The Master of insults!!

>1. Look's like he's been dooking for apples in a chip pan

>2. She's got a face like a dug lickin pish aff a nettle

>3. It looks like he's been set on fire and put out with a golf shoe!

>4. She's got a face that could make an onion cry

>5. I wouldn't ride her into battle

>6. Everyone has a right to be ugly, but he abuses the privilege

>7. I wouldn't do her with a rusty pole

>8. He's got mair chins than a Chinese phone book

>9. She's got a face like a melted welly

>10. He smells like an alkies carpet

>11. She's seen more japs-eyes than an oriental optician

>12. It's like shaggin a pail of water

>13. It's like shaggin the sleeve off a wizard's cloak

>14. She's killed more cocks than a fowl butcher

>15. She's got a fanny like a ripped out fireplace

>16. She' got a fanny like a horses collar

>17. He's got a face like a sand blasted tomato

>18. She's got an arse like a bag o washing

>19. Your face could get a job haunting houses

>20. I wouldn't ride her if I had a bag of spare Dicks

>21. He sweats like a dog in a Chinese restaurant

>22. She's seen more helmets than Hitler

>23. The wheels turning but the hamsters died

>24. She's been cocked more times than Davy Crocket's Musket

>25. He's got a face like a stuntman's knee

>26. She's got a fanny like a badly packed kebab

>27. Your ma's goat a dick and yer da's jealous

1. Whats your Name?
2. Are we close?
3. What do you think of me?
4. Do you hav a crush on me?
5. Would u kiss me?
6. would u fuk me?
7. Describe me in 3 words?
8. If u Had Me for 30 Mins wat would you do?
9. What was ur first impression of me?
10. Do u still think the same?
11.. What reminds u of me?
12. If you could give me anything what would it be?
13. How well do u know me?
14. What do u like best about me?
15. Ever wanted 2 tell me something u could'nt?
16. Could you ever love me?
17. Give me a nickname and explain why?
18.R u gona put this on ur blog and c wat i say bout u?
19.Anything 2 say b4 u go?

Women!!!!

TIPS FOR KEEPING WOMEN HAPPY!!!!

THE POLSON METHOD!!!!
1. When she asks how she looks, shrug and say "Could be better." This will keep her on her toes, and girls love that.

2. Never hold her hand. This can be interpreted as a sign of weakness. (Or--if she grabs your hand, squeeze hers really really hard until she cries. This will impress her by showing her what a strong man you are.)

3. Once a month sneak up on her from behind and knock her over. Girls are like dogs. They love to be roughed up.

4. Call her in the middle of the night to ask if she's sleeping. If she is, say "You better be." Repeat this 4 or 5 times until morning. This will show her you care.

5. When she is upset about something, suggest to her that it might be her fault. This will pave the way for her own personal improvement, and every girl needs some improvement.

6. Recognize the small things... they usually mean the most. Then--when she's sleeping, steal all her small things and break them. Because jewellery is for wussies.

7. If you're talking to another girl, make sure she's looking. When she is, stare into her eyes mouth the words "F*ck You" and grab the other girls ass. Girls love competition.

8. Tell her you're taking her out to dinner. Drive for miles so she thinks it's going to be really special. Then take her to a burning tire yard. When she starts to get upset tell her you were just kidding andnow you're really going to take her to dinner. Then drive her home. When she starts crying and asks why you would do something like that lean over and whisper very quietly into her ear ".. because i can."

9. Introduce her to your friends as "some chick." Women love those special nicknames.

10. Play with her hair. Play with it HARD.

11. Warm her up when shes cold.. and not by giving her your jacket..then you might get cold. Rather, look her in the eye and say "If you don't stop bi*ching about the cold right now you're going to be bi*ching about a black eye." The best way to get warm is with fear.

12. Take her to a party. When you get there she'll have to go to the bathroom (they always do). Leave immediately. Come back right when the party's dying and yell at her the whole way home for ditching you at the party.

13. Make her laugh. A good way to do this is if she has a small pet.. kick the pet. I always find stuff like that funny. Why shouldn't girls?

14. Let her fall asleep in your arms. When she's fast asleep, wait 10 minutes then JUMP UP AND SCREAM IN HER EAR! Repeat until she goes home.

15. Spit often. I hear girls like guys that spit.

16. If you care about her never ever tell her. This will only give her self confidence. Then you can never turn her into the object she deep down desires to be.

17. Every time you’re in her house steal one of the following: Shoes, earrings, or anything else that comes in pairs. Only take one of the pair. This way she'll go crazy.

18. Take her out to dinner. Right when she’s about to order interrupt and say "No, she’s not hungry." Make her watch you eat. Girls love a guy that speaks for her.

19. Look her in the eyes and smile.. then clock her one. Girls love a spontaneous guy.

20. Give her one of your t-shirts..... and make sure it has your smell on it. But not a sexy cologne smell.. a bad smell. You know what I'm talking about.

21. When it’s raining keep asking her if she’s crying. She'll say "No, it’s just the rain." Ten minutes later turn to her and just scream "Stop crying you f*cking baby!" Girls like a tough man as I've already stated.

22. Ti**y twisters.. and plenty of them.

23. If you're listening to music and she asks to hear it, tell her no. This way she'll think you're mysterious.

24. Remember her birthday but don't get her anything. Teach her material objects aren’t important. The only thing that’s important is that she keeps you happy. And your happiness is the greatest present she can ever
get.