1. Scattered showers with outbreaks of sunshine and a cold northerly
wind, is your idea of good weather.

2. The only sausage you like is square.

3. You were forced to do Scottish country dancing every year at high
school.

4. You have a wide knowledge of local words, and know: Numpty is an
idiot, Aye is yes, Aye right is No, Auldjin is someone over 40, and
Baltic is cold.

5. You have an irrational need to eat anything from the chippy, as long
as its deep fried - Haggis, pizza, black pudding, sausage, fish, chicken

and battered Mars Bars.

6. You used to love destroying your teeth with - Penny Dainties,
Refreshers, Wham Bars, Cola Cubes, and Soor Plooms.

7. You always greet people by talking about the weather.

8. Even if you normally hate the Proclaimers, Runrig, Caledonia, Deacon
Blue, Big Country, etc, you still love it when they are played in a club abroad.

9. You have an enormous feeling of dread when Scotland plays football,
even when they're playing a diddy team.

10. You are proud that Scotland has the highest number of alcohol and
smoking deaths in Europe.

11. You used to watch Glen Michael's Cartoon Cavalcade on a Sunday
Afternoon with his lamp Paladdin.

12. You got Oor Wullie and The Broons books Every Christmas.

13. You only enjoy Weir's Way on the telly, when you are pissed.

14. You are able to recognise the regional dialect,
(Glasgow) 'Awright pal, gonie gies a wee swatcha yir paper nat, Cheers,
magic pal.
(Aberdeen) Fitlike Loon? Furryboots ya bin up tae? Fair few quines in
the night, min.
(Inverness) Ah-eee right enuffff! How's you keeeepeeeen?

15. You know the police are about to arrive when you hear someone shout
'Errapolis'.

16. You have witnessed a 'Square Go'

17. You know that when you are asked which School you attended they
really mean, 'Are you Catholic or Proddy?'

18. You have eaten the following: Mince and Tatties, Cullen Skink,
Tunnock's Teacakes, Snowballs and Caramel Wafers, Porage, Macaroon Bar,
Baxters Soup, Scotch Pie, Oatcakes.

19. A Jakey has ask you for 10p for a cuppa tea.

20. You wait at the shop counter for 1p change.

21. You know that the right response to 'you dancing?' is 'you askin?'
followed by 'am askin' and finally 'then am dancin'.

22. You associated sawdust with vomit, coz the 'jannie' always, used to
pour it over sick in school.

23. You lose all respect for a groom who doesn't wear a kilt.

24. You don't do shopping, you 'go for the messages'.

25. You're on a bus and the drunk picks you to sit next to.

26. You are able to conduct a 20 minute phone call using three words
only,-- Awright, aye, and naw.

27. When you refuse the offer of a drink, you hear, ' You no well?'

28. You have heard the following:

You canny fling pieces oot a 20 storey flat,
700 hungry weans'll testify to that,
If its butter, cheese or jelly,
If the breed is plain or pan,
The odd against it reachin' earth,
Are ninety-nine tae wan.

29. You know that going to a party means bringin a Kerry oot.

30. Your holiday in Benidorm is ruined when you hear there is a heatwave
back home.

31. Scotland go 2-0 up against the French, and you immediately think,
getting beat 3-2 was 'no a bad result'.

32. You can pronounce: McConnochie, Ecclefechan, Milngavie, and
Kirkcaldy.

33. You've eaten deep fried Pizza and liked it.

34. You can't pass a Kebab shop after being at the pub.

35. You are used to four seasons in one day. (winter, winter, autumn,
winter)

36. You can fall when drunk and not spill your drink.

37. You see people wearing shellsuits with Burberry accessories, and
think 'that's class'.

38. You measure distance in minutes.

39. You understand Rab C. Nesbitt.

40. You have had a caravan holiday in Saltcoats but spent all of your
time in 'the amusements' because it was pishing it doon.

