I seriously feel like I dont know who I am anymore. I've done alot of shit and made alot of mistakes in my life.

I wish I could change how I was in the past. Their are so many things that I would of done differently. I've done alot of drinking I think mostly last year than I ever did. I got to the point of where I would drink that I would black out and not remember shit.

I slept with a few people that I wish I didn't sleep with. I wish I wouldn't of been the person that I never wanted to become.

I wish I've never been with some of the people that I slept with. Anymore even when I look in the mirror I feel like I dont know who I am. I feel like I dont know myself anymore. I just feel like I'm a stranger to myself.

I'm not proud of my past and my mistakes. I really wish I would of done alot of things differently.

Lately I hate myself and who I am and what I've become.

I sent a text message to everyone in my phonebook for Thanksgiving. Well one of the text messages got mistakenly sent to Jeremy's slut Mallory Myers. So Jeremy emails me a shitty email, cause of Mallory. It pisses me off that he believes every word the slut says. Also Jeremy yet again blows his daughter off with an excuse like always. When I bet spent most of his time with Mallory.

I think I just realised that Jeremy is a shitty father, cause he always has to blow his daughter off for a slut that he always gets laid by, cause she's an easy lay.

I mean... Like what kind of person would tell a guy that I text messaged them knowing that it would start shit. It's like she knows if Jeremy gets pissed off that he wont come around his daughter or something when he's pissed. Is she so jealous of me and a little baby that she has to start shit? Is she so jealous that she thinks that starting shit between us will just make her and him be around eachother more?

I think she is jealous of me and my daughter, cause she knows it takes Jeremy away from her for a while. She's like so ugly and fat that I don't know what he sees in her other than she is an easy lay.

I just dont understand some people have to be immature and jealous of me and my baby that she has to start shit.

The thing is that she needs to realise is. Jeremy is going to be around me and my daughter for the rest of our lives. She better get use to it. If she can't then she really needs to grow up and get out of his life now, cause her starting shit wont get her anywhere.

Like if I want Jeremy back. I will have him back. She'll have to get use to it. Jeremy and I share a kid together and we can always get back together at anytime. She needs to realise that also.

So Mallory... If you think your childish bullshit will keep Jeremy away from me and our daughter that me and him share. Then you are wrong.

What I think is funny how someone says sorry to me for being an asshole to me. Then he thinks I'm going to like be ok with it? I dont think so. I gave him a second chance, but he fucked that up. He proved to me that he will always be the same. And I dont give anyone another chance. And other thing. He said he heard alot of shit about me from my ex friends so he assumed that what they said was true. Didn't even fucking ask me if it was true. I hate when people fucking assume shit that isn't true. They never ask me. They assume...

I also thought it was a little funny how he called me last night and talk to me like nothing ever happened. I did find alot of humor in that.

Oh yeah! If you read this or your sister does. I'm never going to forgive you so dont even try to talk to me like shit is normal between us. Cause like I told Tina. I dont want anything to do with any of you.