1. who are u?.........
2. Are we friends?........
3. When and how did we meet?........
4. Do you hav a crush on me?.........
5. Have you ever wanted to punch me?........
6. Give me a nikname and explain why?........
7. Describe me in 1 word........
8. what was ur first impression ov me?.......
9. do u still fink the same?......
10. What reminds u ov me?.....
11. If you could giv me anything wot wod it b?......
12. How well do u no me?......
13. Whens the last tym u saw me?.....
14. Eva wanted 2 tell me sumthing u couldnt?......
15. Are you goin 2 put dis on ur blog and c wot i say about u?...
16. how many times do u wank a day?.....

Q: What's blue and fucks old people?

A: Hypothermia


Q: What's the first thing a woman does when she gets out of the
battered wives' shelter?

A: The dishes if she knows what's good for her


Q: What is the definition of "making love"?

A: Something a woman does while a guy is fucking her.



Q: What do 54,000 abused woman every year have in common?

A: They don't fucking listen.



Q: What's yellow and green and eats nuts?

A: Gonorrhoea


Q: Why did God create yeast infections?

A: So women would know what it's like to live with an irritating
cunt once in a while too.


Q. How can you tell a macho woman?

A. She rolls her own tampons.



Q. What's the difference between a woman and a sheep?

A. The sheep doesn't get upset if you screw her sister.



Q. What's the difference between acne and a Michael Jackson?

A. Acne usually doesn't come on a kid's face until he's at least 13
years old.



Q. How do you turn a fox into an elephant?

A. Marry it!



Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?

A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.



Q. Why do men pay more for car insurance?

A. Because women don't get blow jobs while they're driving.




Q. What's the difference between mayonnaise & semen?

A. Mayonnaise doesn't hit the back of a girl's throat at thirty
miles an hour.


Q. Why do women call it PMS?

A. Mad Cow Disease was already taken.



Q. What's a mixed feeling?

A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new
car.



Q. What's the height of conceit?

A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.



Q. What's the definition of macho?

A. Jogging home from your own vasectomy.



Q. How can you tell if you're at a bulimic bachelor party?

A. The cake jumps out of the girl.


Q. What's the difference between oral sex & anal sex?

A. Oral sex makes your day, anal sex makes your hole weak.



Q. What's so good about an Ethiopian blowjob?

A. You know she'll swallow.



Q. Why don't they teach driver's education and sex education on the
same day in Iraq?

A. They don't want to wear out the camel.


Q. What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife?

A. A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewellery.



Q. What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?

A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball.



Q. How do the little boys at Michael Jackson's ranch know when it
is bedtime?

A. When the big hand touches the little hand...



Q. How do you know when it's time to wash dishes and clean the
house?

A. Look inside your pants; if you have a penis, it's not time.



Q. Do you know how Aussies practice safe sex?

A. They spray paint X's on the back of the animals that kick.



Q. Why is divorce so expensive?

A. Because it's worth it.

The best protection
Imagine if all the major retailers started making their own condoms
but
kept the same tag-lines...

Sainsbury condoms - making life taste better

Tesco Condoms - every little helps

Nike Condoms - Just do it

Peugeot Condoms - The ride of your life

Galaxy Condoms - Why have rubber when you can have silk

KFC Condoms - Finger Licking good

Minstrels Condoms - melt in your mouth, not in your hand

Safeway Condoms - Lightening the load

Abbey National Condoms - because life is complicated enough

Coco Cola Condoms - The real thing

Ever Ready Condoms - keep going and going

Macintosh Condoms - It does more, it costs less, it's that simple

Pringles Condoms - once you pop, you can't stop

Burger King Condoms - Home of the Whopper

Goodyear Condoms - "for a longer ride, go wide"

FCUK Condoms - no comment required

Mullerlight condoms - so much pleasure, but where's the pain?

Flash Condoms - Just sit back, relax and let Flash do all the
hardwork

Halford Condoms - we go the extra mile

Royal Mail Condoms - I saw this and thought of you

Andrex Condoms - Soft, strong and very very long

Renault Condoms - size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms - does exactly what it says on the tin

Ronseal quick-drying condoms - its dry and waterproof in about 30 minutes

Domestos Condoms - gets right under the rim!!

Heineken Condoms - reaches parts that other condoms just cannot
reach

Carlsberg Condoms - probably the best condom in the world

Mars Condoms - a condom a day helps you work rest and play

AA Condoms - for the 4th emergency service

Pepperami Condoms - its a bit of an animal

Polo Condoms - the condom with the hole!! (VERY poor seller!!)
0 Comments 1 day ago



Facts!
1. Babies are born without kneecaps!

2.Bees kill more people per year than poisonous snakes!

3. 3,500 left handed people die each year from using products designed for right handed people!

4. A one minute kiss burns 26 calories!

5. All polar bears are left handed!!

6. A snail can sleep for three years!

7. 55% of people yawn within 5 mins of seeing someone else yawn!

8. Being unmarried shortens a mans life by approx 10 years!!