There's nothing worse than a receptionist who insists you tell her what is wrong with you in a room full of other patients. Many of us have experienced this, and I love the way this old guy handled it.

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded waiting room and approached the desk. The receptionist said, 'hello, sir. Can you please tell me why you're here to see the doctor today?'


'There's something wrong with my dick,' he replied.


The receptionist became irritated and said, ' you shouldn't come into a crowded waiting room and say things like that.'


'Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you,' he said.


The receptionist replied, 'now you've caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.'


The man replied, 'you shouldn't ask people questions in a room full of strangers, if the answer could embarrass anyone.' The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered.


The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, 'Yes?'


'There's something wrong with my ear,' he stated.


The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice. 'And what is wrong with your ear, sir?'


'I can't piss out of it,' he replied.


The waiting room erupted in laughter

Oh my god, where do I start..............best holiday ever so far best thing I ever did!!!!

Triona (slightly hungover) : Oh my god I was so thirsty when I woke up this mornin and the nearest liquid I could find was my perfume

Me: Oh my god u can just walk up to it? The Opera House, its not in the middle of the water? wooooah..i always thought ya had to get a boat out to it.

Good oul Liam Clancy

The night of the house party with the Scottish band

Sean: Whats that cover on the recliner for?
Me: Oooh I kno, its for if its rainin so ya dont get wet!!!
Sean: Eh and why wud ya be lyin out if its rainin?
Me: Oh yea.

Alaisters "magic" backing singing talents to Amy Winehouse Valerie, ooh ooh oohh

The Jitterbug

Messyness in Scruffys probably the funniest night of my life

After drowning my sorrows of Laois miserable performance against Wexford, fairly drunkened, we made our way home, full of the joys and extatic that for the first time ever we managed to finally direct the taxi driver to our house the right way on the first go,.............however our joy was shortlived as we arrived to the 8ft gate in front of the house and horror as it wouldnt open. Having decided that if banging our heads off the gate wouldnt open it nothing would so there was only one thing for it, Triona removed her million foot high heels and I gave her a leg up and she climbed up onto the gate both of us in the pisses laffin. All was going well until I made a joke that I can no longer remember but Triona started laughing and gracefully fell off the gate. So funny, the bruises she now has.......not so funny but I thought I was gonna die laffin.

The ceili in the harp.............the old man in the green aran jumper covered in shamrocks sorta set the tone for the whole night.

Triona: Scooner of Carlton..................dont sound right in the culchie accent

Me: Vodka and Raspberry............no soda water!!!
Barman: I have a bag of sugar inside to ya want that aswell???

The Farmer wants a Wife, my new TV favourite

and how could I forget my new best friend, Ten Tonne Tessy

Me (talkin about two Indian fellas walkin by us talkin) : OMG they have that Indian accent even when there talkin Indian !!!!!
Tri: And what accent do you have when ur talikin Irish Shaz??

Eatin dinner in Scruffys - Me: Is this shamrock on my dinner?
Tri: Eh no Shauna thats watercress

Givin out about missionery priests comin over sayin long masses at home
Tri: Yeh go back home to Africa where they love long masses
Me: yeh sure if ya think about it...they probly only love the long masses in Africa coz sure wudnt that be the only place they get a bit of central heatin, sure theyd be delighted wit a bit of heatin.
Tri: Theyd love a bit of heatin???? In Africa???

Us ta some randomer: So where ya from?
Lad: Duleek in meath
Triona? Du Leek? is dat not a vegetable??

More to come.........................

Waaaaayyyyyyyyyoooooooooooo

Trí: I'm a brown bread kinda girl but at the end of the day bread is bread isnt it

Shauna's duvet day lol

Lisas rights for robots campaign

Loner wit an n: Fuck your mothers cunt!!

?: BEST FUCKING SHAG EVER

Tríona: Lisa your all curled up in the foetal position, I feel like I should put you inside me and push you out (that sounded better in my head)

Lisa: I cant do it on top.......she sez she was talkin bout eyeliner

Lisa randomly lampin her head of every wall she could find

Lisa: Hiccup............FUCKS SAAAAAAAAAKE

Lisa: Christine say somethin funny or fuck off

Tríona deep throatin a bottle of wine

Mistake............SHAUNA

Shane are ya goin for an Allied Irish??? (Shane: A What?) Lisa: A Wank

Shane: Symphony of Destruction (refering to sex)

Adáin: Im an accent sponge

Shane: Wasnt in my vagina....didnt have my penis in it.

Tríona: I'm really little feather of the pow pow tribe
If your not going to respect my indigenous culture then dont talk to me at all.

Tríona: Im powpowhontas. Our native song is paint with all the colours of the wind

Lisa: If you laughed really hard all the time would you get a six pack??

Shauna: Hows the grinning bob cat?

Lisa: If he gives a straight answer I'll eat my hat.

Tríona: My people wear hats too

Tríona: Carey if you fall asleep youl be gettin this bottle of wine over your head

Say somethin in Irish to me..... Shauna: Ehhhhm ceapairí????

For ever and ever.......eamonn!!