Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek" He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9 percent of germs. Chuck Norris can kill 100 percent of whatever the fuck he wants.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and kill

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds till." After you ask, "Two seconds to what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris only masturbates to pictures of Chuck Norris.

Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have
increased 13,000 percent.

Some kids piss their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can piss his name into concrete

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket

Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a canned beverage. We know this beverage as Red Bull.

God wanted to create the world in 10 days… Chuck Norris gave him 6.

Chuck Norris once commented, “There are few problems in this world that cannot be solved by a swift roundhouse kick to the face. In fact, there are none.”

The Ten Commandments of Pot

1. The Golden Rule works for pot:
If a friend has nothing to smoke and you do, smoke them up.
If you've got munchies and drink and they don't, let them have a bit of yours.

2. Left-Hand Rule: Always pass to the left.
That way if you're driving in a car, The Driver doesn't have to reach behind him to grab the joint.

3. He who rolls a joint gains automatic sparking privileges.
If he rolls a nice joint, tell him so.
If he does not wish to spark, he may pass the privilege to someone else.

4. Never complain about somebody else's weed.
They didn't have to include you...
Don't knock it free pot is good pot.

5. Never turn down a toke, unless you are too stoned (hey it happens).
Pity he who is too stoned.

6. Valid Medical Patients
A Valid Medical Patient does have the right to smoke alone.
If they feel they do not have enought to share.
Remember it's their medicine.

7. A match is a match:
Try never to match pinners to anything bigger, its just impolite.
Come to think of it, never roll a pinner.
If you absoultely must roll a pinner due to lack of pot, apologize profusely.

8. Always:
Declare a bowl cashed if you think it is.
Reload

9. The person who brought the bud picks the music.

10. The little things that kill:
Never miss 4:20.
Thou shalt not take more then one toke at a time.
Save all your roaches for a "rainy day".
Never clean anyone else's bowl without permission