Don't undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others.
It is because we are different that each of us is special.

Don't set your goals by what other people deem important.
Only you know what is best you you.

Don't take for granted those things closest to you heart,
Cling to them as you would your life,
For without them life is meaningless.

Don't let life slip through your fingers,
By living in the past or for the future,
By living your life one dat at a time, you live all the days of your life.

Don't give up when you still have something to give,
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.

Don't be afriad to admit you are less than perfect,
It is this fragile thread that binds us to each other.

Don't be afriad to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances that we learn to be brave.

Don't shut love out of your life by saying it's impossible to find, the quickest way to recieve love is to give love, the fastest way to lose love is to hold it to tightly; and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.

Don't dismiss your dreams,
To be without dreams is to be without hope,
To be without hope is to be without purpose.

Don't run through life so fast,
That you forget not only where you've been,
But also where you're going.

Life is not a race but a journey to be savoured each step of the way.

10) Collect potatoes. Paint faces on them and give them names. Name one after your flatmate. Separate your flatmate's potato from the others. Wait a few days, and then bake your flatmate's potato and eat it. Explain to your flatmate, saying 'He just didn't belong'

9) Move everything to one side of the room. Ask your flatmate if he knows how much an elephant weighs, and look at the floor on the empty side of the room with concern.

Draw a tiny black line on your nose. Make it bigger every day. Look at it and say, 'the hair, it's growing. Growing!'

7) Buy some knives. Sharpen them every night. While you're doing so, look at your flatmate and mutter, 'Soon, soon...'

6) Collect hundreds of pens and pile them on one side of the room. Keep one pencil on the other side of the room. Laugh at the pencil.

5) Tell your flatmate, 'I've got an important message for you.' Then pretend to faint. When you recover, say you can't remember what the message was. Later on, say, 'Oh, yeah, I remember!' Pretend to faint again. Keep this up for several weeks.

4) While your flatmate is out, glue your shoes to the ceiling. When your flatmate walks in, sit on the floor, hold your head, and moan.

3) Make a sandwich. Don't eat it, leave it on the floor. Ignore the sandwich. Wait until your flatmate gets rid of it, and then say, 'Hey, where the f**k is my sandwich!?' Complain loudly that you are hungry.

2) Every time your flatmate walks in yell, 'Hooray! You're back!' as loud as you can and dance around the room for five minutes. Afterwards, keep looking at your watch and saying, 'Shouldn't you be going somewhere?'

1) Talk back to your Rice Krispies. All of a sudden, act offended, throw the bowl on the floor and kick it. Refuse to clean it up, explaining, 'No, I want to watch them suffer.'

Dear Alcohol,

First & foremost, let me tell you that I'm a huge fan of yours. My friend,
you always seem to be there when needed. The perfect post-work cocktail, a
beer at the game, and you're even around in the holidays hidden inside
chocolates as you warm us when we're stuck in the midst of endless family
gatherings.

However, lately I've been wondering about your intentions. While I want to
believe that you have my best interests at heart, I feel that your influence
has led to some unwise consequences:

1. Phone calls: While I agree with you that communication is important, I
question the suggestion that any conversation of substance or necessity
takes place after 2 a.m. Why would you make me call those
ex-boyfriends/girlfriends when I know for a fact they do not want to hear
from me during the day, let alone all hours of the night?

2. Eating: Now, you know I love a good meal, but why do you suggest that I
eat a taco with chili sauce, along with a big Italian meatball and some
stale chips (washed down with WINE & topped off with a Kit Kat after a few
cheese curls & chili cheese fries)? I'm an eclectic eater, but I think you
went too far this time.

3. Clumsiness: Unless you're subtly trying to tell me that I need to do more
yoga to improve my balance, I see NO need to hammer the issue home by
causing me to fall down. It's completely unnecessary, and the black & blue
marks that appear on my body mysteriously the next day are beyond me.
Similarly, it should never take me more than 45 seconds to get the front
door key into the lock.

4. Furthermore: The hangovers have GOT to stop. This is getting ridiculous.
I know a little penance for our previous evening's debauchery may be in
order, but the 3pm hangover immobility is completely unacceptable. My entire
day is shot. I ask that, if the proper precautions are taken (water, vitamin
B, bread products, aspirin), prior to going to sleep/passing out face down
on the kitchen floor with a bag of popcorn, the hangover should be minimal &
in no way interfere with my daily activities.

Alcohol, I have enjoyed our friendship for some years now & would like to
ensure that we remain on good terms. You've been the invoker of great
stories, the provocation for much laughter, and the needed companion when I
just don't know what to do with the extra money in my pockets.

In order to continue this friendship, I ask that you carefully review my
grievances above & address them immediately. I will look for an answer no
later than Thursday 3pm (pre-happy hour) on your possible solutions &
hopefully we can continue this fruitful partnership.

Thank you, Your biggest fan

P.S. THINGS THAT ARE DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1 Innovative 2.
Preliminary 3. Proliferation 4. Cinnamon

THINGS THAT ARE VERY DIFFICULT TO SAY WHEN DRUNK: 1. Specificity 2. British
Constitution 3. Passive-aggressive disorder

THINGS THAT ARE DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE TO SAY WHEN DRUNK:

1. Thanks, but I don't want to have sex.

2. Nope, no more beer for me.

3. Sorry, but you're not really my type.

4. Good evening, officer. Isn't it lovely out tonight?

5. Oh, I couldn't. No one wants to hear me sing...