41. You can make a whole sentence using only swear words.

42. You know what haggis is m

1. You've had your school uniform personally tailored at John Orr's.
2. You've drunk Buckfast tonic wine in the bluebell woods.
3. You've had your picture taken with two wee monkeys' in woolly clothes at Airdrie fair day.
4. You have or had a bank account at Britain's only independent bank: Airdrie Savings Bank.
5. You're a member of Scotland's first public library: Airdrie Library.
6. You had your first pint at the Staging Post.
7. You've watched some of the biggest Orange walks in Scotland.
8. You played or know someone who played in the oldest school boy football tournament in the world: Airdrie Schools' cup.
9. Your sister bought dance shoes at Flossie's.
10. You've tasted the best ice cream in the world at the King's cafe, i.e. Josephine's.
11. You wasted some school afternoon at Airdrie Market.
12. You call the roundabout at Clarkston the terminus, even though a tram hasn't been there for about 45 years.
13. You've fallen asleep on the Glasgow night bus to Airdrie and ended up lost in Clarkston.
14. You saw some puppet show in the Airdrie Arts Centre.
15. You bought your first 12" remix vinyl at Tracks.
16. You saw a jobby at the bottom of Airdrie baths and tell your friends that you would never @#$%& in the pool.
17. You went into depression when Airdrieonians went bankrupt.
18. You're glad that Airdrie play in a sexy strip, unlike Motherwell, who play in an ass wipe top.
19. You end up drinking in Coatbridge or Coatdyke at some point of the night.
20. You went to the roller disco in the Cairnhill hotel.
21. You've been to a wedding in the Tudor hotel, then told everyone you're never getting married.
22. You spread a rumour that the Monklands canal is opening in 3 years.
23. You're proud that Pinwinnie Whisky and Heather Cream are from Airdrie.
24. You keep wondering when Mister H is going to close and how he survives.
25. You're sad about all the empty shops, sunbed, charity and shoe shops.
26. You bought your lunch at Dalziel bakers.
27. You thought you were going to get stabbed, @#$%& and bagged at Airdrie bus station one lonely winter night.
28. You know that the first penalty and penalty shoot out were taken at Broomfield.
29. You had your first fumble in the daffodil woods and lied to your friends the next day telling them you did everything.
30. You wonder if anyone ever buys anything from Henderson's.
31. You got you keys cut at Goldies and actually had good service in Airdrie.
32. You wish John Menzies was back to compete with WH Smiths.
33. You remember Noel Edmonds coming to open a shop in Airdrie.
34. You bought a mouse from Sam Marshall's without telling yer maw.
35. You remember Airdrie having six discos including the Double A.
36. You've never paid on the Airdrie to Glasgow blue line, regretting you now have to get off at High street.
37. You saw the Silencers and the Big Dish in Airdrie Town hall and then went upstairs to the lesser.
38. You know that someone with beady eyes and a grey blazer is attending St Margaret's.
39. You've tried to count all the Airdrie coat of arms in the town or you'll try after this.
40. You've seen Airdrie in two Scottish cup finals, maybe four if you're very old.
41. You saw someone eat a dog in Whinhall.
42. You had to phone headquarters of Curry's because the staff in Airdrie say it's not their job: in fact nothing is.
43. You went on a long bike journey i.e. the Cleddans; my, aren't you fit?
44. You got a skin head at the barbers next to the Double A, and then tried to steal a Vespa scooter outside the Broomfield Tavern; no you're not a Mod!
45. You don't know anyone who's in the Section B.
46. You've had your picture in the Advertiser.
47. You know someone who stole golf balls for a living.
48. You've used the public observatory in Airdrie library.
49. You know someone who worked in Boot's factory, Albert Bartlett (Britain's largest potato grower), the Pye imperial tube works

*Twas the month before Christmas*

*When all through our land,*

*Not a Christian was praying*

*Nor taking a stand.*

*See the PC Police had taken away,*

*The reason for Christmas - no one could say.*

*The children were told by their schools not to sing,*

*About Shepherds and Wise Men and Angels and things.*

*It might hurt people's feelings, the teachers would say*

* December 25th is just a ' Holiday '.*

*Yet the shoppers were ready with cash, checks and credit*

*Pushing folks down to the floor just to get it!*

*CDs from Madonna, an X BOX, an I-pod*

*Something was changing, something quite odd! *

*Retailers promoted Ramadan and Kwanzaa*

*In hopes to sell books by Franken & Fonda.*

*As Targets were hanging their trees upside down*

* At Lowe's the word Christmas - was no where to be found.*

*At K-Mart and Staples and Penny's and Sears*

*You won't hear the word Christmas; it won't touch your ears.*

*Inclusive, sensitive, Di-ver-si-ty*

*Are words that were used to intimidate me.*

*Now Daschle, Now Darden, Now Sharpton, Wolf Blitzen*

*On Boxer, on Rather, on Kerry, on Clinton !*

*At the top of the Senate, there arose such a clatter*

*To eliminate Jesus, in all public matter.*

*And we spoke not a word, as they took away our faith*

* Forbidden to speak of salvation and grace*

*The true Gift of Christmas was exchanged and discarded*

*The reason for the season, stopped before it started.*

*So as you celebrate 'Winter Break' under your 'Dream Tree'*

*Sipping your Starbucks, listen to me.*

*Choose your words carefully, choose what you say*

*Shout MERRY CHRISTMAS ,

not Happy Holiday !*

Please, all Christians join together and

wish everyone you meet

MERRY CHRISTMAS



Christ is �The Reason� for the Christ-mas Season!