and pulled down a hoover an could not believe how much that fucker could suck. It didn’t even pick up the normal dust it picked up the hyper allergic shit. Like tiger fur and hedgehog skin. At this point the King of kingdom decided that party was not just for surf shop owners and bitches from upper goat street and decided that we should all go to bed.
But the turtle had another idea and the world could not believe how this could effect it. With the cheerleader in safe contention the others decided that it was time to don they’re spandex uniform and confront the filth that was layed before them. In they’re disgust the badger said:
“portal shrew, she likes chicken. Side effects include disappearing for a few hours and coming back with extremely large pupils!!! But it is ok because Francois the inuit baby saved the day with his purple rabbit and group of down-syndrome acrobatic jugglers. And then… you wouldn’t believe it! 50 clowns burst out of the closet and started singing the English national anthem. So like loads dingle people kicked the shit out of them. The next day there was a lot of clowns found in the fishing nets round dingle. Clare Mac was snoring so loud it woke up francoise and he went on a murderous rampage in dingle. Omigod the blood and guts! It was horrifying! Terrifying! The only good thing that came of it was that david heaton, the walking std was trod on and squished into a nasty mess that got thrown to cats in marion mark and they ate it. The next day there was a lot of dead cats in the fishing nets round dingle. It was a hot winters day and the eggs were scrambled on a frying pan with cooking oil made from tomatoes. Elaine is going to take over the world using only her ears ane teeth THE END.
P.S. Sara thinks we can win a pelzar prize for this story….

Ooo mooonkeeey
Here is a song, it's about a monkey
A dirty, dirty monkey!
On her birthday she was all spunky!
This small, hairy human,
Oh she loves money, and alcohol in her tummy!
I think she has problems but I won't tell her,
Cos she'll nail me to the floor!
I hope me and this monkey have fun
When we are living on the run!
Ooo mooonkeeey...