Reasons Why Captain Picard is Better

Has a bigger spaceship, which can separate into two also-bigger spaceships. That what she said!

Quotes Shakespeare all the time. Hell, even the ability to speak without pausing every two to three seconds puts him above Kirk

Not only the president of the Enterprise, but also a client.

Was turned into a Borg. Borgs are cool.

Remained in command of his Enterprise for well over seven years. Kirk didn't even finish his first five-year mission.

Can say "Make it so" in 43 different inflections in over six million forms of communication. (Including Ainu)

Picard knows how to make a starship last. He only lost one, and that was when he
wasn’t aboard (the Stargazer doesn't count). Kirk has gone through 3.

He actually knows how to use a comma.

Anything Picard says sounds meaningful and profound. This is the exact opposite on Kirk's effect on words.

Isn't a walking sexual harassment suit. Hiring Picard instead of a skirt-chaser like Kirk is estimated to have saved the Federation 23 billion credits worth of legal fees and hush money paid to the mothers of illegitimate children spread out across hundreds of star systems.

Has an annoying techno song composed totally of his lines. Then someone took the time to make a music video by finding the scenes the lines were from, and editing them to fit the song. Crazy.

Wasn't made an admiral. Kirk told him not to let Starfleet promote him, and he didn't. Therefore Picard is better.

Wore a red shirt and stayed alive through every episode.

Picard would never, ever tell his fans to GET A LIFE!

Kirk was a leader of followers. That's the only reason he (almost) got away with it.

Picard's worst episodes were originally written for Kirk.

Picard discovers new life, new civilizations and strange new worlds, not discarded movie sets
from 1950s period dramas.

Picard's bridge crew doesn't miss 75% of the episodes.

His hand gestures just kick-ass.

Picard can act out entire Shakespearean plays, not merely remember 5 or 6 lines.

Picard can get his ship to orbit a planet in both directions.

Picard would never ever date a shape-shifter who had previously morphed into a little girl.

Picard doesn't need to wear glasses.

Picard has so much backbone Starfleet designers had to cut out a section of his command chair for it all to fit in.

Picard didn't have to reprogram a computer to give him better grades in order to graduate from Starfleet Academy.

Picard has to contend with crap Starfleet Admirals. If he stole a starship only to have it get destroyed, he'd get vaporized, not given captaincy of a new one like in the easy old days.

Picard has a ship whose engines can take it.

Three words: seven whole seasons.

Picard has to contend with the "Prime Directive", a ruling imposed on him by Starfleet after they saw what complete shambles in relations that resulted when they let Kirk meet new alien races
.
The only way Picard would allow Tribbles on his ship would be as hors d'oeuvres.

Picard never met Joan Collins.

Picard's bridge doesn't sound like an aviary.

One question: to which Captain would you entrust the safety of your daughter?

Picard is far too cool to beam down to a planet, strip to his waist and wrestle a guy in a rubber lizard suit. He lets his First Officer do all that for him.

Picard never shot his best friend's body into space in a photon torpedo.

Kirk probably thinks a concerto is a kind of ice cream dessert.

Picard doesn't need hair, real or not.

Picard's crew are too sophisticated to be taken over by a bunch of women in gogo boots and have the most intelligent person aboard controlled by a box that has less buttons than a Super Nintendo joypad.

If their situations were reversed, Kirk would nail Lwaxana Troi. Picard has standards.
Picard has a real bar aboard his ship.

Picard would never have let his second i