This is an actual letter from an Austin woman sent to American company Proctor and Gamble regarding their feminine products. She really gets rolling after the first paragraph... PC Magazine's 2007 editors' choice for best web mail-award-winning letter....



Dear Mr. Thatcher,



I have been a loyal user of your 'Always' maxi pads for over 20 years and I appreciate many of their features. Why, without the Leak Guard Core or Dry-Weave absorbency, I'd probably never go horseback riding or salsa dancing, and I'd certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts. But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can't tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there's a little F-16 in my pants.



Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from the curse'? I'm guessing you haven't. Well, my time of the month is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I'll be transformed into what my husband likes to call 'an inbred hillbilly with knife skills. Isn't the human body amazing?



As Brand Manager in the Feminine-Hygiene Division, you've no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers monthly visits from 'Aunt Flo'. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying jags, and out-of-control behavior.



You surely realize it's a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend's testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey's Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that America is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in Capri pants..



Which brings me to the reason for my letter. Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi-pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: 'Have a Happy Period.'



Are you fu*ing kidding me? What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness - actual smiling, laughing happiness is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit pleasurable? Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you're some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything 'happy' about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Motrin and Kahlua and lock yourself in your house just so you don't march down to the local Walgreen's armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory. For the love of God, pull your head out, man! If you just have to Slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn't it make more sense to say something that's actually pertinent, like 'Put down the Hammer' or 'Vehicular Manslaughter is Wrong', or are you just picking on us?

Sir, please inform your Accounting Department that, effective immediately, there will be an $8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your Flex-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending bull sh*t. And that's a promise I will keep.

Always.

Best,

Wendi Aarons

Austin , TX

About Abby, Oh what can I say?
She makes me feel warm like on a summers day.
She's as sound as a pound,
As straight as a line (cough)
She drinks quite alot, but never the wine.
For example, one night on the vodka she was,
I think she was drunk,
She must have been 'cause,
She wanted to do something,
Thought it quite queer,
She wanted to lick a young gentlemans ear!
She's as chubby as a baby,
As small as a coot,
Dispite all of this,
I think that she's cute.
With her purplish glasses,
And big blow-job lips,
She's hilarious with her quick witted quips.
I found this out recently,
And God only knows,
Why she has an unusual fetish for toes!
In conclusion to this,
I hope she will see,
She should never change,
She should always be Abby.

120 things you might not know about me as of 15/09/08
(1) Your gender: WO-man
(2) Straight/gay/bi?: Who knows at this stage
(3) Single?: Yes
(4) Want to be?: A baby catcher
(5) Your birth day: 09/07/89
(6) Age you wish you were: I wantd 2 be 18 forever :,(
(7) Your height: 5feet small on a good day
(9) The color of your eyes: Green
(10) The color of your hair: Dark brown
(11) Piercings?: 5 holes in my ears
(12) Tattoos? Nahhhh
D O Y O U . . .
(13) Smoke? No
(14) Do drugs? On occasion
(15) Read the newspaper?: Yes
(16) Pray?: At night-time
(17) Talk to strangers?: When drunk
(1 Take walks in the rain?: Yea..I love it!!
(19) Drive?: One time-Very badly..
(20) Like to drive fast?: Well I didnt know how 2 stop...
H A V E Y O U E V E R . .
(21) Hurt yourself?: Constantly catching my baby toe on stuff
(22) Been out of the country?: Yes
(23) Been in love?: Yes
(24) Done drugs? Yes..Not hardcore drugs tho-They're for pussys
(25) Gone skinny dipping?: No
(26) Had a surgery?: Never
(27) Ran away from home? Was gonna when my mam threatened to give Frisk away..Me and Frisk-The off-road adventure.Imagine the sex drugs and crime..And thats just Frisk
(2 Played strip poker?: Oddly no...
(29) Gotten beaten up?: No
(30) Been picked on?: Yea..All the time
(31) Been on stage?: Yea loads
(32) Slept outdoors? Oxegen *shudders*
(33) Had a best friend? Yes
(34) Pulled an all-nighter?: A cupla times
(35) If yes, what is your record?: Probly 26hrs..Nothin amazing
(36) Talked on the phone all night?:Not all night
(37) Slept together with the opposite sex without actually having sex?: Yes
(3 Slept all day? One time
(39) Killed someone?: No..Why would I admit that
(40) Made out with a stranger?: Yes
(41) Had sex with a stranger?: Maybe
(42) Kissed the same sex?: Yes
(43) Done anything sexual with the same sex?: Eh...Not to my recollection
(44) Been betrayed?: Yes
(47) Been on radio/TV.? Radio yes
(4 Been in a mosh-pit?: YEOW!
(49) Had a nervous breakdown?: One or 2 times possibly
(50) Been criticized about your sexual performance?: No
(51) Had a dream that kept coming back?: Yes a creepy one about my dead grandad..My mam got me blessed by the priest(She was also creeped out)
(52) Shoe brand?: Vans
(53) What are you normally wearing to school/work?: Highly attractive black uniform
(54) Wear hats?: Noooooo...Not for my shaped head
(55) Judge other people by their clothing?: Yes..Probably..Dickheads mainly-Baha
(56) Wear make-up?: Yes
(57) Favorite place to shop?: PENNEYS!!
(5 Favorite article of clothing?: Checked vest top..I wear it under EVERYTHING!
(59) Are you trendy?: Not in the slightest
B E L I E F S
(60) Believe in life on other planets?: Yes and it creeps me out man!
(61) Miracles?: Maybe
(62) Astrology?: Only Sarah Delamere Harding..Shes a good 'un
(63) Magic?: Eh....
(64) God?: Yes
(65) Satan?: Yes
(66) Santa?: Of corse
(67) Ghosts?: Yes o.O
(6 Luck?: Yes
(69) Love at first sight?: No
(70) Yin and Yang?: Kinda
(71) Witches?: Yes
(72) Easter bunny?: No
(73) Believe it's possible to remain faithful forever?: One can try..>.<
(74) Believe there's a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow? No..Iv looked Godammit
L O V E , a n d a l l t h a t
(76) Did you get frightened or uncomfortable seeing that as a section title?: No
(77) Do you remember your first love?:Yes
(7 Still love him/her?: Yes a part of me always will^.^
(79) Do you consider love a mistake?: No..sometimes it can hurt tho
(80) What do you find romantic?: Some1 doin something just 2 see u smile..Like writin you a letter..or drawing you something..Something personal.Also just looking at some1 in the dark is intensely romantic
(81) Turn-on?: Licking my lips...*shiver*
(82) Turn-off?: Whats that??Bahaha
(83) Do you base your judgement on looks alone? No
(84) Have you ever wished it was more "socially acceptable" for a girl to ask a guy out?: Ya can do it if u want 2
(85) Have you ever been