Intro: Exactly what it says on the tin, can of coke to the first person who guesses what all of these emails are related too

1) "Your husk will be so big that you can use it on a submarine like a periscope"
2) "Your new weapon will blow the opposition away"
3) "Supersize your schlong into a torpedo"
4) "She sees great sch10ngs on the seashore, the great sch10ngs she sees"
5) "Women will lust over your man meat like bees to honey"
6) "Satisfy her every night with your wonderful tool"
7) "Be the college stud with the longest rod"
"Hit a home run every night with your giagantic bat"
9) "The girls will marvel at your superb powerful package"
10) "Give her the ride of her life"

End note: Anyone interesting in receiving more information on these products, please feel free to email me and the information will be passed on, such matters will be handled delicately and privately

ok,ok so d titles a bit of lie,im not really givin out tips n frankly anyone whose lookin 4sum needs to hav a wrd wit themselves!!but tis based on a tru story which goes like dis:

one upon a time while in east germany,ciara n amy go a pub huntin,we cum across a nice piano bar called busmanns n head in 4a few cocktails (la dee da!)!!neways aftr one r two,ciara decides 2go up n request a song and i notice shes up there chattin 2d piano man (who i shud point out is d 50yr old in question!)4longer dan i wud hav expected,perhaps chattin him up,she has had a few!

neways she cums bak wit a panicky look,turns out d guys from liverpool,has no german n wants 2cum chat 2us,as most likely he hasnt spoken 2 ne1 in awile(not a lot of english speakers round!neways he cums ovr n we hav sum polite,awkward small tlk!tells us hes bin cumin here 4 10 yrs,knows d area etc!so we use dis opportunity 2 ask him if ders ne pubs etc round!hes v helpful,draws us maps n everytin!.....then r luck turns sour wen he suggests walkin ovr wit us!wer in limbo-as twud most likely b quite uncomfortable,but if we leave cud b rude,so we our politeness gives way n we stay......mistake no1!!

as wer walkin ovr he shites on bout d local history n frankly patronises us quite a bit!den he cums up wit a bullshit story bout how his fone is broken n wud 1of us txt him 2c if it wrks!me bin d suspicious sally dat i m avoids dis n volunteer ciara,who oddly is quite innocent bout d situation,bless.....mistake no2

next we arrive at d pub and he asks cud he cum in 4 a quick pint wit us,we say ok,as he seems nice enuf,clearly has bin devoid of ne1 2 tlk 2 n has bin so helpful!d conversation ventures into everytin from history,2education, 2travel etc!!he seems quite pretentious as he keeps referrin 2himself as n artiste(n frankly he wasnt gud!)!neway harmless enuf.....until,he starts tellin us dat wer intelligent girls n if he was 20yrs younger(which even so,hed b still 2old n still 2much of a pretentious git!),all d while from time 2 time starin at r chests!!!he even mentions somethin bout goin bak 2his apartment.....cringe!!neways he finally leaves but not b4 tellin us dat if we need netin we no wer he is, n hed like 2meet up wit us etc!

me n ciara wander home discussin d oddness of d nite,but sure mayb we wer readin 2much in2 it n bsides we nevr hav 2c him again n dat was d end.......r so we tot!!

next nite at 2in d morn,i get a panicky call from ciara!dis weirdo called her n stupidly she answered!!!apparently he enjoyed r company a lot(who wudnt ,n was wonderin if we wanted 2meet him 4a drink!!!now if dis isnt odd enuf,most places in dresden close bout 2,r at least shortly aftr!!!neways she explains wev jus arrived home n cant!!so he suggests meetin up another nite,ciara lies tru her teeth n agrees.

now d moral of dis story is a policy iv always followed,b nice 2 no1 n b suspicious of everyone,u listenin 2dat ciara???

ok so far me n ciara hav successfully got from dublin 2berlin, from berlin 2dresden,wev set up r accomodation,registered as citezens,set up a bank account n got ourselves a german fone......n all witout usin ne german watsoever n wile dealin wit people who hav no english!!!!so id call dat a success!

so wen both r internet broke down n we had 2go c d non english speakin network adminstrator,we tot dis will b difficult but we can do it!!!!o how stupidly naieve we wer-let me paint a picture of how dis embarassin incident went:

firstly this tall,blonde,aryian lookin cliche of a german man in shorts, blatantly tries 2avoid us (prob tinkin not these retards again!) then wen we eventually get his attention,all we can do is lamely point at a piece of paper he gav us 4d internet n whine dat its not wrkin!!!so he looks kinda pissed off,but willingly cums 2r rooms 2take a look!!

first stop ciaras room: we enter the room, which is extremely neat n tidy n he sits down n takes a look at her computer,tries 2connect d internet,fiddles around wit it 4awile n mumbles alot in german!!!me n ciara stand der awkwardly,not knowin wats goin on n feelin like idiots!!!he asks ciara sum questions but neither of us hav ne idea wats goin on!!!then eventually he discovers shes dowwnloaded 2much,apparently ders a limit we wer unaware of!!!he looks kinda pissed especially wen he has 2cum 2my room,but he politely smiles!!!

next stop my room,which goes a little sumtin like dis: i open my door 2 a wat can only b described as a hovel of mess n hav 2 embarassingly run round tryin 2quickly clean n move tings out of his way!!!i can tell by a d look on his face he totally regrets havin evr met these 2irish idiots n he tinks im a messy bitch n due 2my kermit n homer posters,prob dat im a bit "special" too!!!neways its goin ok,he sits down at my comp n has failed 2 notice 2bottles of whiskey bside my bed,1of which is empty......phew!!!o wait,dat is until ciara goes out of her way 2loudly point it out 2him.....cheers ciara!!!so now he tinks im a messy retarded bitch wit a drink problem!!

as soon as he sorts d problem he leaves rather hastly wit n awkward tschuss!!i tink if my internet breaks down again im jus gonna move,itd b a lot less hassle!!!