The following is a recipe for your classic week away in the back end of god knows where. The ingredients are in no particular order but each and every one of them are essential.

Qty. Ingredient.
1 Amazingly big house with more bathrooms than most hotels.
100+ Cans of either Bavaria or Fosters
1 Legend of a golf with soft suspension
2 Amps which you'll have to accept will break
1 Bottle of Jagermeister (Very Chilled)
1 Churchill the dog (in spirit)
2 Jokers
5 Bottles of vodka
1 6' 8'' Spider piece of sex surfboard
1 copy of 'The Grudge'
1 'Princess'
1 Bottle of Cointreau
1 Big bag o Green
1 Bag of Straws
1 roll of duct tape
14 Litre bottles of some alco pop
1 roof rack
1 really long rope
1 pack of cards
1 Bottle of Creme de Cassis
60+ Bottles of Labatts Ice
1 7' 3'' Surfboard
1 Camera
1 Hotub
1 Really Really Big Fridge
Lots Eggs
Lots Sausages
Lots Bacon
1 George Foreman lean mean fat inhaling fuck machine
2 Really Really big speakers
3 Rental Softboards
1 Sound guy at the surf shop
1 Bottle of southern comfort
1 Night of shamefully Racist Jokes
14 Pints at the local
2 CDs of Techno

COOKING INSTRUCTIONS.
Put all the ingredients in the big house and turn the Temperature to 150 Decibels. Allow to cook for one amazing week of surfing, partying, fry ups, and Techno.

Enjoy!

"Irish students have been found to be the biggest drinkers in the world and 78pc of our voters believe the college-goers are more interested in getting wasted than getting a good education"... And what do we say? "DAMN RIGHT!"

Police are warning all men who frequent clubs, parties and local pubs, to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman.

Many females use a date rape drug on the market called "Beer" to target unsuspecting men. The drug is generally found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, in cans, from taps, and in large "kegs." Beer is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of Beer and then simply ask him home for no-strings-attached sex. Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several Beers, men will often succumb to desires to perform acts on horrific-looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking Beer, men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that "something bad" occurred.

At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life
savings, in a familiar scam known as "A Relationship." It has been
reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer-term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "Marriage." Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after Beer is administered and sex is offered by the predatory females.

Please forward this warning to every male you know. If you fall victim to this insidious Beer and the predatory women administering it, there are Male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages