Let me set the scene, it's the first of December and you're walking down Oliver Plunkett St at about 10.15pm. You're thinking about what you're going to do for the rest of this Monday night and you're slightly sickened by the Christmas lights and decorations that have gone up so early this year. As you walk past the Old Oak your hear the comforting sound of acoustic guitars and harmonized voices playing some kick ass 80s tunes. You think to yourself "It's pretty warm and dry in there and that sounds like some good music".

What are ya waiting for come on in sit down and maybe have a drink while we help ya relax.

Listen to Slippery When Wet sensibly
Sponsered by Diageo

I've got a gig in Sober Lane on the 18th of June and I'm going to be playing some killer tunes from the 80s mostly...obviously. Hopefully if you're reading this then you might have thought "hmmm conor i like him, i also like 80s music and songs that i know the words to, as well as that i also enjoy consuming alcohol so this would almost definitely be the perfect midweek excursion to the pub". You'd be right its perfect and it just gets better coz it doesn't even cost anything to get in! Amazing, i just keep giving and giving.

See you there
Keep it 80s
Conor

Vince Noir: [Vince and Howard are driving in a van. Vince holds up a cassette tape] This is the best of the sixties.
Vince Noir: [holds up another cassette] And this is the best of the seventies.
Vince Noir: [lifts a huge stack of cassettes] And this is Gary Numan.
Howard Moon: Eh, no. No way. I'm not having that. Absolutely not, I'm drawing a line on that. That's it.
Vince Noir: What? Why?
Howard Moon: I'm driving, it's my music we're having.
Vince Noir: Not Jazz!
Howard Moon: [lifts cassette] No. This my friend is Jazz Funk.
Vince Noir: Oh. The double? That's even worse!
Howard Moon: The mixture. The cerebral musicality of Jazz mixed with the visceral groove of funk.
Vince Noir: Funk?
Howard Moon: Imagine that.
Vince Noir: Funk?
Howard Moon: What a combo.
Vince Noir: Jazz' deformed cousin!

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Bar lady: I like your dress...
Rudy: This is not a dress. This is a sacred robe of the ancient psychedelic monks.
Bar lady: Why don't you stay awhile?
[flashes to him]
Rudy: Put away those fiery biscuits...

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Vince Noir: C'mon, Bollo, get your monkey anus at the steering wheel.
Bollo: Bollo no drive.
Vince Noir: You're joking. Why not?
Bollo: Bollo lose license.
Naboo: When did that happen?
Bollo: Long time ago. It was Chiko. As teenager we would drive about town together. My father warn us. No drive too fast for there are speed camera on A49 but Chiko crazy. He dangerous. He always say "Please, Bollo. Please let us go faster."
Vince Noir: Yeah, yeah so you chopped his head off right?
Bollo: No, I chopped his feet off. Stopped him pressing accelerator.

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Howard Moon: I'm an explorer.
Vince Noir: I thought you were a writer?
Howard Moon: I do many things. I span the genres - they call me the genre spanner.
Vince Noir: Yeah, they call you the spanner...

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[Howard and Vince have a meeting with a record executive]
Vince Noir: You better start getting the magic potions out, Mowgli, or we're gonna hurt you.
Naboo: All right, hang on.
[he hands them each a glass of yellow liquid]
Naboo: This is Liquid Music.
Howard Moon: What's in it?
Naboo: The tears of Mozart...
[they both drink it down]
Naboo: ...mixed with the urine of Mark Knopfler.
[Howard and Vince make a face]
Howard Moon: How long does it last?
Naboo: Three hours. Quick, you better hurry!
[they leave fast]
Bollo: Truly, Master, you are a wise man. Do you think they will succeed?
Naboo: Don't think so - that was Lucozade.

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Howard Moon: I don't accessorize. I'm Howard Moon. There's a simple truth to me.

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Howard Moon: Vince, you've gone wrong.
Vince Noir: I am the Chosen One. I have the amulet.
Howard Moon: Yeah, well maybe it's time I had the amulet for a bit.
Vince Noir: You don't accessorise. There's a simple truth to you.
Howard Moon: Give me the amulet, you bitch!

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The Hitcher: Aagh! It hurts! It burns! You've liquified me, you slags!

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Vince Noir: [grabbing book] Look at this one!
Naboo: Don't touch that!
Vince Noir: All right! Easy!
Naboo: This is black magic. This is hardcore. Don't mess with the occult.
Vince Noir: I thought it was good for you.
Naboo: What?
Vince Noir: Well, you know, good for your digestive system.
Naboo: That's Yakult!
Vince Noir: Oh, yeah...

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