You might be in the hotel industry if..........


When someone asks you your exact job profile, you lie.............
You get really excited about a 2% pay increase ............
It's dark on your drive to and from work ...........
Communication is something your 'group' is having problems with...........
You see a good-looking person and you know it's a visitor/guest ...........
Food left over from a banquet or meeting is your main staple diet...........
You forget what you look like in anything but a uniform ............
All of your work gets done before 9 and after 5 ..........
You're already late on the project you just received ..........
50% of the people in your company don't know what you do............
The other 50% of the people in your company don't give a shit ..........
Holidays is something you roll over to next year, if you are allowed..........
Change is the norm ...........
Nepotism is encouraged ............
Six months is considered to be substantial longevity...........
You dial 9 before the number no matter where you are calling from...........
When you are in public, you have to fight the urge to pick up scraps of paper and rubbish off the floor.............
You smile and say 'Good Morning' to total strangers in the
street...........
Your toilet paper at home is folded in a triangle on the first sheet............
You answer the phone at home "Hello .........How may I help you?" ..............
You eat in Hotel Restaurants for fun ....................
You inspect your hotel room when travelling ....................
You notice that you are drinking excessive amounts of alcohol every day ............
You never buy shoes unless they are plastic ..............
You smoke one hundred and sixty cigarettes a day .....................
You start to go bald at an early age .....................
You only have 9 fingers ...............
You shake everybodys hand in the world............
You start to say "in that regard" ..............
You carry a tea towel everywhere you go and you are never late?
You recommend 'Duck spring rolls platter' to your guests ..........
You seem to dart to the nearest airport for a full irish at precisely 10:31 and 14 seconds every day ..........
Fuck off becomes part of your everyday language..........
Your talk through your arse about wine.....it's alcohol just drink the fuckin thing........
You suddenly realise that you are a servant to the people ...........
You let women have babies in front of you .............
You become a thief very quickly ...........
You acquire an interest in TQM and then turn into a hippo.........
You have uncontrolled orgasms (if you are working in accommodation services)........

Most of all, You read this entire list and understand it.....

Cross the border,
Into the big bad world
where it takes you 'bout an hour
just to cross the road
just to stumble across another poor old soul from
The dreary old lanes to the high-street madness
Eye fight with my brain to believe my eyes
and it's harder than you think
to believe this sadness
that creeps up my spine
and haunts me through the night
and life is good and the girls are gorgeuos
suddenly the air smells much greener now
and I'm wondering 'round
with a half pack of cigarettes
searching for the change that I've lost somehow

These streets have too many names for me
I'm used to Glenfield road and spending my time down in quay
I'll get used to this eventually
I know, I know

where'd the days go? When all we did was play
And the stress that we were under wasn't stress at all
just a run and a jump into a harmless fall from
walking by a high-rise to a landmark square
you see millions of people with millions of cares
And I struggle to the train to make my way home
I look at the people as they sit there alone

Life is good, and the sun is shining
Everybody flirts to their ideal place
And the children all smile as a boat shuffled by them
Trying to pretend that they've got som space

These streets have too many names for me
I'm used to Glenfield road and spending my time down in quay
I'll get used to this eventually
I know, I know

These streets have too many names for me
I'm used to Glenfield road and spending my time down in quay
I'll get used to this eventually
I know, I know

Life is good, and the girls are gorgeous
suddenly the air smells much greener now
and I'm wondering 'round
with a half pack of cigarettes
searching for the change that I've lost somehow

These streets have too many names for me
I'm used to Glenfield road and spending my time down in quay
I'll get used to this eventually
I know, I know

feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.
- Frank Sinatra

I drink so I can talk to assholes. This includes me.
-Jim Morrison

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
- Some guy's wife

The problem with some people is that when they aren't drunk, they're sober.
- William Butler Yeats

Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut.
- Ernest Hemingway

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
- Anonymous

A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
- W.C. Fields

What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?
- Tee Mans

When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
-Henny Youngman

Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
- Michelle Mastrolacasa

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me, than a frontal lobotomy.
- Tom Waits

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case. Coincidence?
- Stephen Wright

When we drink, we get drunk. When we get drunk, we fall asleep. When we fall asleep, we commit no sin. When we commit no sin, we go to heaven. Sooooo, let's all get drunk and go to heaven!
- Brian O'Rourke

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.
- Frank Zappa

Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
- Winston Churchill

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
- Benjamin Franklin

Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza.
- Dave Barry

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.
- Humphrey Bogart

Why is American beer served cold? So you can distinguish it from urine.
- David Moulton

Give me a woman who loves beer and I will conquer the world.
- Kaiser Wilhelm

Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.
- Dave Barry

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer.
- Homer Simpson

You know you're drunk when you fall off the floor.
- unknown

And God said, "Let there be vodka!" And He saw that it was good. Then God said, "Let there be light!" And then He said, "Whoa - too much light."
- umm.....this is from the bible or something.

You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on.
- Dean Martin

Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862!
- Sign in a bar

To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support Group.
-A Beer Coolie

He was a wise man who invented beer.
- Plato (maybe)

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.
- Ernest Hemingway

No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness ... or as good as drink.
- G.K. Chesterton

Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
- Ambrose Bierce

If God had intended us to drink beer, He would have given us stomachs.
- David Daye

Work is the curse of the drinking classes.
- Oscar Wilde

I drink to make other people interesting.
- George Jean Nathan