A farmer in Devon has successfully grown a field of dildo's.
Unfortunately he's having trouble with squatters!!

New sex drug on the market. 50% Viagra+ 50% Prozac It's fantastic,
if u don't get a fu*k, u don't give a fu*k!"

I test drove one of those Skoda's this morning...
The brakes were a bit spongy but apparently they're a piece of cake
to fix!

Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping
partners.
Paddy says "that was great, I wonder how the girls got on?"

Irish family have been found dead outside the Dublin Odeon.
they had been queuing for three weeks to see 'closed for the winter'

The Pakistani cricket team have announced that Bob Woolmer is not
dead....
he's just in a korma!!

Man goes to the doc and says" I have a problem.After I masturbate I
start
to sing 'You,'ll never walk alone'."
The Doc says "don't worry, lots of wankers sing that."

2 prostitutes walking down the road... one says to the other, "I
sense it's going to be a good night tonight, I can smell cock in the air"
The other one replies, "Sorry, that's me - I just burped"!!

What comes after 69?
A bloody good mouthwash.

A husband and wife were sharing a bottle of wine when the husband
said, "I bet you can't tell me something which will make me happy and sad at
the same time."
The wife thought for a few moments, then said, "Your dick's bigger
than your brother's".

Nude woman stands in front of mirror and says to hubby " I look fat
and ugly, pay me a compliment".
Hubby says "Your eyesight's f**king spot on!"

Scientists have discovered that beer contains female hormones, to
prove this they gave 3 men 12 pints, suddenly they talked shite, gained
weight & couldn't drive!

A scientist has just invented a bra that stops tits bobbing up and
nipples poking out in the cold.
His work colleagues have kicked his f**king head in!!

Once we had Clinton, Johnny Cash and Bob Hope. Now we have Bush, no
Cash and no Hope.

A man wakes up one morning and goes downstairs to see his wife over
the cooker with a frying pan in her hand. When he gets closer he see's
one of his socks in the pan.
"What are you doing"? asks the man.
His wife replies, "Exactly what you asked me to do when you rolled in drunk last
night"
How strange thought the man, I don't remember asking her to cook my
sock.

Doctors have found a cure for gay men....................... Lipsol
They rub it around their asseholes and it keeps the chaps away

I carried a duck into the front room and said "this is the fat pig
I've been f**king."
The wife says. "That's not a pig its a duck."
"I was talking to the duck"

Mr & Mrs Blobby are in bed, Mrs Blobby says "blib blob bobble blub
bibbly bob blubby blib"
Mr Blobby says "Just f**king swallow it"

I've just been sacked from Asda, I had a cushy job in the wine's and
spirits department, an asylum seeker came up to me and asked if I
knew a good port so I told him DOVER now fcuk off !!!!

Don't panic but I am in hospital. I poisoned myself. Ate what I
thought was an onion but it was a daffodil bulb.
Doctor says I will be out in the Spring.

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but
you look hard!

and finally

A boy says to his mum
I've got the biggest cock in the nursery,is it because I'm black?
no" she replies,"its because your 25 and a fooking retard now eat
your
spaghetti and don't spill any on your Glasgow Rangers top

EEKKK 1st driving lesson this Thursday!!! so keep the roads clear coz they ain't safe

eeek xxx

yey i have the Keys to my new place wooo!! gonna be moving my furniture in soon then i will shortly follow afterwards ooooo Keri existed!!!!