She had a face on her like a well slapped arse
>
>You're as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit
>My mouth's as dry as a nun's crack
>He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup
>He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician
>
>As funny as a burning orphanage
>
>He's so camp, he sh1ts tent pegs
>
>I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes
>
>I feel like a boiled sh1te (hungover)
>
>(when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress
>She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn
>
>As busy as the dalkey dole office
>
>Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit
>
>As tight as a nun's knickers
>
>I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn
>
>I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of
>the
>van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.
>
>Up and down like a hoor's knickers
>
>No show pony but would do for a ride around the house
>
>Did your mother find out who your father is yet?
>
>What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt?
>
>I left her with a face like a painters radio
>
>A mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard
>
>Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche
>
>As fit as a butcher's dog
>
>She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book
>
>Not even the tide would take her out
>
>Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her
>
>Daz wouldn't shift her
>
>Des Kelly wouldn't lay her
>
>A sniper wouldn't take her out
>
>Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle
>
>If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one
>
>She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a
>
>nettle
>
>She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede
>
>She had a f@nny like a badly packed kebab
>
>If I'd a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall
>
>Give her a boot in the arse and a bucket of mickeys would fall out of
>
>her

Mantach - missing front teeth eg. Ken McGrath is mantach

Báite - eg "I gave it báite" - I put a fair bit of effort into it

Stomached - surprised eg. "Jays, when he came up behind me I was awful stomached"

Bollix - John Denton or Pat Spillane

Mighty - very good

Hames - a right mess - eg. "he made a hames of that clearance"

Timber - intimidation of a hurling opponent

Welt - swing at

Lamp - a good thump

A Crowd – e.g. "that crowd from Tommie Larkins are a right shower of shites"

Schkelp - a good thump

Bullin' - angry. eg. "the centre half back was bullin' after I lamped him"

Bull thick - very angry

Joult - a push

Joshel - a shoulder push

The Comm-it-eeee - Local GAA bullshitters in general

Bushted - eg. "Jayz me arm is bushted"

Bomber - a very popular nickname for a GAA player

A hang sangwidge - consumed with tay on the sides of roads after matches in Croker or Thurles.

Citeog - he hit it with his citeog. ie. left handed/footed

Warp - hit something hard as in "I'll fuckin' warp you"

Blast - A great amount of anything.

Rake - Also a great amount of anything, usually pints of Guinness

A Shamozzle - a group of players shkelpin' one another but not exactly hittin' anyone at the same time!

Flakin' - usually goes on for a whole game..... eg. "Jayz Paul Cooney gave Pateen Higgins an awful flakin' below in Loughrea on Sunday". To "flake" a lad for a whole game usually starts off with a bit of the aforementioned "joshellin'" and "joultin'" and develops into a bit of "weltin'" and may even result in a good "lampin'" for the victim especially if he gets "bull thick".

Namajaysus - What was that for, referee?

Ya-bollix-ya - Corner back's formal recognition of a score by his opponent

Leh-it-in-ta-fuck-would-ya - Full forward's appeal to a midfielder for a more timely delivery of the pass

Mullocker - untidy or awkward players

Horsed - bout of rough play or intimidatory tactics as in “we horsed them out of it

Horse - untidy or rough player. There's one in every club

Row - Fight involving four or more players swinging hurleys like lunatics

Massive Row - Row involving both team,substitutes and supporters jumping fences

Running Row - A massive row that continues out in the parking area and/or dressing room areas

** Here's a few more you'd hear around South Galway **:

"Come up ta Fuck"- A corner back back trying to rise the ball in conditions like Birr last Sunday.

"Lord Lantern Jaysus.." - "The next time you do that I'll fuckin kill ya"

"a hape" - A big quantity (Heap)

"in the paw" - To catch the ball.

"a Brawl" - A collection of bodies in disagreement with each other.

"a Dinger" - Usually a fast wing forward who can leave his opponent "for Dust".

"a right Cunt" - The Ref was a bit biased towards the other team.

1. Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
6. would u fuk me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11.. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?