ya know yur a maori when......


*You go to the senior ball with your cousin

*A nice restaurant is an 'all you can eat' place

*A sleeve is a form of tissue for your nose

*You have to do dishes more than 3 times a day

*Boil-up is your preferred healthy food choice

*Breakfast is the left over boil-up from the night before

*Your sent to pick watercress for a funeral, at 3 o'clock in the morning -You get to the watercress patch at 3.30am and the marae down the road have already beaten you to it

*You organise for a get together at 2 o'clock, and everyone shows up at 5 o'clock

*You can sprint barefoot on sharp rocks

*You visit cuzzies, and someone's wearing the clothes you left behind last time you were there

*Your undies are hanging on the clothes-line but you know you haven't been wearing them

*You and your cousins sit around, and dis everyone who walks past

*You give the longest shout outs on the radio

*You have 6 people in the back seat of a two-door sports car

*In a photo, someone's pulling some kind of gang related hand signal

*Your mum cuts your hair cos you keep getting kutus

*Your at a party, and your aunty turns the stereo off then starts playing the guitar

*You know all the words to 10 guitars

*You see someone wearing your shoes that went missing at the marae

*The words 'oi' 'eow' 'umm' 'chur' 'sweet' 'nah & yeah' are all part of your vocabulary

*You go to school to eat the other kids lunch

*You go to school to watch the teacher teach the other kids

*Bullrush is your favourite sport

*You think your tribe is the best in the world

*Your older brother makes you cry and your the one who gets a hiding for crying

*Hello and goodbye are both said by raising your eyebrows.

*Your jandals / gumboots are: your running shoes, your work shoes, your flippers and your going out shoes.

*Your swimming togs are shorts and t-shirt. (and your in Maui, Hawaii, where all they wear is a bikini).

*You run to do bombs at the public pools where it says no running and no bombing.

*Brushing your hair is ... just putting on a beanie.

*You start driving, smoking and drinking when you are in form one (year six)

*You cant speak Maori but are fluent when you are drunk

*You laugh at everyone who cant sing

*You laugh at everyone who cant dance

*You laugh at everyone who cant do both at the same time

*You go to a party and at least a couple of your relatives are sleeping on the table

*You go to the same party three days later and its still going

*You go diving with one flipper, a broken snorkel and no goggles

*Playing the spoons is right up there as percussion for the guitar.

*You act clueless when pulled up for having no WOF or Rego

*You'll know your definitely a Mäori if you've read this email right to the bitter end, because...... Mäori don't like to miss out on anything.....

PAKEHAS: Never ask for food
MAORIS: Are the reason you have no food.

PAKEHAS: Call your parents Mr. and Mrs.
MAORIS: Call your parents aunty and uncle.

PAKEHAS: Bail you out of jail and tell you what you did was wrong.
MAORIS: Would be sitting next to you saying, that was fun!!

PAKEHAS:: Have never seen you cry.
MAORIS: Cry with you.

PAKEHAS orrow your stuff for a few days then give it back.
MAORIS: Keep it so long they forget it's yours.

PAKEHAS: know a few things about you.
MAORIS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

PAKEHAS:Would knock on your door.
MAORIS: Walk right in and say, "whats to eat?"

PAKEHAS: Are for a while.
MAORIS: Are for life.

PAKEHAS: Wont understand or find this amusing
MAORIS: Will be in hysterics laughing

PAKEHAS: Will ignore this.
MAORIS: Will Copy n PASTE this

1. Mojo-jo-jo
2. Clifford Dean
3. Erena Morehu
4. Robert Eketoni
5. Wepiha Webster
6. Mikaere Morehu
7. Laurance Ah Kuoi
8. Daniel Gage
9. Vae Vae Gage
10. Anahera Webster

When the moon hits your eyes like a big piece of pie, thats
a moray.

when your hit by a jug in a south Auckland pub, thats
a Maori