Only in Ireland... Can a pizza get to your house faster than
an ambulance

Only in Ireland... Do banks leave both doors open and chain
the pens to
the counters.

142 Irish were injured in 1999 by not removing all pins from
new shirts.

58 Irish are injured each year by using sharp knives instead
of screwdrivers.

13 Irish have died since 1996 by wateringtheir Christmas
tree while the
fairy lights were plugged in.

Irish Hospitals reported 4 broken arms last year after
cracker pulling
accidents

101 people since 1999 have had to have broken parts of
plastic toys pulled out of the soles of their feet.

18 Irish had serious burns in 2000 trying on a new jumper
with a lit cigarette in their mouth.

A massive 543 Irish were admitted to A&E in the last two
years after
opening bottles of beer with their teeth.

5 Irish were injured last year in accidents involving out of
Control Scalextric cars.

AND finally......... In 2000, 8 Irish cracked their skull
whilst throwing up into the toilet!

>"I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars - the rest I just
>squandered."
>
>"I used to go missing a lot...Miss Canada, Miss United Kingdom, Miss
>World..."
>
>(On David Beckham) "He cannot kick with his left foot, he cannot head a
>ball, he cannot tackle and he doesn't score many goals. Apart from that
>he's alright."
>
>"If I had been born ugly, you would never have heard of Pelé" [6]
>
>"In 1969 I gave up women and alcohol. It was the worst 20 minutes of my
>life."
>"Pelé called me the greatest footballer in the world. That is the
ultimate
>salute to my life."
>
>"I've stopped drinking, but only while I'm asleep."
>
>"I once said Gazza's IQ was less than his shirt number and he asked me:
>"What's an IQ?""
>
>(On Eric Cantona) "I'd give all the Champagne I've ever drunk to be
playing
>alongside him in a big European match at Old Trafford."
>
>(On the blood transfusion after his liver transplant) "I was in for 10
>hours and had 40 pints - beating my previous record by 20 minutes."

>1. Indicators will give away your next move. A confident Irish
>driver avoids using them.
>
>2. Under no circumstance should you maintain a safe distance
>between you and the car in front of you, because somebody else
>will fill in the space, putting you in an even more dangerous
>situation.
>
>3. The faster you drive through a red light, the less chance
>you have of getting hit.
>
>4. Never get in the way of an older car that needs extensive
>bodywork, especially with WW, MO or MH plates. With no
>insurance, the other operator probably has nothing to lose.
>
>5. Braking is to be done as hard and late as possible to ensure that
>your ABS kicks in, giving a vigorous, foot massage as the brake pedal
>violently pulsates. For those of you without ABS, it's a chance to
>strengthen your leg muscles.
>
>6. Never pass on the right when you can pass on the left. It's
>a good way to prepare other drivers entering the motorway.
>
>7. Speed limits are arbitrary figures, given only as a
>suggestion and are not enforceable in Ireland during rush
>hour.
>
>8. Always brake and rubberneck when you see an accident or
>even someone changing a tyre. This is seen as a sign of
>respect for the victim.
>
>9. Learn to swerve abruptly without signalling. Ireland is the
>home of high-speed slalom driving thanks to the Department of
>Public Works, which puts potholes in key locations to test
>drivers' reflexes and keep them alert!
>
>10. It is tradition in Ireland to honk your horn at cars in
>front of you that do not move three milliseconds after the
>light turns green.
>
>11. To avoid injury in the event of a collision or rollover,
>it is important to exit your vehicle through the windscreen
>right away. Wearing your seat belt will only impede your
>hi-velocity escape from danger.
>
>12. Remember that the goal of every Irish driver is to get
>ahead of the pack by whatever means necessary.
>
>13. WARNING! Never come to a complete stop at a stop sign. No
>one expects it and it will result in you being rear-ended
>
>
>