people seem to really want to read my summer exam essay for english...
I was told that i was OFFENCIVE, DISCUSTING, RASIST and SEXIST... read it and see for yourself... comment if yu wish...

"RELATIONSHIPS"

Look at that title for a moment and wonder. where it came from. who came up with that conept in the first place? And most of all, who decided to make it so difficult? After all, the cave men didn't hae to go through dating, stupid little get-togethers, meeting the parents... Its all too.. how should i put it?...AMERICAN! Oh es i took a swing at the Yanks!

In the begining you got to know are they interested, so you send your friend Tim over to ask for you. Now if the first stage is a success you have to do something you never thought of in your daydreams for sweeping this girl off her feet and driving off into the sunset.... (by the way, make sure you know them if yuwant to do that, aparently thats called kidnapp!) you are expectedto actuly talk to her. Make a conversation, buy her a drink... And for your information 'talking' doesnt mean saying a stupid pick-up line such as
'Are you a parking icket? 'cos you got FINE written all over you' Or
'How bout you sit on my lap and we talk bout the first the first thing that pops up?'
They dont work... trust me...

OK, the first date went well and eventualy you have to meet the parents. Now thw idea is not to seem like your main goal is to get in her pants. Act respectable, act like you want to make their daughter the happiest girl in the world (not in the dirty way)... Act as if you have never gone to a rock festivel, gotten so drunk you wake up the next morning naked and surrounded my five underage philipino women... and a man.......
and please note: Do Not wear a shirt saying "millions of my potental children died on your daughters face last night" They wont get the joke, no mater how healarious, people seem to have different kinds of humour... guess mine!!

Fast forward 18months. you two have moved in together and things couldn't be going better.... but then all the little things that used t be cute are now stupid and annoy the shit out of you! All you want to do is slap that "BE-HATCH" in her snob little face... s you brek up like a bastard....

you say things like...

"Oh dont worry, we're gonna look back on this and laugh... wel maybe you wont but i will! In ten years ill look back and laugh! in fact ilbe laughing later on tonite!"

"look, its not you.. its me... IM the one who thinks your not good looking enough"

"Your one of the ugliest women iv ever slept with, just think what that says for your personality! I admire that!

"HOw bout some math? your body is easily a 9/10, your face... well honest its a 3/10... but thats an average of 6/10! thats pass! you passed with honours.... ok you barely made it... but your in! in the university.. of... looks...?"

"Oh and you keep the baby... i mean what am i gonna do with a 10month old child? im tryin to atract women here, not scare them away!!

(IF YU KNOW THE MOVIE PLEASE LEAVE A QUOTE AND ILL ADD IT)

pulp/'p*lp/ n, 1. A soft, moist, shapeless mass of matter
2. A magazine or book containing lurid subject matter and being characterisically printed on rough unfinished paper


Anyone who apreciates this classic movie will know this classic scene with Samuel Jackson and the young man he is about to kill....

Jules: do yu read the bible, Bret?

Bret: yes!....

Jules: well theres this passage i got memorized, sort of fits this occasion...

Ezikiel 25:17. the path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men.
Blessed is he who in the name of charity and goodwill shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truely his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children... and i will strike down upon thee with geat vengeance and furious anger, those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers!! AND YOU WILL KNOW MY NAME IS THE LORD WHEN I STRIKE MY VENGENCE UPON THEE...

(BANG BANG BANG)


"Where did you get this bike?"
"From a guy called Zed"
"well where is he??"
Zed's dead, baby, Zed's dead"

1. Do you like anyone?: i do yes
2. Do they know it? they darn well better
3. Simple or complicated? simple

IN - T H E - L A S T - M O N T H - H A V E - Y O U

4. Had sex: hehe... um.... hehe
5. Bought something: them things in the pharmacy... paracetemol
6. Gotten sick?: nope im healthy
7. Been hugged?: yeh lots of times
8. Felt stupid?: i do rite now
9. Talked to an ex: no... we not speakin no more
10. Missed someone: so much
11. Failed a test: most likely
13. Danced: a striptease lol
14. Gotten your hair cut?: no
15. Lied?: nope... haha that was a lie

U N I Q U E

16. Nervous habits?:leg always tapping
17. Are you double jointed? :very much NO
18. Can you roll your tongue?: haha I can
19. Can you raise one eyebrow?: yes i can!
20. Can you cross your eyes?: yup i can!
21. Do you make your bed daily?: i attempt to...
22. Do you think you are unique?: im ginger! rare and endangered

H A V E - Y O U - E V E R'S

23. Said "I Love you": yer i hav
24. Given money to a homeless person: hells no
25. Smoked?: never
26. Waited all night for a phone call?: no i do sleep
27. Snuck out?: where am i to go?
28. Sat and looked at the stars?: no i yelled at them

M A N N E R S

29. Do you swear/curse?: i sure fuckin do!
30. Do you ever spit?: at times
31. You cook your own food?: microwave
32. You do your own chores?: haha no! gemma was not impressed
33. You like beef jerky?: i dnt kno wat that is
35. You're happy with your life?: im very happy
36. You own a dog?: nope... hes pushin up daisies
37. You spend your money wisely?: i got no money to spend lol
38. Do you like to swim?: yup =]
39. When you get bored do you call a friend: yup that or txt!


D O - Y O U - P R E F E R'S

41. Flowers or angels?: id rather sex tbh
42. Gray or black?: black
43. Color or black and white photos?: colour!
44. Lust or love?: lusty love
45. Sunrise or sunset?: sunset
46. M&Ms or Skittles?: skittles!!
48. Staying up late or waking up early?: stay up late! im not a mornin person!
49. Being hot or cold?: cold
50. Winter or Fall?: neither
51. Left or right?: right
52. Having 10 acquaintances or 2 best friends?: two best friends
53. Sunshine or rain?: i dnt mind either

more have you evers;;

Sleep in a bed of the opposite sex?: plenty of times
Hooked up in the woods?: eeewww.... weird
Drank a bottle of alcohol by yourself?: nope
Hooked up in the shower?: no... but darn it iv tried
Stolen money from a friend?: yeah
Slept naked?: every nite!!
Snuck out of your house?: yes
Had a crush on a teacher? haha mhm
Seen someone die?: mhm
Been on an airplane? once...
Slept all day?: hahha yeh
Missed someone so much it hurt?: yup
Fallen asleep during school? hasnt everyone??
Cheated in a game?: haha yes
Been to the ER?: mhm i have
Been in a car accident?: yeah... haha fun!
Had detention?: no never!
Missed your first love?: nope....
Cried yourself to sleep?: once or twice
Sung in the shower?: every time!!!
Kissed a complete stranger?: no i dnt do that
Laughed so hard you cried?: hahah yeh
Been SUPER happy?: hahah yup =]