AT THE BEGINNING OF TIME GOD WAS

DISCUSSING THE CREATION OF THE WORLD

WITH THE ANGEL GABRIEL. LEANING BACK

IN HIS GOLDEN THRONE, HE TOLD HIM OF

HIS PLANS FOR SCOTLAND.


"GABRIEL," GOD SAID, "I AM GOING TO GIVE

SCOTLAND TOWERING MOUNTAINS AND

MAGNIFICANT GLENS RESPLENDANT WITH

PURPLE HEATHER. RED DEER WILL ROAM THE

COUNTRYSIDE, GOLDEN EAGLES WILL CIRCLE IN

THE SKIES, SALMON WILL LEAP IN THE

CRYSTAL CLEAR RIVERS AND LOCHS, AND THE

SURROUNDING SEAS WILL TEEM WITH FISH.

AGRICULTURE WILL FLOURISH AND THERE WILL

BE A GLORIOUS COMING TOGETHER OF WATER

WITH BARLEY TO BE KNOWN AS WHISKY.

COAL, OIL AND GAS - ALL WILL BE THERE. THE

SCOTS WILL BE INTELLIGENT, INNOVATIVE,

INDUSTRIOUS AND....."


"WAIT A MINUTE!" INTERUPTED

GABRIEL. "ARE YOU NOT BEING JUST A WEE

BIT TOO GENEROUS TO THERE SCOTS?"


BUT THE ALMIGHTY REPLIED, "NOT

REALLY. I HAVEN'T TOLD YOU WHO THEIR

NEIGHBOURS ARE GOING TO BE!!"

Things I hate about everybody....
1. People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch when I ask where the toilet is?

2. People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change the channel manually.

3. When people say "Oh you just want to have your cake and eat it too". Fucking right! What good is a cake if you can't eat it?

4. When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it is. Why the fuck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people do this? Who and where are they?

5. When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the fucking floor.

6. People who ask "Can I ask you a question?". Didn't really give me a choice there, did you sunshine?

7. When something is new and improved!. Which is it? If it's new, then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement, then there must have been something before it.

8. When people say "life is short". What the fuck?? Life is the longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's longer?

9. When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come yet?". If the bus came would I be standing here, Knobhead?

10. People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

11. When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

12. People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an image I really didn't need.

13. McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you unless you insert the Mc before the item you are ordering.....It has to be a McChicken Burger, just a Chicken burger gets blank looks...........Well I'll have a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you fucking McTosser.

14. When you're involved in a accident and someone asks are you alright? Yes fine thanks, I'll just pick up my limbs and be off.

Sons of Scotland...
I am William Wallace...
And I see...
A whole army of my countrymen...
Here in the defiance of tyranny...
You've come to fight as free men...
And free men you are!

What will you do with that freedom?
Will you fight?

Fight and you may die...
Run and you'll live...
At least a while!

And dying in your beds, many years from now...
Would you be willing to trade...
All the days from this day to that...
For one chance, just one chance...
To come back here and tell our enemies...
That they may take our lives...
But they'll never take OUR FREEDOM