Dear spud .......
You have a cute ________. You make me _______. You should _______.
Someday I will ______. You + me =________. If I saw you now I'd __________.
I would build a _______ just for you. I would get your name tattooed on my __________.
If I could sing you any song it would be _________.
We could __________ under the stars. My love for you is like that of ____________. I want to ___________ your __________ and make you __________! your ___________tastes like ____________. the best part of you is ___________and i wanna _________________you!!!!

Love,
_______________

(P.S. ______________

Bruce uses ribbed condoms inside out, so he gets the pleasure.

Bruce' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

When Bruce has sex with a man, it is not because he is gay, but because he has run out of women.

Bruce once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over the Pacific Ocean.

Bruce doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

If you ask Bruce what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Bruce only masturbates to pictures of Bruce.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Bruce instead decided to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a beard.

Bruce appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Bruce replied, "That's no glitch."

Bruce lost his virginity before his dad did.

Since 1991, the year Bruce was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.

Bruce sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Bruce roundhouse kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

Filming on location for Walker: Texas Ranger, Bruce brought a stillborn baby lamb back to life by giving it a prolonged beard rub. Shortly after the farm animal sprang back to life and a crowd had gathered, Bruce roundhouse kicked the animal, breaking its neck, to remind the crew once more that Bruce giveth, and the good Bruce, he taketh away.

Bruce does not sleep. He waits.

Bruce built a time machine and went back in time to stop the JFK assassination. As Oswald shot, Bruce met all three bullets with his beard, deflecting them. JFK's head exploded out of sheer amazement.

Bruce is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Bruce!

Bruce was the fourth Wiseman. He brought baby Jesus the gift of "beard". Jesus wore it proudly to his dying day. The other Wisemen, jealous of Jesus' obvious gift favoritism, used their combined influence to have Bruce omitted from the Bible. Shortly after all three died of roundhouse kick related deaths.

To prove it isn't that big of a deal to beat cancer. Bruce smoked 15 cartons of cigarettes a day for 2 years and aquired 7 different kinds of cancer only to rid them from his body by flexing for 30 minutes. Beat that, Lance Armstrong.

There are no disabled people. Only people who have met Bruce.

Bruce does not have AIDS but he gives it to people anyway.

There is no chin behind Bruce' beard. There is only another fist.

Bruce once lined up to kick the winning field goal of a high school football game. When the football went flat, he persuaded the referees to let him kick the field goal with a 3 month old child. Bruce roundhoused kicked the baby 60 yards through the uprights and then proceeded to bang every girl in the stadium.

The original theme song to the Transformers was actually "Bruce--more than meets the eye, Bruce--robot in disguise," and starred Bruce as a Texas Ranger who defended the earth from drug-dealing Decepticons and could turn into a pick-up. This was far too much awesome for a single show, however, so it was divided.

The chief export of Bruce is pain.

Bruce is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

When Bruce plays Oregon Trail his family does not die from cholera or dysentery, but rather roundhouse kicks to the face. He also requires no wagon, since he carries the oxen, axels, and buffalo meat on his back. He always makes it to Oregon before you.

Hello, welcome to the mental health hotline.

If you have obsessive compulsive disorder, press 1 repeatedly.

If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.

If you have multiple personality syndrome, press 3, 4, 5, and 6.

If you suffer from paranoid schizophrenia, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.

If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transfered to the mothership.

If you are hearing voices, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.

If you are manic depressive, it doesn't matter which button you press. No one will answer anyway.

If you are dyslexic, press 96969696969696.

If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the pound button until a representative comes on the line.

If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone number, date of birth, social security number, and your mother's and grandmother's maiden names.

If you have post traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 911.

If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep. Or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.

If you have short term memory loss, please try you call again in a few minutes.

If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All our representatives are busy.