A VICAR turned up in agony at a hospital — with a potato stuck in his bottom.
The clergyman told stunned casualty nurses he fell backwards on to his kitchen table while hanging curtains.
He happened to be nude at the time of the mishap.

The embarrassed reverend, in his 50s, had to undergo a delicate operation to extract the offending vegetable.
The spud was yesterday revealed to be among a litany of objects medics in Sheffield have removed from people’s nether regions.
Others include a can of deodorant, a cucumber, a Russian doll — and a carnation.
Like most of the other patients, the red-faced vicar insisted to staff at the city’s Northern General Hospital that his predicament was NOT the result of a sex game gone wrong.
A & E nurse Trudi Watson said: “He explained to me, quite sincerely, he had been hanging curtains naked in the kitchen when he fell backwards on to the kitchen table and on to a potato.
“But it’s not for me to question his story.
“He had to undergo surgery to have it removed.”
She admitted some sex-related emergencies had made staff chuckle. But she urged anyone contemplating sticking something where the sun doesn’t shine to think again.
Ms Watson said: “My advice? Don’t do it.
“It can be very dangerous and potentially life-threatening.
“Surgery can lead to infection, nasty scarring, and it could possibly end up with the person having to use a colostomy bag as a result.”
Health staff across Sheffield, Barnsley, Rotherham and Doncaster say they are no longer surprised at the things people use to spice up fun in the bedroom.
A hospital trust spokeswoman in Sheffield said: “Like all busy hospitals we do see some unusual accidents.
“But our staff deal with them in a discreet, professional and kind way.”

A freak accident has left one porn star dead and another a eunuch after the worlds first ever recorded choad choking occurred.
Directed by Peter Jackson and digitally enhanced by Weta Studios, Whorecraft was to be one of the first ever live fantasy style porns. Using real people and digital effects to help sickos that have fantasies of humping elves etc, this was to be Jacksons first 'blue movie'.

Ever since New Line Cinema and Jackson had a fall out over an audit during the production of King Kong, Jackson has been toying with the idea of fantasy porn. However, he will have to put this on the back burners for the time being as a result of this latest incident.

It happened during an oral scene in which a Dwarf had enticed a female Elve into the woods with promise of a ring. The ring turned out to be a sex toy know as a cock ring and could she please put it on for him using her mouth. Etcetera etcetera...

The Dwarf, played by Rod Pleasure, was the proud owner of a 'choad'. A choad, is a penis that is disproportionately wide in comparison to its length, and looks something like a can of tuna. The name originates from Spain. also known to the French as 'Le Penis avec largeur horrifiant' or Penis of horrifying width. Choads are common amongst Little People or Dwarves.

Quote from the first recorded choad bearer 1679, William LaChoade, ' I wish didn't have this penis that was so disproportionately wide in comparison to its length, Harry'

It was a mixture of sheer erotica and freak misfortune which caused the choad choking. The Elve played by Sativa Mercedes was performing oral pleasures on Rods choad whilst still in it's flacid state. The arousal was sudden and his choad's girth increased to disproportionate dimensions. This sudden rush of blood stretched Sativas jaw and caused it to lock, similar to that of a clamp, around Pleasures choad. Unbeknownst to the crew Sativa had a badly blocked nose. She was suffocating. Her cries were mistooken for those of pleasure and she subsequently died with a chaod in her mouth.

In death her jaw was defiant and would not un-clamp itself from the now flacid member. Surgeons had to amputate. Leaving Rod Pleasure a eunuch. It was a sad day for the porn industry. It is the first live porn death since the filming of In the Paddock (sequel to down on the farm) where a mans internal organs were pierced when he invited a horse you take him from behind. He deserved to die however.

Jackson was unavailable for comment on the matter.

Blue noses are born, not manufactured
We do not choose, we are chosen
Those that don’t understand, don’t matter
Those who understand, need no explanation!

We r the people