1) your eyes are like spaners , every time you look at me my nuts tighten

2)do uyou have a map , cause i keep getting lost in your eyes

3)do you have any sunscreen , cause your burning me up .

mr cadbury met ms rowntree in a room on quality st.it was after eight.he turned out the light for a bit of black magic!he slipped his hand down her snickers and showed her his curly wurly.not keen to have any jelly babies she let him take a trip up bourneville boulevard. she screamed with turkish delight! as he took out his fun sized mars bar it felt a bit crunchie and she wanted some time out but he did a twirl and had a picnic

1) im as sick as a small hospital

2) im so hungry Id eat a small child

3) She had a face on her like a well slapped arse

4) Youre as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

5) My mouth is as dry as a nun’s crack

6) He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup

7) He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician

As funny as a burning orphanage

9) Hes so camp, he shites tent pegs

10) Im as sick as a plane to Lourdes

11) I feel like a boiled shite (hungover)

12) (when leaving) Im off like a debs dress

13) She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

14) As busy as the Dalkey dole office

15) Sweatin like a paedophile in a Barney suit

16) As tight as a nuns knickers

17) Im so horny Id get up on the crack of dawn

1 Id crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry

19) Up and down like a hoors knickers

20) No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

21) Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

22) What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt?

23) I left her with a face like a painter’s radio

24) A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard

25) Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche

26) As fit as a butcher,s dog

27) She,s got more chins than a Chinese phone book

2 Not even the tide would take her out

29) Mother Teresa wouldnt kiss her

30) Daz wouldn,t shift her

31) Des Kelly wouldn,t lay her

32) A sniper wouldnt take her out

33) Jaysus, ya wouldnt ride her into battle

34)if had a bag of bruised willies i wouldnt give her one

35) she has a face on her like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

36) she wouldnt get a kick in a stampede

37) She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab

3 If Id a garden full of mickeys I wouldnt let her look over the wall

39) I’d ride anything once it has a hole and a heartbeat

40) she gos like a massy fergoson with a fuel tank of plutoneum