The who's who guide to county living ! ! ! ! 1 day ago

Carlow = Mad for sugar beet, can’t get enough of it. Hobbies: Growing sugar beet.

Cavan = filthy, ignorant hillbillies, tight. Hobbies: discovering IRA ammo dumps and knitting black balaclavas.


Clare = fiddle-playing charming people and, more recently, fine footballers. Hobbies: Falling into pot-holes and being never heard from ever again, setting up golf courses in their back lawns.

Cork = the loveable rogues of Ireland. Here for everyone else’s entertainment. Hobbies: Milking cows, being European capital of culture but not knowing what exactly that means or how they got it boy?

Donegal = away in their own world up there, not much known about this eccentric type. Hobbies: Stripping the Irish coast of fishies, running back up to their corner of the island and blaming the spanish….aye twas the spanish!!

Dublin North = criminals, drug dealers and factory workers, dirty women, skinheads and all-round examples of human waste. Hobbies: Heroin and watching serial numbers being filed off stolen BMW's, joy-riding anything from a lexus to a washing machine.

Dublin South = west Brits, snobs, rich, easy glamorous women. Hobbies: talking shite and sleeping with their best friend's spouse or mother.

Galway = sophisticated culchies, sexually adventurous, cultured and wealthy. Hobbies: Teaching sex acrobatics to foreign tourists, dropping acid, juggling with fire on the streets, paying a million pounds for a three bedroom suburban house and pretending it was a bargain.

Kerry = God’s kingdom on earth, no doubt about it. Some of the best land in Ireland but they don’t tell anyone this. Hobbies: Football, swimming with dolphins, football, seeing how many foreigners they can score each year, football, hosting a massive festival every week, football, going to the south pole and football.

Kildare = is anyone really from Kildare or are they all just from Dublin? Hobbies: Denying they have anything to do with Dublin. Spending best part of 4 hours each day travelling to and from Dublin. Using Daz for whiter than white jerseys on a summer’s day.

Kilkenny = red haired alcoholics who refuse to believe not all land in Ireland is capable of growing barley and wheat “not a bother”. Hobbies = driving massive combines, hosting comedy festivals and having red-haired babies.

Laois = harmless aul bunch of lads, hope to have the whole county by-passed at some stage by 2025 so they can get on with their own business. Hobbies: Living an honest life, collecting EU development grants, getting the piss taken out of them for being the queen’s county…haha ye plantation bastards!

Leitrim = enigmatic reclusive weirdos. Hobbies: learning about traffic lights and roundabouts in school (night school for adults that is)

Limerick = grand place, great sports people, city has bad reputation through no fault of its own. Hobbies: stabbing people, gang-land murders, drug hauls, graffiti spraying, joy-riding….

Longford = Gombeen men. Hobbies: Legalising bestiality.

Louth = IRA supporters, smugglers and bandits. Hobbies: Tearing through Cooley at 125MPH trying to stop the boxes of cheap vodka from falling out the window.

Mayo = Depressing, defeatist, negative, misery-laden losers, emigrate as soon as the umbilical cord is cut. Hobbies: roaring about how great they are, whinging about why nobody likes them.

Meath = either Dublin wannabes or mad country bucks. Hobbies: Beating Dublin at GAA and hoping that one day somebody in Dublin will actually notice, driving massive john deere’s cos they’re big, green and yellow too.

Offaly = Bog. Hobbies = exploiting bogs and later making them into tourist attractions…hats off!

Roscommon = flat county, a silage pit is a mountain. Hobbies: Sheep-stealing.

Sligo = either in their 20s and a surfer or in their 80s and a granny, no in-betweens. Hobbies: Surfing and knitting wet-suits for their grand c

Limerick slang.....

Please come here, - C'mere I want ya.

Excuse me have you got some change ! - Oi got 2 bob hive ya !

My runners smell, - Naful smill auf me tackies,

Sorry I didn't quite catch that, - Oi wat ar u sayin.

I was slightly drunk, - I was langers last nite.

How are you ! - How's it goin sham !

You silly person - Ya goul ya

You really are a silly person - Ya goul bag.

I'm afraid that I can't go for that, - I will en me ring

Let's go out and get drunk - will we go on the batter?


May I have a bag of chips with garlic dressing - can I have a garlic chip
and cheese

You unlawful person - fuckin' scobe

There was quite a lot of people - there was a rake of people

He is a homosexual - he's a steamer

Running up the street - burning up the road

Will you make love to me - gifs the ride

Do you understand me - nowah mean man

I will fight you - i'll claim ya

Theres a swimming pool in the house - poolnalnit

Please leave now - goway ou avit

Run away now - do a legger man

Have you got a cigarette - giz a fag boss

Be quiet - whishtt

Can you ride a horse - canya jock a horse

Hello, I met you before in a pub but I can't remember your name - How we
doin Bud.....

Sorry, I didn't quite catch that - whatru sayin.....

How are you doing - Well, ow we gettin on

You are a silly person - u lala

You really are a silly person - your some lala

Jennifer, would you come here please - Jen-Fer cmere i wan cha

Lets drive up and down O'Connell Street in our Johnny Go Fast cars at 3.30am
with the £1 petrol we have in the car - mon, we go cruisin'.

If you continue to talk to me in that tone of voice I will hit you - cape it
up now and I'll bust you.

I can't think of anything to slag you about, but your last comment was very
funny and everyone is now laughing at me - yah, like ur muther!!