THINGS TO DO IN ASDA
Things To Do in Asda!
1. Get 24 boxes of condoms & randomly put them in peoples trolleys when they aren't looking.....


2. Set all the alarm clocks in houseware department to go off at 5 minute intervals!!!

3. Go on one of the small kiddie rides in the store and start screaming at the top of your voice shouting "stop stop! its too scary! mummy!"

4. Walk up to an Asda employee and tell him/her in an official tone,

"Code 3 in George" and see what happens....


5. Go to the Service Desk and ask to put a bag of M&M's on credit card!


6. Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR!' sign to a carpeted area.


7. Set-up a tent in the Camping Department!! And tell other shoppers you are sleeping over and invite them in if they bring pillows from the Bedding Department.

8. When a clerk asks if they can help you, begin to cry and ask:

"Why can't you people just leave me alone?"


9. Look right into the security camera, use it as a mirror and pick your nose!


10. While handling large knives in the Kitchen Dept, ask the clerk if he knows where the anti-depressants are located.


11. Dart around the store suspiciously, roll around on the floor a bit, while loudly humming the theme from Mission Impossible. see if you get chucked out...


12. Hide in a clothing rack . . . and when people browse through, shout:

"PICK ME!!! PICK ME!!!"


13. When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker hit the floor and assume the fetal position and scream "NO...It's those voices again!!!"


14. Go into a fitting room, shut the door and wait a while... then yell loudly: "There's no toilet paper in here!!!"

15. Walk in the store in the early hours in the morning (its more quite then) have a look around then shout-

"THIS IS F**KING ASDA NOT TESCO!!"

then walk away whilst giving a clerk the 'evils'


16. Go up to a happily married couple... slyly move behind one of them and scream-

"SO IS THIS THE WHORE YOU HAVE BEEN SLEEPING AROUND WITH BEHIND MY BACK!!"

a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon






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Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk...

a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate





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Things that are ABSOLUTELY IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk...


a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I won't make any attempt to dance, I have no co-ordination. I'd hate to look like a fool.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.
j) I must be going home now as I have work in the morning.