Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn't figure out which side to spit on.



Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.



Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.



Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.

Sir Alex is queuing in his local building society, when a gunman bursts in through the door demanding money. Ferguson attempts to tackle the raider, but gets knocked over...as he falls, his head smashes the counter and Sir Alex is out cold. The robber escapes and the cashier tries to revive Ferguson. After a few minutes he comes round and looks bewildered. His first words are "Where the hell am I?". The Cashier replies: "don't worry, its ok, you're in the Nationwide." Ferguson replies, "F**k me, is it May already?"


Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.



Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they've been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.



Michael Barrymore has offered Manchester United £1 million pounds to play as their striker because he wants 10 pricks behind him and 67,000 assholes jumping up and down.



Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.



Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.



Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.



Q: What do you call a Mancunian with no arms and legs?
A: Trustworthy.



Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.



Q: What's the difference between a Man-U fan and a Vibrator?
A: A Man U fan is a real dick

Your Full Name:
--->
1. Age:
--->
2. Single or Taken:
--->
3. Favorite Movie:
--->
4. Favorite Song:crazy
--->
7. Kinky or Clean:
--->
8. Do we know each other outside of bebo?
--->
9. What song reminds you of me?
--->
10. Would you keep a secret from me?
--->
11. What is your favorite memory of us?
--->
12. Tell me one odd/intresting fact about you?
--->
13. Do you want to tell me something that you couldn't before?
--->
14. If I were a candy what would I be?
--->
15. whats ur best feature?
--->
16. Do you think I'm a good person?
--->
17. Do you think I'm attractive?
--->
18.Would you come over for no reason just to hang out?
--->
19. Will you post this so I can fill it out for you...

When there's only one other person in the elevator, tap them on the
shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.

Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go
back for more.

Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the
wrong ones.

Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they
know what floor you\'re on.

Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend.
After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your
day been?"

Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up,
then scream,"that's mine!"

Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the elevator

Move your desk in to the elevator and whenever someone gets
on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lay down a Twister mat and ask people if they'd like to play.

Leave a box in the corner, and when someone gets on, ask them if
they hear something ticking.

Pretend you are a flight attendant and review emergency
procedures and exits with the passengers.

Ask, "Did you feel that?"

Stand really close to someone, sniffing them occasionally.

When the doors close, announce to the others, "It's okay.
Don't panic, they open up again."

Swat at flies that don't exist.

Tell people that you can see their aura

Call out, "group hug!", then enforce it.

Grimace painfully while smacking your forehead and muttering,
"Shut up, all of you, just shut up!"

Crack open your briefcase or purse, and while peering inside,
ask, Got enough air in there?"

Stand silently and motionless in the corner, facing the wall,
without getting off.

Stare at another passenger for a while, then announce in
horror, "You're one of THEM!" and back away slowly.

Wear a puppet on your hand and use it to talk to the other
passengers.

Listen to the elevator walls with your stethoscope.

Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button.

Stare, grinning at another passenger for a while, and then
announce, I have new socks on."

Draw a little square on the floor with chalk and announce to
the other passengers, "This is my personal space!"

Fart loudly then exclaim "Not I said the wolf"

Jump up and down then look at the floor and shout " let go
you bastard "

Before the elevator door opens shout \"DING\" and then laugh
and say "beat you again Mr Elevator."

Hire a labrador, wear sunglasses and repeatedly walk into the walls
whilst pretending to not hear the other passengers