• In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris

• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.

• The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

• There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

• Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.

• Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

• Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris.

• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

• In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

• Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

• Chuck Norris doesnt shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

• On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.

• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.

• There are no weapons of mass destruction in Iraq, Chuck Norris lives in Oklahoma.

• Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.

• Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.

• Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.

• Romans didn’t in fact build Rome in a day. Chuck Norris did.

• If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.

• Chuck Norris does not own a house. He walks into random houses and people move.

• Chuck Norris isn’t afraid of the dark. The dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

• Chuck Norris can judge a book by its cover.

LIVE MUSIC YAY!

live acts ive seen:

Dirty Pretty Things
Madness
Status Quo
Jet!!!!! x 2
Blue Van
The Checks
Maximo Park
Arctic Monkeys
Bloc Party
Calvin Harris
Klaxons
Killers
Albert Hammond Jnr
Arcade Fire
Pigeon Detectives
Bravery
Interpol
Kasabian
Kings of Leon
Fratellis
FOO FIGHTERS
Maximo Park
HIVES
SUBWAYS
GO-TEAM
Noah and The Whale
Broken Records

im going to see:

Reel Big Fish, Edinburgh