Your average night on the piss with Richard Clune may
go a little like this..............

Alright lads what going on tonight then?
6 cans of your finest Tuborg my good sir!!
Surfs up boys let get these tins in!!!!!
You cant fault Micheal Ballack lads, he is just unreal. Liverpool can kiss my sack Oli.
Sorry about the spill there Sean.
Cluner what are you on about?
Nah just one or two in my friends gaf before hand there!
Sorry pal not tonight!
I come to this place all the time!!! I am a regular.
Alright let him in, he’s ok!
One please!!! What do you mean this doesn’t get me free in, this is outrageous!
2 jager bombs!!!
Ah lads Cluners fucked!
Woman!!!
Richard your spilling your drink all over my leg there………..wait what the fuck he just pissed all over me!!!!!!
Get them off ye!!!!
Hey that bollox just robbed your drink Robbie!!!
Shane! You’ve ruined my tea party!
Lads has anybody seen Cluner?
Girls……..who the fuck is this guy loike?
That’s it pal your outta here!
Cluners been thrown out lads.
See if you can grab a joe there Sean…….and see if you can dress Cluner there, he is frightening the shite outta those birds.
Yeah well I’d like to see you try fuckin catching him!!! Hes a lot faster than he looks for fuck sake!!!
I am gonna take him home, there is no need for that Garda!
Cumon………. come to muuuuuin….. pizza…….
Ah sure we may aswell buzz in for a bitta pizza then Daragh!
Where yous…….. goin…….
Cluner you have eaten two pizzas, given us nothing, and shaved half your pubes off. We’re ouuta here!

Q. Why don't they have Christmas at DCU?
A. They can't find three wise men and a virgin.

Q. How can you tell if a Trinity student is heterosexual?
A. He can outrun his roommate!

Q. What do you get when you drive quickly through the UCD campus?
A. An undergraduate degree.

Q. What's the first thing a BESS bird does when she wakes up in the morning?
A. Walks home.

Q. How do they separate the men from the boys at Trinity?
A. With a restraining order.

Q. What does a UCD student call a Trinity student after graduation?
A. Boss.

Q. Why don't they sell so many button-fly jeans in Carlow?
A. Because the sheep can hear the zippers a mile away.

Q. Did you hear that the library at DIT Kevin Street burned down?
A. Naturally, the students were very upset....some of the books weren't coloured-in yet.

Q. Why do UCD graduates put a copy of their diploma in the window of their vehicles?
A. So they can park in handicap spaces.

Eddie: They're armed.
Soap: What was that? Armed? What do you mean armed? Armed with what?
Eddie: Err, bad breath, colorful language, feather duster... what do you think they're gonna be armed with? Guns, you tit!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rory Breaker: If the milk turns out to be sour, I ain't the kinda pussy to drink it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nick the Greek: Just get me a sample.
Tom: No can do.
Nick the Greek: What's that? Some place near Katmandu? Meet me halfway, mate.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom: Look, it's all completely chicken soup.
Nick the Greek: It's what?
Tom: It's kosher. As Christmas.
Nick the Greek: The Jews don't celebrate Christmas, Tom.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Big Chris: It's been emotional.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Tom: There's no money, there's no weed. It's all been replaced by a pile of corpses.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rory Breaker: If you hold back anything, I'll kill ya. If you bend the truth or I think your bending the truth, I'll kill ya. If you forget anything I'll kill ya. In fact, you're gonna have to work very hard to stay alive, Nick. Now do you understand everything I've said? Because if you don't, I'll kill ya.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Hatchet" Harry: I don't want to know who you use, as long as they're not complete muppets.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soap: A minute ago this was the safest job in the world. Now it's turning into a bad day in Bosnia.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winston: Charles, get the rifle out. We're being fucked.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Soap: OY! Keep your fingers out of my soup!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Barry the Baptist: If you don't want to be counting the fingers you haven't got, I suggest you get those guns. Quick!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gary: Shotguns? What, like guns that fire shot?
Barry the Baptist: Oh, you must be the brains of the operation. Yes, guns that fire shot.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winston: We grow copious amounts of ganja here, and you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average horti-fucking-culturalist.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Winston: Charles,why have we got that cage?
Charles: Uh,security.
Winston: That's right, that's right security. So what's the point in having it if we're not goin' fucking use it?
Charles: Well I would've used it but this is Willie and Willie lives here.
Winston: Yes but you didn't know it was Willie until you opened the door did you?
Willie: Chill Winston, it's me. Charlie knows it's me. What's the problem?
Winston: The problem is Willie is that Charles and yourself are not the quickest of cats at the best of times. So just do as I say and keep *the fucking cage locked!* What is that?
Willie: That's Gloria.
Winston: Yes I know that's Gloria, what's that?
Willie: Fertilizer.
Winston: You went out six hours to buy a money counter and you come back with a semi-conscious Gloria and a back of fertilizer. Alarm bells are ringing Willie.
Willie: We need fertilizer Winston.
Winston: Mmmhmm. We also need a money counter. This money's got to be out by Thursday, I'm buggered if I'm gonna count it. Just make sure if