Haven't really wrote anything to my blog in a while. Well, I don't really want to force my thoughts and life on people because, lets face it, these sites are popularity contest sites to see how many friends you have, how many red sploges you get on your comments box. If someone asks me to keep them updated on events that are happening I do. I don't know, something just doesn't sit well with me about people knowing too much about my life or me knowing loads about there's, well, I am interested in other people, my friends, but people are just so free in giving so much info on there relationships, and jobs on their "About Me" bit. I think it maybe my fucked up, neurotic mind and a deep fear of people laughing at my failings in life that stops me from doing it.

Well, I think it's time I maybe kept my blog's updated with thoughts and stuff that is going on with me, just so that anyone who wants to know can. Instead of stealing quizzes from other person's blog's, doing them and then pasting them to my own. Although it is fun.

I hope you are all well.

What were you doing at midnight last night?
I was having a hand shandy!

What do people call you?
Gay, Arsehole, Bawbag, bastard! Cuntflaps is my favourite!

If you could change your eye colour, what would you change it to?
Green!

What is the wallpaper on your phone?:
Yer Maw!

What do you have handy at your bedside everynight?:
Lotion!

What was the last text message you sent?:
To boss: "I have decided that when we go out for our staff night out meal that I am going to get fucked oot ma eye"!

What do you want for Christmas?:
A new house!

Do any of your friends annoy you?:
Nope, not really! Although there is that cunt Martin Woodburn, I cant seem to get rid of him!

What colour is your mobile phone?:
Black, like Eddie Murphy!

When was the last time you cried ?:
Saturday evening when I saw how beautiful Allan Heron's Civic Type R was. Tears of pure joy, oh my!

What do you like from Subway?:
Meatballs..., I like balls!

What's the longest you've ever talked on the phone?:
About 3 hours, love those premium sex lines, oh mama!!!

Do you think you've gotten Handsomer since Secondary School?
Hell yeah! Still a good lookin lad I might add in my school daze!

Have you seen your best friend cry?:
Nope, we are real men! Ahem!

Who was the last person to leave you a voicemail?:
My workmate Derrick! His name looks a bit like Dick if you take the err away from it, as in Dickhead, Dickmuncher, Dick Van Dyke and Dick Jones (Robocop fans know who I'm talkin about), no! Just me then.

Have you ever peed outside before?:
Yes I have, I have also vomited and masturbated too, all at the same time!

Do you dance in the car?:
Is that possible??

What do you think of hunting and fishing?:
I love hunting cripples and fishing for wellies!

Do you and your best friend act alike?:
Nope!

What is a noise that you cannot stand?:
Children screaming at there parents, makes me want to kick them right in the face!

What's your favourite colour?
Black, yes I know it's not a colour!

Would you rather sleep at a friends or have them over at your house?
At a friends because my bed is fucked with all the action its seen over the years, I love using it as a trampoline..., oh you thought I meant..., you dirty bastards!

Do you watch MTV?:
Vh1, cos I am gettin old. I also am partial to a spot of The God Channel too!

Has something happened that you honestly thought you were gonna die?:
Yes, the night I went on the wheel of love in George Sq and thought it was going to fall over or something, the person who I was with (don't worry, you shall remain nameless) thought it would be funny to shake the carriage we were in. They laughed, I cried (no really, I did), they stopped. Extremely embarrassing and a touch scary. That was the night I found out how afraid of heights I actually am!.

What do you smell like right now?:
There is a faint smell of beef olives off me at the moment and yer maw! I actually smell of BVLGARI Pour Homme Extreme.

Do you have a hard time admitting you're wrong?
I am a man, I am never wrong!!!

What shoes did you wear today?
Clogs with no socks. I am now in my evening wear which consists of some nice white high heels!

What makes you lose your appetite?
Wee Finney showing me his chocolate starfish!

What colour is your laundry basket?:
The floor.

How do you like your steak?:
Medium to mooing!

Whose in your house right now?
Me! Tis cosey.

Where did you get your last bruise from?:
A guy trying to hit me but missed so he pinched my arm instead like a wee girl. That was when I was puttin someone out of my old pub for making a tit of himself.

Where did you last go to eat at?
Zucca's in East Kilbride.

Do you currently like somebody?
I like lots of people.

How tall are you barefoot?
6ft

Have you ever smoked heroin?
On A Regular Basis.

Do you own a gun?
A Uzi 9mm In The Plazma Range.

Rehab?
They Tried To Make Me Go And I said..., Er, Yes.

Do you get nervous before "meeting the parents"?
A Wee Bit, But Then I remember That They Shit Too, Just Like Me!

What do you think of your friends?
Yes.

What's your favorite Christmas song?
Jingle Bollocks.

What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Paint Stripper And Coke.

Do you do push-ups?
Yes, Cock Push Ups!

Are you vegie?
Nope, I Love Meat!

What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
My Big Cock! I Have A big Chicken Too But They Don't Get On!

Do you own a knife?
I Have A kitchen Drawer Full Of The Bastards!

Do you have A.D.D.?
Yes I Do, The Only reason I know Thi....., Oh Look At The Cute Puppy!

Date Of Birth?
20/06/81

Top 3 thoughts at this exact moment:
1.Where Did Those Skid Marks Come From?
2.Why Is All Body Fluff Blue Even When You Are Wearing White?
3.These Suspenders And Thong Are Quite Comfortable!

Name the last 3 things you have bought?
The Darkness
Aftershave
Suspenders And Thong!

Name five drinks you regularly drink:
Coke
J.D And Coke
Orange Juice
Council Juice
Cow Juice

What time did you wake up today?
12:30ish. What, I'm On Holiday!

Current hair?
Jobby Brown And Quite Boring Really.

Current worry?
Aids, Nuclear War And Those Weird Skid Marks I Found Earlier, Think There Are Traces Of Blood In Them!

Current hate?
Oh C'mon, Hate Is A Strong Word But If You Must, Neddy Wee Bastards!!!

Where would you like to go?
Home!

Do you own slippers?
Yes, I Also Own A Pipe And Smoking Jacket!

What do you think you'll be in 10 yrs?
International Pop Star!

Do you burn or tan?
Tan!

Would you be a pirate?
OH ARRRRR! Nope, I would Rather Be A Ninja!

Last time you had an alcoholic drink?
Sunday.

What songs do you sing in the shower?
Depeche Mode And My Personal Favourite, The Masturbation Song!!!

What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Gary Glitter!!!

Last thing that made you laugh?
Skid Marks!

Best bed sheets you had as a child?
Garfield, Ahhhh The Memory's. I Love Pussy!

How many TVs do you have in your house?
Three!

Who is your loudest friend?
Its A Tie Between Martin And John!

Who is your most silent friend?
Kevin!

Does someone have a crush on you?
Who Know's, I Am A Fine Lookin Man You Know!

Do you wish on stars?
Yes, Pornstars!

What is your favorite book?
The Day Of The Jackal.

What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now, By The Smiths.