THE FOLLOWING IS A LIST OF OBSERVATIONS BY JOSHUA MACRAE THOMPSON AND RYAN MATTHEW SWINTON. (Right now Joshua is laughing at the amount of times I missed spelt his name (6times) and the fact my middle name is Matthew)

Are gingers the new blonde. Some say their numbers are increasing, quote: "their are seven in my class".

Message for Stephen Hawking. The theory of everything doesn't exist dick head.....do something else, I suggest pottery.

Who would win a fight between a bourbon biscuit and a custard cream?

Answer= the bourbon for three fundamentally sound reasons
1. It's taller and so has a longer reach.
2. it’s thinner and so faster.
3. The custard cream has a girly design and so is clearly a ponce.

Suicide bomber.

Alien Hand Syndrome is funny. Type in "crazy dog" in www.youtube.com
Also while here type in "Karl pilkington"

Puppet sex....see team America.

Why do fat people say they don't hardly eat anything? I mean they clearly do. They are fat precisely because they eat everything.

The school calendar made by the SVS massive (no offence)

People who write no offence when they clearly mean to offend. If they didn't mean to offend this would completely negate stating they mean "No offence".

Newton suggested that two forces...or something like that..eh i da ken.

Who would win in a fight between terminator or Robocop?
Answer= Robocop because he is so hard he's soft because he eats baby food. Terminator is 100% machine so by definition can’t eat. Therefore Robocop is harder.

Things that happen allot but never fail to amuse:

1. When people trip but don't fall over, they jus kind of stubble forward, then pretend wat jus happened didn’t.

2. When minks quibble over what they can afford in MCDONALDS!!!!

3. When an ugly bloke walks out a club an complains because it's full of ugly people.

4. When animals fall off things, or smash their head into things.

5. When a puzzled bird that’s broke its wing is jus walking about, thinkin "wat the fuk i'm i gona do now". Nae fly ats wat!! ha ha

6. Thinkin back to wen one a my mates shit himself in class p4. Quality.

7. When something really serious is going on. An the room your in has an eerie formal silence. An for no reason whatsoever you start laughing. Then u laughs because you’re laughing at nothing:

Casing point. I was ounce in a bus on a basketball trip going to paisley when the driver fell asleep an smashed into a row of parked cars. The whole bus was quiet.....bar me an my mate ben who stated laughing uncontrollably. Is that wrong? I think it is too but fuk it was funny.

Jus snoozin at the wheel of a bus.

Things that annoy

1. Having gd dream an sum wank wakes u up. Then u try an dream it again but cant.

2. When u open a pack a polo’s an they’re all crushed. Or Pringles.

3. When someone asks "Just what do you think your doing?" When clearly you know wat ur doing and so do they...so why ask?

4. Matt Damon

5. Rubber chickens.....but they're still funny

6. Lego.

7. Mecano that u never build.

8. "He argues that it suggests a future universal resurrection of dead very similar to the one predicted in the judeo-christian tradition, for the omega point has the"

9. cheese

10. "This call could be recorded from training purposes" What the fuk could someone learn in listening to me putting a fiver on my just talk account.

11. When your mate thinks they're bird is stunning but they're a bute. An u causally agrees that they are good looking. But then when they split tell them she was a bute anyway.


Really round things

1. Balls

Curious questions

1. Whats the difference between a PC and a computer.

2. Why is a tomato a fruit? According to Ask Oxford:

The confusion about 'fruit' and 'vegetable' arises because of the differences in usage between scientists and cooks. Scientifically speaking, a tomato is definitely a fruit. True fruits are

People who point at their wrist while asking for the time....I know
where my watch is pal, where the f*ck is yours? Do I point at my crotch
when I ask where the toilet is?

People who are willing to get off their arse to search the entire
room for the TV remote because they refuse to walk to the TV and change
the channel manually.


When people say "it's always the last place you look". Of course it
is. Why the f*ck would you keep looking after you've found it? Do people
do this? Who and where are they?

When people say while watching a film "did you see that?". No
tosser, I paid 10 quid to come to the cinema and stare at the f*cking
floor.

People who ask "Can I ask you a question?. Didn't really give me a
choice there, did you sunshine?

When something is 'new and improved!'. Which is it? If it's new,
then there has never been anything before it. If it's an improvement,
then there must have been something before it.

When people say "life is short". What the f*ck?? Life is the
longest damn thing anyone ever f*cking does!! What can you do that's
longer?

When you are waiting for the bus and someone asks, "Has the bus come
yet?. If the bus came would I be standing here, Knob head?

People who say things like 'My eyes aren't what they used to be'. So
what did they used to be? ears, Wellington boots?

When you're eating something and someone asks 'Is that nice?' No
it's really revolting - I always eat stuff I hate.

People who announce they are going to the toilet. Thanks that's an
image I really didn't need.

McDonalds staff who pretend they don't understand you if you don't
insert the 'Mc' before the item you are ordering..... It has to be a
McChicken Burger, just a Chicken Burger gets blank looks. Well I'll have
a McStraw and jam it in your McEyes you f*cking McTosser.