In Lebanon, men are legally allowed to have sex with animals,

but the animals must be female. Having sexual relations with a male

animal is punishable by death.

(Like THAT makes sense.)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Bahrain, a male doctor may legally examine a woman's

genitals, but is prohibited from looking directly at them during the

examination. He may only see their reflection in a mirror.

(Do they look different reversed?)

>*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 *

Muslims are banned from looking at the genitals of a corpse.

This also applies to undertakers. The sex organs of the deceased

must be covered with a brick or piece of wood at all times.

(A brick??)

>*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 *

The penalty for masturbation in Indonesia is decapitation.

(Much worse than "going blind!")

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

There are men in Guam whose full-time job is to travel the
countryside and deflower young virgins, who pay them for the

privilege of having sex for the first time Reason: under Guam law, it is

expressly forbidden for virgins to marry.

(Let's just think for a minute; is there any job anywhere else

in the world that even comes close to this?)

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Hong Kong, a betrayed wife is legally allowed to kill her

adulterous husband, but may only do so with her bare hands. The

husband's illicit lover, on the other hand, may be killed in any

manner desired.


(Ah! Justice!)

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Topless saleswomen are legal in Liverpool, England but only in

tropical fish stores.

(But of course!)

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

In Cali, Colombia, a woman may only have sex with her husband,

and the first time this happens, her mother must be in the room to

witness the act.

(Makes one shudder at the thought.)

>*~*~*~*~**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~**~*
 ~*

In Santa Cruz, Bolivia, it is illegal for a man to have sex

with a woman and her daughter at the same time.

(I presume this was a big enough problem that they had to pass

this law?)

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 ~*

In Maryland, it is illegal to sell condoms from vending

machines with one exception: Prophylactics may be dispensed from a

vending machine only "in places where alcoholic beverages are sold

for consumption on the premises."

(Is this a great country or what? Well not as great as Guam!)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 *

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.

(Who volunteers for this stuff?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 *~*

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for

pleasure.

(Is that why Flipper was always smiling?)

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 *~*

The ant can lift 50 times its own weight, can pull 30 times its

own weight and always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.

(From drinking little bottles of ... ?)

(Did the government pay for this research??)

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 ~*~*~
*

Butterflies taste with their feet.

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
 *~*~*

Starfish don't have brains.

>*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
 ~*~*~
*
And, the best for last:


Turtles can breathe through their butts.

(And I thought I had bad breath in the morning!)

Some Quotes from the man/legend/genius, Mr. Jeremy Clarkson:


"I'm sorry, but having a DB9 on the drive and not driving it is a
bit like having Keira Knightley in your bed and sleeping on the
couch. If you've got even half a scrotum it's not going to happen."

"We start tonight with the highlight of my childhood. It's the
Ladybird Book of Motorcars from 1963, and as you would imagine it's
full of rubbish really. Just endless boring grey shapes, until you
get to page 40, where you find the Maserati 3500 GT. Now this for
me, when I was little, was like kind of Jordan and Cameron Diaz. In
a bath together. With a Lightning jet fighter. And lots of jelly."


"[about Porsche Cayman S] There are many things I'd rather be doing
than driving it, including waiting for Bernard Manning to come off
stage in a sweaty nightclub, and then licking his back clean"

....."the last time someone was as wrong as you, was when a
politician stepped off an aeroplane in 1939 waving a piece of paper
in the air saying there will be no war with Germany"


"America: 250 million ******s living in a country with no word for
******"

On the Alfa Romeo Brera...
"I only have to imagine this in black, with tan leather and I'm
nursing a semi!"

Illustrating the lack of power of a Boxster - 'It couldn't pull a
greased stick out of a pig's bottom'

On the Vauxhall Vectra VXR:
"there is a word to describe this car: it begins with "s" and ends
with "t" and its not "soot".
Hammond:"So its fairly terrible then?"
Clarkson:"Oh no...losing your leg is fairly terrible: this is
another league of badness!"

"some say, that he used to throw microwave ovens at homeless people
- and that he long before anyone else realised that jade goody is a
racist pig faced waste of blood and organs............all we know,
is that he's called the Stig!"


"the Suzuki Wagon R should be avoided like unprotected sex with an
Ethiopian transvestite"

"Speed has never killed anyone, suddenly becoming stationary...
That's what gets you."

'The air conditioning in Lambos used to be an asthmatic sitting in
the dashboard blowing at you through a straw'

"Koenigsegg are saying that the CCX is more comfortable. More
comfortable than what... BEING STABBED?"

"The only person to ever look good in the back of a 4-seater
convertible was Adolf Hitler"

(Fed up during the caravanning trip)
"You aren't allowed to have a party, you aren't allowed to have
music, you aren't allowed to play ball games, you aren't allowed to
have a camp fire, you have to park within two feet of a post, you
have to keep quiet, you have to be in bed by eleven.
This is not a holiday, it's a concentration camp!"


"This is the Renault Espace, probably the best of the people
carriers. Not that that's much to shout about. That's like saying
"Ooh good I've got syphilis, the BEST of the sexually transmitted
diseases.""

(Mercedes CLs55) "Braking in this car is so brutal, it would be less
painful to actually hit the tree you were trying to miss."


"I don't understand bus lanes. Why do poor people have to get to
places quicker than I do?"

Clarkson's highway code on cyclists: 'trespassers in the motorcars
domain, they do not pay road tax and therefore have no right to be
on the road, some of them even believe they are going fast enough to
not be an obstruction. Run them down to prove them wrong'


"I was reading The Mirror the other day and came across a letter
from a reader who wrote, 'I was riding my bike to work when this red
Ferrari pulled up next to me. Out of the window, Jeremy Clarkson
shouted 'Get a car', and drove off.' What I actually said was, 'Get
a car you hatchet faced, leaf-eating Nazi"


"Britain's nuclear submarines have been deemed unsafe...probably
because they don't have wheel-chair access"


1) "If we are being honest HIV is a pathetic virus, it can only live
in the air for 6seconds and it does what ebola

'Twas doon by the inch o' Abbots
Oor Johnny walked one day
When he saw a sicht that troubled him
Far more that he could say
A fanatic muslim bastard
Wiz doin what he'd planned
And intae Glesca's departure hall
A Cherokee he'd rammed.

A big Glaswegian polis
Came forward tae assist
He thocht "a wumman driver"
Or at least someone half-pissed
But to his shock nae drunken Jock
Emerged to grasp his hand
But a flamin Arab loony
Frae Al Qaeda's band

The mad Islamist nut-case
Had set hissel' on fire
And swung oot at the polis
GBH his clear desire
Now that's no richt wur Johnny cried
And sallied tae the fray
A left hook and a heid butt
Required tae save the day.

Now listen up Bin Laden
Yir sort's nae wanted here
For imported English radicals
Us Scoatsman huv nae fear
Oor hame grown Glesca Asians
Will have nae bluidy truck
So tak yer worldwide jihad
An get yersel tae F***