Brian Dooher is down injured, and while he is, I'll tell you a little story. I was in Times' Square in New York last week, and I was missing the Championship back home. So I approached a news stand and I said 'I suppose you wouldn't have the Kerryman would you?' To which, the Egyptian behind the counter turned to me and he said 'do you want the North Kerry edition or the South Kerry edition?' He had both....so I bought both. And Dooher is back on his feet....

Anthony Lynch the Cork corner-back will be the last person to let you down....his people are undertakers.

I saw a few Sligo people at Mass in Gardiner street this morning and the omens seem to be good for them, the priest was wearing the same colours as the Sligo jersey. Forty yards out on the Hogan stand side of the field Dublin's Ciaran Whelan goes on a rampage, its a goal! So much for religion.

Colin Corkery on the 45 lets go with the right boot. Its over the bar. This man shouldn't be playing football. He's made an almost Lazarus-like recovery from a heart condition. Lazarus was a great man but he couldn't kick points like Colin Corkery.

1-5 to 0-8....well from Lapland to the Antarctic, that's level scores in any man's language.

Pat Fox has it on his hurl and is motoring well now....but here comes Joe Rabbitte hot on his tail....I've seen it all now, a Rabbitte chasing a Fox around Croke Park!

I see John O Donnell dispensing water on the sideline. Tipperary, sponsored by a water company. Cork, sponsored by a tea company. I wonder will they meet later for afternoon tea.

Teddy looks at the ball....the ball looks at Teddy.

Danny 'The Yank' Culloty. He came down from the mountains and hasn't he done well.

He grabs the sliotar, he's on the 50....he's on the 40....he's on the 30..........he's on the ground.

In the first half they played with the wind. In the second half they played with the ball.

He kicks the ball lan san aer, could've been a goal, could've been a point.......it went wide.

Stephen Byrne with the puck out for Offaly....Stephen, one of 12....all but one are here to-day, the one that's missing is Mary, she's at home minding the house.....and the ball is dropping i lar na bpairce....

Pat Fox out to the forty and grabs the sliothar, I bought a dog from his father last week. Fox turns and sprints for goal, the dog ran a great race last Tuesday in Limerick. Fox to the 21, fires a shot, it goes to the left and wide......and the dog lost as well.

Sean Og O Hailpin....his father's from Fermanagh, his mother's from Fiji, neither a hurling stronghold.

Teddy McCarthy to John McCarthy, no relation, John McCarthy back to Teddy McCarthy, still no relation.

He pays the highest license, he pays the highest rent,
He battles daily with the bank and pays their ten percent,
When it comes to paying bills he must be Johnny on the spot,
And he pays for all the drink he sells whether you pay him or not.

Though he's scorned by representatives in every parliament,
To blame for every stinking sot who ever drank the rent,
They'll gladly belly to his bar to tipple and relax,
And line their bulging pockets with his heavy liquor tax.

There's the clergy in the pulpit, and the preachers in the hall
Who assure him that the churches are against him one and all
But every time they plan to hold a ballot or bazaar
They start by selling tickets to the man behind the bar

Now when you walk into his bar, he'll greet you with a smile
Be you worker dressed in overalls or a banker dressed in style,
If you're Irish, English, Scot, or Welsh, it doesn't matter what
He'll treat you like a gentleman until you prove you're not

While pulling stout may seem to be his only lot in life,
You'd never even know he had a daughter or a wife,
But lest you get too tipsy and your flirting gets too far,
You'd better have a running start on the man behind the bar

When he retires a job well done, to await six feet of soil,
Discards his coat and apron, no more on earth to toil,
When St. Peter sees him coming, he will hold the gates ajar
For he'll know who's been through Hell on Earth, it's the man behind the bar.

On Wayne Rooney...
"It's an incredible rise to stardom. At 17 you're more likely to get a call from Michael Jackson than Sven Goran Eriksson."

Reporter: Gordon, Do you think James Beattie deserves to be in the England squad?
Strachan: I don't care, I'm Scottish

Reporter: "Gordon, can we have a quick word please?"
Strachan: "Velocity" [walks off]

Reporter: Welcome to Southampton Football Club. Do you think you are the right man to turn things around?
Strachan: No. I was asked if I thought I was the right man for the job and I said, "No, I think they should have got George Graham because I'm useless."

Reporter: Is that your best start to a season?
Strachan: Well I've still got a job, so it's far better than the Coventry one, that's for sure.

Reporter: Are you getting where you want to be with this team?
Strachan: We're not doing bad. What do you expect us to be like? We were eighth in the league last year, in the cup final and we got into Europe. I don't know where you expect me to get to. Do you expect us to win the Champions League?

Reporter: Gordon, you must be delighted with that result?
Strachan: You're spot on! You can read me like a book.

Strachan: I've got more important things to think about. I've
got a yoghurt to finish by today, the expiry date is today. That can be my priority rather than Agustin Delgado.

Reporter: This might sound like a daft question, but you'll be happy to get your first win under your belt, won't you?
Strachan: You're right. It is a daft question. I'm not even going to bother answering that one. It is a daft question, you're spot on there.

Reporter: Bang, there goes your unbeaten run. Can you take it?
Strachan: No, I'm just going to crumble like a wreck. I'll go home, become an alcoholic and maybe! jump of a bridge. Umm, I think I can take it, yeah.

Reporter: There's no negative vibes or negative feelings here?
Strachan: Apart from yourself, we're all quite positive round here. I'm going to whack you over the head with a big stick, down negative man, down.

Reporter: where will Marion Pahars fit into the team line-up?
Strachan: Not telling you! It's a secret.

Reporter: You don't take losing lightly, do you Gordon?
Strachan: I don't take stupid comments lightly either.

Reporter: So, Gordon, in what areas do you think Middlesbrough were better than you today?
Strachan: What areas? Mainly that big green one out there....

Reporter: "What is your impression of Jermaine Pennant?"
Strachan: "I don't do impressions"

Reporter: Did you enjoy that Gordon?
Strachan: Aye, I did - so much so that I'm going home to watch it on ceefax (walks off)

The world looks a totally different place after two wins. I can even enjoy watching Blind Date or laugh at Noel's House Party.

Reporter: So Gordon, any changes then ?
Strachan: Naw, still 5ft 6, ginger hair, and a big nose!

Reporter: So, Gordon, any plans for Europe this year?
Strachan: Aye, me and the wife quite fancy Spain in August.

Gary Lineker: So Gordon, if you were English, what formation would you play?
Gordon Strachan: If I was English I'd top myself!