Six things you wonder about me
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2.
3.
4.
5.
6.

Five Things you like about me
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2.
3.
4.
5.

Four things you don't like about me
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2.
3.
4.

Three of my best features
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2.
3.

Two words that describe me
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2

1. I'm as sick as a small hospital

2. I'm so hungry I'd eat a small child

3. She had a face on her like a well slapped arse

4. Your' re as welcome as a fart in a spacesuit

5. My mouth's as dry as a nun' s crack

6. He has rubber-lined pockets so he can steal soup

7. He thinks manual labour is a Spanish musician

8. As funny as a burning orphanage

9. He's so camp, he shites tent pegs

10. I'm as sick as a plane to Lourdes

11. I feel like a boiled sh1te (hung-over)

12. (when leaving) I'm off like a debs dress

13. She had a face on her that would drive rats from a barn

14. As busy as the Dalkey dole office

15. Sweatin' like a paedophile in a Barney suit

16. As tight as a nun's knickers

17. I'm so horny I'd get up on the crack of dawn

18. I'd crawl a million miles across broken glass to kiss the exhaust of
the van that took her dirty knickers to the laundry.

19. Up and down like a whore's knickers

20. No show pony but would do for a ride around the house

21. Did your mother find out who your father is yet?

22. What would ye expect from a pig but a grunt

23. I left her with a face like a painter' s radio

24. A Mickey the size of a double-value can of Right Guard!!

25. Jaysus, she could breastfeed a crèche

26. As fit as a butcher's dog

27. She's got more chins than a Chinese phone book

28. Not even the tide would take her out

29. Mother Teresa wouldn't kiss her

30. Daz wouldn't shift her

31. Des Kelly wouldn't lay her

32. A sniper wouldn't take her out

33. Jaysus, ya wouldn't ride her into battle

34. If I'd a bag of bruised willies I wouldn't give her one

35. She has a face on her like a bulldog that's just licked piss off a nettle

36. She wouldn't get a kick in a stampede

37. She had a fanny like a badly packed kebab

38. If I'd a garden full of Mickey' s I wouldn't let her look over the wall

39. If it aint on the wrister-scale, it aint worth a wank.

Aaron - ugly but hung like a horse, prone to belly button fluff.
Able - totally useless.
Adam - not very bright and not very pretty, has almost mastered hygiene.
Adrian - usually short and very horny, watches cartoons.
Alan - shy but sensitive, gets screwed over by women.
Alex - cute and tall but a liar and a cheat.
Alistair - likes being tied up, and really enjoys playing with train sets
Amir - dirty, smelly, pecker is minuscule. Bad diet.
Andrew - Highly intelligent and wears a kilt. Poor standards of hygiene. Homicidal tendencies.
Antonio - has a great body and beautiful skin, and chicken brain. Looks in the mirror too much.
Anthony - great guy and kind to all girls, smells of wee.
Arnold - loser.
Arthur - hung like a slave and celibate.
Avenir - reads too many fantasy books, wears armour to bed.
Baron - Reads SAS books, wants to go out and shoot something or somebody.
Barry - lights fires, pinches girl’s bottoms and is well hung.
Barnaby - very big, very strong and very gentle, cries a lot.
Ben - funny and can be real difficult to beat at games.
Bill - thinks he's really popular, thinks all the girls want him ...he's wrong.
Bob - quiet and unpopular, eats with his hands.
Brad - short and squat, has bad breath.
Braden - Drop out and doesn't care, will set record for longest employee at McDonalds.
Brandon - good looking but uses girls. Not very academic.
Brendan - quiet and sweet, gets beaten up all the time.
Brett - worldwide slut and really insensitive, women love him.
Brian - mean and only thinks of himself, he's just a very naughty boy.
Bryan - sexy, but stupid - can't spell.
Bronsen - annoying and never grows up - has a stupid name.
Bruce - stinks bad and thinks everyone else's name is also Bruce.
Bryce - fun to be with and will make you laugh, you'll kill him within a week.
Callum - tall and geeky, very defensive.
Calvin - immature in a naive way, drives a Gemini.
Cameron - Australian. Big muscles.
Carl - horny. bastard, who can't sing.
Carlo - dark and brooding, for some unknown reason girls seem to like him!
Carson - fun to be around and really sensitive.
Chad - cute, sensitive and very studly - only found in American movies, no real person has that name.
Charles - can't trust him, eyes too close together.
Chris - can't pull, will pay for women, but has a huge pecker and can use it too.
Christian - Gay but very sexy and seductive.
Clark - hilarious and always in trouble, problem with 'jailbait'.
Cliff - very sweet and adores girls, but very superficial.
Clive - trainspotter ... dull as ditchwater.
Cole - nice, funny, and very stupid.
Colin - lies to women and blows up public buildings.
Cory - funny but ugly, ends up running fashion magazines.
Craig - tries to fit in - he never does.
Crispin - Ugly homosexual. Fancies himself. Successful
Curtis - needs constant mothering and reassurance.
Damien - spawn of the devil, but in a good way.
Damon - total loser in a sweaty sort of way.
Dan - quiet but funny, but becomes easily addicted to narcotics.
Danny - Wears stylish clothes and has silky womens underwear beneath them.
Dane - weird but can hold together a conversation with a mermaid.
Daniel - enjoys root vegetables in every orifice.
Darren - charming , but sleeps with men.
Darwyn - exercises too much, favourite word Ug Daryl - pompous and
overbearing, likes using big words that only he understands.
David - Sensible and works out a lot, loves girls named Florence.
Dave - extremely sexy, always funny, intelligent, stylish, trendsetter i.e. a wanker.
Dean - full of himself and thinks with his dick.
Dele - well endowed likes blondes. Looks in the mirror too much
Dennis - either very nice to girls or a faggot.
Derek - has a great sense of humour, and a blow-up doll collection.
Dillon - Stupid but well-built, women just use him for sex.
Dominic - hilarious and will do anything to please anybody.
Don - dickhead, nobody likes him.
Doug - has a greasy face, dr