2006 review of fruit
hot from the pages of the Fruit Inventory Group (FIG) - this years movers and shakers in the world of fruit... read on, five-a-day fans....

Banana - Universally acknowledged as the supreme joker in the pack of the fruit world, beloved by that funniest of animals, the chimp, and often used for comically slipping on. the yellow peelable luncbox favorite further bolstered its humourous reputation by looking a bit like a cock.
Orange - The only fruit to be named after it's own colour had an un remarkable placing this year, losing points for being likely to spit in your eye.
Pineapple - Unashamedly sexual, the pineapple waltzed away with the special award for eroticism. often fetishised in slice form with cherries and cream as a nipple-topper by hungry mating couples. the pineapple also has it's own place in the sexual humour category, being often comically shoved up arses. this is funny as it's spiny outer skin would cause massive internal injuries to the recipient.
Apple - In it's supermarket form, a hard and shiny staple of on-the-go fruitfans, in it's natural form the apple is very different. half brown and squishy, half dry and dusty and containing wasps, the apple only saved itself from being demoted to a berry by being the most throw-able of all fruits.
Plums - Not a fruit at all anymore due to being a euphemism for testicles. inedible without innuendo, plums also give you the shits and so were banned from next years awards and fined 17 pounds.
F.I.G - The fruit experts since 2005.
A.K.A Cobra Von Bastard