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alcohol quotes
1)Everybody should believe in something -- I believe I'll have another drink.
2)Eat, drink, and be merry, for tomorrow they may cancel your VISA.
3)I don't have a drinking problem. I drink. I get drunk. I fall down, no problem.
4)He who laughs last, hasn't passed out yet.
5)Reality is an illusion that occurs due to lack of alcohol.
6)Remember "I" before "E", except in Budweiser.
7)To some its a six-pack, to me it's a support group.
Scotch - Because one doesn't solve the world's problems over white wine.
9)Beauty lies in the hands of the beer holder
10)As long as people are still having premarital sex with many anonymous partners while at the same time experimenting with mind-expanding drugs in a consequence-free environment, I'll be sound as a pound!
11)I feel sorry for people who don't drink, because when they wake up, that's best they feel all day
12)Actually, it only takes one drink to get me loaded. Trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or fourteenth.
13)Life is a waste of time, time is a waste of life, so get wasted all of the time and have the time of your life.
14)Always remember that I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
15)Drinking provides a beautiful excuse to pursue the one activity that truly gives me pleasure, hooking up with fat, hairy girls.




the beer prayer
Our lager
Which art in barrels
Hallowed be thy drink
Thy will be drunk, (I will be drunk)
At home as it is in the tavern
Give us this day our foamy head
And forgive us our spillage
As we forgive those who spill against us
And lead us not into incarceration
But deliver us from hangovers
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager
Barmen





sex in da dark
There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting
off the light. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.
She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. She looked down... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated leisure device... a vibrator! Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bastard," She screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!"
The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy . . . you explain the kids."
Send this to 5 people or else you'll have a bad sex life FOREVER!