Only in Ireland!!!

Only in Ireland... Can a pizza get to your house faster than
an ambulance.

Only in Ireland... Do banks leave both doors open and chain
the pens to the counters.

142 Irish were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from
new shirts.

58 Irish are injured each year by using sharp knives instead
of screwdrivers.

13 Irish have died since 1996 by wateringtheir Christmas tree while the fairy lights were plugged in.

Irish hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after cracker pulling
accidents.

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Irish had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Irish were admitted to A&E in the last two years after opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Irish were injured last year in accidents involving out of control Scalextric cars.

larry reilly 23 days ago

Larry Reilly
Why Larry Reilly is better than pele or maradona
The Original.......

>>People thought Pele was great because he played for Brazil in the World Cup when he was seventeen. When Larry was seventeen he was playing with Knockbride minors, Knockbride junior B’s, the odd senior game, St. Brigids u21’s, Bailieborough schools u18’s, the Cavan Vocational schools team, AND the Cavan Minors.

>>Maradona may have used the hand of God to beat England, but only Larry could get away with hoping the ball twice and scoring the equalising point in an Ulster final.

>>Pele and Maradona would run the length of the field, go around every opposition player including the goalkeeper and tap it into the empty net, Larry just runs to the corner and scores from there.

>>Pele needed to advertise viagra to turn people on. Larry Reilly just has to play football.

>>Because there’s only one great team play in blue and white, and it’s not Argentina.

>>In Brazil there’s a special edition toilet paper called ‘Pele’. There was going to be a toilet paper called ‘Larry’, but Larry Reilly doesn’t take crap from anyone.

>>Pele and Maradona had some of the world’s greatest ever players playing alongside them. Who had Larry?

>>I’ve never seen Pele bust through two Aussie Rules players and come out with the ball.

>>If Larry was a bullock, you’d say, ” he’s winthered well!”

>>Pele and Maadona played in some of the biggest and finest stadiums in the world, but you’d never see them scoring 1-8 against Killagarry of a winters evenin’.

>>Larry Reilly defies physics, no man weighing fifteen stone could be that fast.

>>There’d be no point in ringing Maradona if you had a pipe leaking .

>>Larry Reilly says shin gaurds are for babies.

>>Pele and Maradona may have come up against defenders from every corner of the world but did they ever skin Francie Bellew?...Larry sure did.

>>You always hear players being branded ‘the new Maradona’, or ‘the new Pele’. You’ll never hear anyone being called ‘the new Larry’. You know why?...Because there’ll only ever be one Larry Reilly.

When Larry Reilly goes swimming he doesn’t get wet, the water gets LarryReillyed.

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Larry Reilly.

Larry Reilly counted to infinity - twice.
Larry Reilly invented every colour. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When Larry Reilly does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

Larry Reilly hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.

Larry Reilly gave Mona Lisa that smile.

Larry Reilly can slam a revolving door.

Larry Reilly’s calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Larry Reilly.

Larry Reilly can speak Braille.

Superman owns a pair of Larry Reilly pyjamas.

Larry Reilly owns the greatest Poker Face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 World Series of Poker despite him holding just a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 cardfrom the game Uno.

Larry Reilly sleeps with a night light. Not because Larry Reilly is afraidof the dark, but the dark is afraid of Larry Reilly.

Once a cobra bit Larry Reilly’s leg. After five days of excruciating pain,the cobra died.

Larry Reilly divides by zero.

When Larry Reilly exercises, the machine gets stronger.

Larry Reilly sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled drinking ability. Shortly after the transaction wasfinalized, hekicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil,who appreciates irony, couldn’t stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday ofthe month in Canningstown.

Larry Reilly can kill two stones with one bird.

The only time Larry Reilly was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

GAA vs SOCCER
25 REASONS WHY GAA IS BETTER THAN SOCCER

1) The GAA player who played in front of 80,000 at the weekend will be teaching your children, selling you meat or fixing your drains on Monday morning. The soccer player who plays in front of 80,000 will be moaning about playing too many games and will be trying to sell you his personalised brand of leisure wear

2) GAA nicknames are better (The Bull, The Bomber, etc.) . Soccer players just add a Y to their surnames

3) Dublin vs Meath is a real derby. What does Utd. Vs City mean to Ronaldo or Sibierski

4) How many soccer players does it take to screw in a light bulb? Answer eleven. One to stick it in and ten to surround and kiss him after he does it

5) Soccer players go to the papers after a game. GAA players go to the pub

6) John Terry would run a mile if he came up against Francie Bellew

7) GAA teams are numbered 1-15. A soccer team reads like the lottery results

All soccer players wear shin pads. Some hurlers wear helmets

9) Television runs soccer. Schoolteachers run the GAA

10) The GAA is about where you're from. Soccer is about who you like

11) No segregation at GAA games

12) No soccer team has a nickname quite as lovely as the Fighting Cocks of Carlow

13) Bubble perms never made it to Croke Park

14) A scoreless draw in the GAA would be quite a novelty

15) The GAA may not appreciate its women as much as it should but at least we all know who Cora Stanunton is. The most famous woman in English soccer is Posh Spice

16) Under age players get to be part of the biggest days in hurling and football at half-time in the All-Ireland.

17)Gooch Cooper

1 If a GAA player ever jumped at a spectator like Eric Cantona did the rest of his team would join in. So would the rest of the crowd.

19)Vinnie Jones grabbed Gascoignes testicles. Paudie O'Se decked Joe McNally during the National Anthem. McNally learnt his lesson. Gascoigne just got worse.

20) The GAA season always leaves you wanting more. The soccer season leaves soccer people demanding less. "Fewer games please"

21) Old soccer players get testimonials, Old GAA players just slip down to junior.

22) Rural villages = A Church, A Post-office, a Pub and a GAA pitch.

23) Pints after the match with the lad you knocked seven lumps of shite out of in the game.

24)Croke park on a Summer's Day.

25)Roman Abramovich can buy the League. You can't buy Sam