1. You never send letters to your friends. (Always Email)

2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years.

3. The reason for not staying in touch with your friends is that they don't have Email.

4. You'd rather look all over the house for the remote instead of just pushing the button on the TV.

6. Your evening activity is sitting at the computer.

7. You read this list, and keep nodding and smiling.

8. You think about how stupid you are for reading this.

9. You were too busy to notice number five.

10. You actually scrolled back up to check if there was a number five.

11. And now you're laughing at your stupidity.

12. Put this in your profile if you fell for it. You know you did. (I did)

1. when she asks how she looks shrug and say "could be better" this will keep her on her toes. and girls love that

2. never hold her hand. this can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. if she grabs your hand squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. this will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are

3. once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. girls are like dogs. they love to be roughed up.

4. call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. if she is, say you better be , repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. this will show her you care.

5. when she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. this will pave the way for her own personal improvement. and every girl needs some improvement

6. recognize the small things . . . they usually mean the most. then when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. because jewelry is for pussies and asian ladies

7. if youre talking to another girl, make sure shes looking. When she is stare into her eyes mouth the words fuck you and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition

8. tell her you're taking her out to dinner. drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. then take her to an itinerant camp. when she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding and now you're really going to take her to dinner. then drive her home. when she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear "...because i can."

9. introduce her to your friends as "some chick". women love those special nicknames.

10. play with her hair. play with it HARD

11. warm her up when shes cold...and not by giving her your jacket... then you might get cold. rather, look her in the eye and say "if you don't stop bitching about the cold right now you're going to be bitching about a black eye." the best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroomthey always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the partys dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party

13. make her laugh. a good way to do this is if she has a small pet. kick the pet. i always find stuff like that funny. why shouldn't girls?

14. let her fall asleep in your arms. when she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! repeat until she goes home and you can use your arms for more important things.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit

16. if you care about her never ever tell her. this will only give her self confidence. then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be

17. Every time youre in her house steal one of the following: shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair This way shell go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when shes about to order interrupt and say no shes not hungry. make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. look her in the eyes and smile. then clock her one. girls love a spontaneous guy

20. give her one of your t-shirts......and make sure it has your smell on it. but not a sexy cologne smell. a bad smell. you know what i'm talking about.

21. When its raining keep asking her if shes crying. Shell say no its just the rain ten minutes later turn to her and just scream at her to stop crying you fucking cunt. Girls like a tough man as i've already stated.

22. Nipple Cripples and plenty of them

23. if youre listening to music, and she asks to hear it, tell her no. this way she'll think you're mysterious

24. remember her birthday but don't get her something. Teach her material objects arent important. The only thing thats important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever get

25. when she gives you a present on your birthday, christmas, or just w

Sainsbury's flavoured condoms ~ making life taste better

Tesco's condoms ~ every little helps

Nike condoms ~ just do it

Peugeot condoms ~ the ride of your life

Ferrari condoms ~ fast as fuck

KFC condoms ~ they're finger licking good

Safeway's condoms ~ lightening the load

Abbey National condoms ~ because life is complicated enough

Coca-cola condoms ~ the real thing

Duracell condoms ~ you can just keep going and going

Pringles condoms ~ once u pop u cant stop

Burger King condoms ~ home of the whopper

Flash condoms ~ just sit back relax and let Flash do all the hard work, so you dont have to

Halfords condoms ~ we go the extra mile

Royal mail condoms ~ i saw this and thought of us

Andrex condoms ~ soft strong and very long

Renault condoms ~ size really does matter!

Ronseal condoms ~ does exactly what it says on the packet

Domestos condoms ~ gets rite under the rim!!

Carlsberg condoms ~ probably the best condom in the world

AA condoms ~ you always have AA friend

Pepperami condoms ~ its a bit of an animal

Polo condoms ~ the condom with the hole (very poor seller)

Halifax condoms ~ who gives you extra?

Charmin condoms ~ break the habbit (and use protection)

Tellietubbie condoms ~ again again!!!

Cadburys condoms ~ give into your happiness

Red Bull condoms ~ gives u wings

Cadburys creme egg flavoured condoms ~ how do u eat yours?

Sure crystal condoms ~ unbeatable against white marks

UGC cinema condoms ~ cuming soon

Lynx condoms ~ because you never know when

Treseme condoms ~ used by professionals

Gillete condoms ~ the best a man can get

Asda- more 4 u 4 less